Now I have completely lost my faith in God?
I immigrated to California from South Korea six years ago.
My family always has been devout Christian, we regularly gather together in the bed every beginning of the months to worship and also pray to God for breakthroughs whenever we had hardships. Unlike many other rebellious teenagers, I always read the bible before I went to the bed and I never forget to pray on every meal or bed times.
However, my doubts and impieties have always been constant on my thoughts and I beared numerous questionable resentments against him; now, I have come up to the mind that probably God doesn't exist.
Since 7th grade, I didn't have any close friends or friends that cared about me even slightly.
It's really bizarre that I don't have friends because I'm type of the guy that is really outgoing, known to be humorous, and facetious, that likes to meet new people. It's just that people get easily acquainted with me initially but later on end up indifferent or just simply don't care about me.
I really desperately wanted to have 'best' friends. So I started praying every single night since 7th grade to now, 11th grade, for almost 4 years. Also, when other Christians favored me of any prayer for me, I always told them to pray for me that I would have good friends. And they did pray.
But I still have no friends, and when I thought I did, they turned against me so badly that they're still unmemorable pains. There was only one supposedly 'best' friend I really trusted. But one day I think he got fed up with something and he literally told me to go sit in the corner alone or hang out with 'losers'. When I initially refused and fought back, he started beating me miserably and started cussing at me like 'friendless pathetic loner' in front of entire people in the stadium when they' were watching. I swear I haven't said anything that annoyed or irritated him but just a casual conversation. When things become settled I sat down and looked at other guys joking, talking, and laughing with their best friends, I just became sad and felt really sad so I went to the bathroom. While washing my tears in faucet, there, another friends of mine started laughing and picked up a fight on me.
Now I'm rnot a guy that gets bullyed or gets beat up because I'm relatively big and strong but I just so hated the facts that while other guys are flirting and having fun, everything is so depressing for me and everyone turns his or her back on me.
Since when, everyimte, everyday when I look at pictures or people smiling with friends or girlfriends, they get me so depressed and I cannot even look at them. It became like a disease that I can't even look at any movies or celebrities of themselves with friends or girlfriends. Whenever I meet a couple, I suddenly become so morose and depressed.
Even though I frequently had a situation like this, I constantly prayed God for a friend that cares about me and a 'real' friend that we can have fun together. For 4 years. But it just didn't happen but I ended up losing more friends because I've been away from my friends in Korea for over 6 years so now I don't even know where they live or who they are anymore.
There's other Christians in my school who are very religious and devout, but they still have so many friends and they all have boyfriends and beautiful girlfriends that truly care for them. While meantime, some very faithful Christians in my school don't have friends and are depressed about it just like I do.
And there's also non-Christians and spoiled kids in my school that hate God, but they 're so popular and still have so much fun with their loving very pretty girlfriends.
Now I think God doesn't exist and it just depends on a person. God doesn't grant our prayers but it is only up to person, to do anything. I've prayed straight 4 years to God for friends that I could trust and care each other. And also that I could spend high school years happily and with unforgettablely joyous memories. But now they're all gone. My high school years have been so painful and heart-breaking with no friends, no girlfriend at all.
In Luke 18:7, bible says, "And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?"
However, it seems like God is putting me off, who's crying out to him every nights.
Does God exist? I couldn't summarize all of my experiences for past 4 years but there are still so much untold stories that had been and still are painful and heart-breaking for me in high school. It is so hard to stay happy and joyous when I don't have single friend or girlfriend that deeply cares about me, but instead, full of girls and guys that scorn me and treat me lik