How can I get my husband to stop talking about his fetishes during sex?
Yea, sorry, got a ton of questions today about sex... Sorry if it offends.
But anyway, I wouldn't mind it if it were a normal fetish, but he's cuckold (likes his wife to go off and have sex with random guys....Please don't go all bashing on it, it's just a fetish and apparently it's common, I just hate it). I've told him I want to make love and not talk about other guys and fantasies he has with me and someone else... But he says 'We can make love sometimes and have kinky sex other times' but it's ALWAYS kinky. He's ALWAYS talking about this during sex...It's gotten so bad I don't want to have sex anymore because I don't want to hear about it. How do I get him to stop?? He makes it sound like there's something wrong with me for not wanting to talk about it. I've caved into his fetish more times than I wanted to.... And NO we're not divorcing, don't recommend that. It's not a big enough problem to divorce him over. There's more to a marriage than this. Plus, we have a kid together.
Liza, all that is stuff that would turn him on with this fetish. His fetish turns jealousy into a turn-on.
Thank you, Candice :). I have done it, 6 times... Kinda on a lull now simply cuz I don't have a job and don't get out much...
- Candice BLv 68 years agoFavorite Answer
My husband got on that kick after reading erotic stories one night in bed. That became his biggest fantasy. He didn't go to it every time we made love though. But he kept it going for over two years, and I started to realize that he really wanted it to happen. The perfect storm kind of occurred at my work, and one day I kind of figured what the heck. He really wants me to do it, and this guy turns me on so much, why not. That day kind of changed our lifestyle. So my point is that I sympathize with you in not wanting to go down that road. I didn't either! But, , circumstances had something different in mind of us. And honestly, it has made our marriage even stronger than it was before. I love my husband with all my heart, and it's obvious that he loves me with all his heart.
- K8Lv 78 years ago
That would surely get old. Maybe ask him to wear duct tape over his mouth during sex. Tell him it's kinky and right now is your fantasy. I am 'sort of' kidding as other than asking him to stop talking (which I bet you already have done), I see no other way out as obviously he has not stopped. It's either that or you'll need to live his fantasies all the time which I know you don't want to do. So, maybe the duct tape or something to physically stop him from talking might work if he's willing. I agree it most likely can be worked out and does not warrant divorce. But dang, that would get so old and suck all the fun out!
- GildaLv 45 years ago
Sounds like he might be a bit confused. It could be that he genuinely wants to become a woman (because he's gay or feels that he is a lesbian) or it could be that he just feels happier and sexier whilst dressed up, especially if it's in your lingerie!! And in the heat of the moment said something he didn't really mean. If he does want to become a woman, then there's not much you can do really. If it's something he said in the heat of the moment and he doesn't want to become a woman, go with it. Make the most of having a boyfriend who'll: Be very happy to go clothes shopping with you Be happy to have a girly night in Understand your love of shoes Understand why you can't get ready to go out in a few minutes. Plus, satin is nicer to cuddle up to in bed. He could be looking at the pictures because he's just curious what other crossdressers look like and how passable they are. If he was gay, he'd be looking at pictures of men.
- RickLv 78 years ago
I have a fetish too, so I think I can help. Mine is for nylons on a girls legs.
What happens with fetishes is they become conditioned by orgasm which makes them very powerful and pleasurable to a man. I almost need to see a girls legs in nylons to become excited. Seeing them gives me the most excitement. This is what's happening with him. For him, nothing is more exciting than talking about or knowing you're having sex with someone else. I know a guy who needs his wife to wear pantyhose for him to get excited. If she takes them off he loses his erection.
What might work is for him to think about you and make it a night of nothing but your pleasure. He could try not mentioning anything about his fetish, if he can, and just give you pleasure.
"NO we're not divorcing, don't recommend that. It's not a big enough problem to divorce him over. There's more to a marriage than this." Good for you.
"His fetish turns jealousy into a turn-on." Wow, that's interesting. Where did you learn that? I've never heard this before and it's giving me something to think about.
Fetishes can't be stopped. They're deeply imbedded in a person and it's almost impossible to get rid of them. And guys who have them get too much pleasure from them to be motivated to end them.
ANY challenge or difference in a relationship is resolved by meeting each other in the middle. Both partners need to win to make it successful. He needs to give you what you need and not mention his fetish so you can enjoy yourself.
My wife wants me to find her attractive and show sexual interest in her without her wearing nylons. I'm working on this but it's difficult. I love her so I'm trying to meet her in the middle.
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- Liza2Lv 78 years ago
Marriage counseling, seriously..
Edit: Or maybe he needs to speak with his doctor about ED medication (and for a health screening- diabetes, etc.) so that he doesn't "need" his fetish to be turned on.
Good luck, hon.
- Anonymous8 years ago
bad thing here beauty is if you can't even just have him talk about it with you when having sex cause it stimulates him then he might go to some woman that does like ti . jus tell him stop the bull and make love to me and quit thinking about that other **** for once
- 8 years ago
Tell him no. You wont indulge in his fantasy any more and if he keeps asking sex will come to a halt.
- No More AbuseLv 78 years ago
Talk to your husband and tell him how uncomfortable it is in how he speaks..