Really Need Thoughts On My Poem/Rap? (Thank you very much)?

..I'm A blanched mess second guessing"

A kept Fess`Left Abandoned And"

Branching in`with Less of a damp dampen"

Chancing Wet Chance Of understanding"

Why my stressed cramped damn"

Deaden Life keeps on cramping.."

And man`My expanding Breath is Panting When"

He's Clanking against them`deaf panics"

With clamming cries`I'm decanting right"

On this stranded Regret Of a clamping Canyon"

Yes And`I'm only Hungry`for companions"

Like a lonely`dead Starving self Barren"

Hoping when Moaning more than an Growing"

Arid masion of Groaning famines"

And It's luring`since My morbid emotions"

Are pouring`like a pured potion`you hear it?

Devotion Dancing`in no motion`so sordid"

As My Lyric's`Soul is`Chanting so florid"

Slowly`As I'm Unloading Goaded Lurid"

Recorded woes Like an ex`ploding"

Pulled loaded` Stored Cannon"

Full of torrid coated blowing`blows"

Yo and`It's gonna be blown horrid"

cause I'm about to explode in.."

Just a short verse coming off my Upcoming Album. Anyways` Opinions , comments, and or Rate(1-10) Thank you very much.

~Shaquille Pinckney

4 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Powerful. I like it. You can feel the energy. Well done.

  • 8 years ago

    Looks pretty good to me. 8

    But you really shouldn't post ur lyrics online like that. Crazy people out there.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Maybe it's a "consider the source" but I still find this to be a total turn ON. Would love to know how it ends.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Well, I only understand what you are saying in some versus. But it sounds good!! So i would say its a 9(:

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