cabron92 asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 8 years ago

Could you correct this text for me please?

Could you correct this text for me please, and maybe as well to reshape (?) some parts or some sentences ?

Thanks

" I am a 61 year old French guy who has just retired in Mexico City fulfilling the dream of my life.

I worked several jobs, mostly as a teacher but I was taking off to travel at the same time.

My trips :

- Israel, six month in a kibbutz (1969-1970)

- United States, (1971-1972)

- overland to India and Sri Lanka, (1973-1974.

- South America except for Brazil (1977-1978). I fell in love with Peru.

But my my passion goes to Mexico where I spent four winter seasons in a small village.(1978-1982)

Then the idea of living there came up and here I am in the metropolis of Mexico City enjoying every bite of it. a balcony with a lemon tree, an orange tree and even a baby

bougainvillea...;-)

I used to be active in politics (French socialist party) but I got disenchanted.

I am a pretty quiet guy, a dreamer, romantic, a little taciturn, interested in almost everything, but with a second or third degree (!) humor.

To end it up : I am jewish and gay, but wether I like or not I do not practice much...

My blogs were interrupted but are starting again soon :

....(...)

Note : there is humour in these blogs and they are not always PC..."

1 Answer

Relevance
  • B K
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here are my corrections

    "retired to Mexico City"

    "I've had several jobs . . . "

    "I was taking time off to travel during this period".

    "six months . . ."

    "overland" is not appropriate here. I think you mean "by land"

    "my passion is for Mexico . . . . four winters in a . . . ."

    Don't start sentences with "Then". Use "Afterwards, . . ." instead.

    "enjoying every part of it" - "bite" is for food only which is really funny when you consider what it means in French!!!! ;)

    " but I became disaffected" is more appropriate

    " I am a pretty quiet" - is enough - leave out "taciturn" it sounds antiquated/pompous and it means the same as "pretty quiet".

    "second or third degree humour" - not sure what you mean here - sounds like "second rate humour" which is not good. So delete it. You could say, "I tell terrible jokes", if that is what you mean;)

    Some confusion with you last phrase - "Jewish and gay" is fine, but "wether I . . . " should be "whether I like it or not" - and the rest of the sentence is ambiguous - do you not practise Judaism much, or do you not practise being gay much? Might raise a few eyebrows, hehe.

    Source(s): I'm British, gay, disaffected socialist, native English speaker. LOL;)
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.