Air Force Husband cheated. Nowhere to go. What can I do?

I just found out that my husband of 7 years cheated on me with a friend. We live on base housing. We have 3 kids together. I don't have anywhere to go (can possibly move in with my mom but not for sure) I have no funds for groceries, or anything. I don't even have money to move my kids' stuff out of the house once I find a place to go. I've been a stay at home mom this whole time so all the money that was coming in was his (yes we treated finances as a joint thing but now that I found out what he did I want nothing from him. It's weird to say "Hey I'm leaving so give me money so I can move")

Does anyone know of any type of assistance that I can get in an emergency situationn like this? Would I be able to get help with something like food assistance or food stamps or any type of help until I can get on my feet? I haven't filed anything yet. I want to do a formal separation for now but I don't even really know what that entails. Please any help would be great. What do I do? I'm heartbroken and feel like an idiot and I am on the verge of a break-down. thanks.

12 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Before you leave consider the relationship you have with your husband even though he did cheat on you. The Air Force provides marriage counseling services that just may help in your case.

    I'm also certain you are both fairly young. Although cheating is wrong...it seems men sometimes just can't keep their "little heads" from overtaking their "big heads" when doing something so silly.

    If you are convinced that you want to leave your husband, you can go to the civilian community in your state and check the resources available through the Domestic Violence representatives. A good place to seek that information is through the local district attorney's office at your civilian courthouse.

    If you have more questions feel free to email me directly!

    Source(s): Police Officer +30 years
  • Tom
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    At the moment, the thought process is all emotions and no logic and reason: " I'm heartbroken and feel like an idiot and I am on the verge of a break-down." This is not a good time to make a decision that will forever alter not only your life and your husband's life but also the life of your three children. If you do leave and do not have a college degree or any work experience....

    "I've been a stay at home mom this whole time so all the money that was coming in was his (yes we treated finances as a joint thing but now that I found out what he did I want nothing from him. It's weird to say "Hey I'm leaving so give me money so I can move"

    ....the chances are great that you are only going to be able to work a minimum wage job and this will greatly alter your and your children's life and not for the better, with little chance of the financial situation becoming better throughout the time the children are still in school unless you remarry. The chances that any guy you remarry will similarly be divorced or have cheated on his former spouse are fairly high which is why he is available. Therefore, if you stay with your husband and children's father or get divorced and remarry, you are still going to be with a guy who at one time cheated on a spouse.

    Is your husband a good father to the children and other than having cheated, a good husband, these are logical considerations that decisions that affect the long term should be based on.

    Get some counseling before making such a long term decision. From a legal standpoint, if you are in a community property state, finances are definitely a "joint thing." By law, half of what each spouse makes is the property of the other spouse. This includes military retirement incomes.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_property

    Good Luck!

  • 8 years ago

    Does he know that you know he cheated? A divorce may be your best option. But try and get him to go to marriage counseling with you. If he won't go, then you need to leave. If you do go together, and you still decide to separate, at least you will have some tools to go about it in a healthy way. Or take a moment to breathe, go to individual counseling, and develop a plan so you can develop some skills to join the workforce so you are not so dependent on him. If you were being battered I would suggest a battered women's shelter and hotline. For a cheating husband, it's not an emergency, even though it may feel like one. Talk to your mom.

  • Aden
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    Listen to the police officer,

    Cheating is wrong, but humans make mistakes. I am in the armed forces, I have had plenty of leadership, subordinates, and peers cheat and be cheated on. And seen it go many a different way. I also know of people that have gotten past it and have lived long and happy lives together even after a time of trouble/tribulation. See a counselor, talk it out, get to the root of the issue for both why he did it and why it hurts you (I know it sounds weird but get to the root) then make an informed and unbiased descision not based off of temporary emotions. Love is not a temporary emotion, though we sometimes confuse it with liking, hating, and actions. Love supersedes those things and can lead to greater happiness even though it can cause much pain now.

    Now for what you can do. If you don't want to take his money like child support, then you can atleast have him pay for you to move back home and sign away custody of the children to you. Then he owes you nothing, you owe him nothing. If he is being a douche about it (doesn't sound like he is though) then you can go to his First Sergeant (don't try to directly speak to his CC, the 1st Shirt is the one who will get this handled and then it won't make you look like a crazy/bad spouse).

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  • 8 years ago

    Sorry to hear about you bad luck. If you file for divorce the court can award you the house in the interm while the situation is being resolved. I know it is on base housing but the court could still force him to leave it. Also, the court will look at the finances and award you a more than fair share based on your current situation and the children. It till probably result in him not having enough money to find an apartment. I know al this because I just went through it recently. Hopefully you are stationed in the states.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    save it mutually sweetie, for the youngsters. you will get emergency public counsel, & you will get nutrition stamps. you're entitled to all of those issues. maybe you cab even take out a pay day very own loan for 5,000 which would be extra suitable than sufficient that might actually assist you progression out as quickly as you come across a place to pass. Why are you unsure approximately your moms place? maybe you are able to only ask him for some money, do no longer tell him why & use that for a motel room. i know you opt for to go away ASAP, yet you will desire to think of issues via first, each and every of how via. you desire a solid place to decide for the youngsters, someplace risk-free & you decide on money for nutrition. do no longer enable your emotions get the terrific of you maximum appropriate now, carry it mutually. each and everything will artwork out only superb. i'm sorry that this douche has accomplished this to you, yet it relatively is an risk for a sparkling start up & a sparkling existence. it is not going to be ordinary, yet you will get via it. do no longer difficulty approximately divorce maximum appropriate now, its no longer significant. Getting out of there & to a secure place is whats significant. i'm online in case you will possibly decide for to talk. terrific of success.

  • 8 years ago

    You're not gonna like it but here's the reality of it. If you leave then you're gonna make things worse for yourself and your kids. I don't agree with what he did but things will get worse if you decide to divorce, i've seen it when it happened to my parents. It was just me, my sister and my mom and she had to rely on a dead beat who wasn't serious at all. You can get EBT cards for food but that's about it. Unless you wanna live with your folks again, your life's gonna be very difficult, can you handle more stress than you already do now? Just for the sake of your kids, keep your cool, play it cool, keep things the way they are until you get yourself your own income.

  • 8 years ago

    You will get money from the divorce ad he will have to pay child support. You shouldn't live with what he did to you and you should be more independent before your next relationship.

  • Mrsjvb
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    you have to apply at your local social services office for state funds. but if there is no abuse, those resources may be limited in the meantime get a court order requiring him to pay child support.

  • 8 years ago

    First step is talk to a civilian lawyer, not some yahoo like us.

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