Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 years ago

I'm unhappy in my marriage. What should I do?

I've been married for 9 months now and I'm just not happy. We fight and bicker a lot. I moved across the country to be with him because of his work situation and now it's just me and him 24/7. Not only that but I completely changed who I was for him. My old life was unhealthy and dangerous but I enjoyed it most of the time. I was always smiling and laughing and I feel like I just don't do that anymore. I like to think divorice is a last resort but I'm wondering if that would actually be best at this point. He says he's happy and he loves me but sometimes I just don't see it. Please don't suggest just talking to him about it. It won't do any good he's one of those just instant asshole when's us when you confront him with a problem. Hell just be like oh we'll ur not happy? Why don't you just pack your **** and leave then. And he's not like that all the time but he does have him moods. I'm just really lost. We got married pretty fast and we barely really knew each other. And were both still pretty young (under 25) just please give me some straight advice and nothing stupid please this is a pretty serious matter. Ps this isn't my real email because I didn't want to risk him seeing this but please take it serious anyway

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  • TMan
    Lv 6
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    As a marriage and family therapist I find that often the one placing the blame has the higher percentage of negative actions in the failure of the marriage.

    You want straight forward advice but you won't like what you hear. I didn't actually hear anything that he has done to drive you to the brink of divorce. What I'm getting is your unhappy because you had to move and left behind a self destructive life style that somehow made you happier.

    I can tell by your writing that you don't have the skills and/or life experiences to approach him with your issues. I sure they come off to him as you attacking. When you attack people defend themselves. This isn't productive. What you need to do is go to him and start with "I feel...." don't blame. Simply tell him how you feel. It will make him less combative and more willing to listen.

    I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you left one of two things behind when you moved.

    1) A lover. Withdrawing from another lover can cause a void. Maybe the lover was filling a need that your husband wasn't. Excitement to say the least.

    2) An addiction. Drugs alcohol maybe a job like stripper. These are all things that are hard to pick up in a new location when you don't know many people.

    Whatever it is, you are projecting your lose and anger onto your husband and over time its causing you to resent him. Thus all the fighting. Its also keeping you from opening up and allowing yourself to be truely in this relationship.

    Without confronting your issues there is nothing he can do to aide in your happiness.

    I'm not saying your husband doesn't have faults, he does, we all do. I'm just see that yours are more pressing in the downward spiral of your marriage.

    Good luck

  • ciucio
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    i do no longer think of I comprehend the question. I actual have been married for 11 years. i can certainly say that we've alot of annoying circumstances that maximum human beings have not got and we've nonetheless controlled to stay mutually. That being reported. No marriage is satisfied a hundred% if the time and that's going to under no circumstances be predicted to be. unhappy marriages could properly be from various motives and if that's that unhappy then ask why they stay mutually and if it could be greater helpful to chop up. no person merits to be unhappy

  • 8 years ago

    Well you said it your self, you rushed into marriage with out knowing each other. If you're not happy then divorce him you've only been married 9 months, it didnt work why give it more time specially if you dont have kids yet.(Im assuming).

    If you're just upset because you are not being dangerous and unhealthy, then you are in the wrong. If thats not it and you.divorce him dont go back to being unhealthy is not good, you could enjoy life in a heathy way, you'll learn is even better.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Per my best guess from the blogs on here, most are from women less then 25. Your lucky that no children are involved. Sounds like you need to just move on. It also sounds like you gave a genuine good faith effort. I cant prove it but women as a whole are nurturers and try to give it their all when it comes to their man. I was never lucky at love though, but I think of it often. Im older so Im content with just being a loaner. Ive tried the Match.com thing but the women my age seem old to me. Im no spring chicken either. It seems that women have it easier to meet than men do. You need to move back to your parents and start over again. Trust me, your parents will understand. I dont believe this can be fixed. If I were you, I would start dating immediately. This will help you re-invent yourself and to get over your past. Mind you, dating isnt about meeting someone to replace your ex. Its about being sociable again. Youve heard the expression before, New places and new faces. Get moved out and stay busy in your work to pass the time but definitely start dating. Theres lots of nice clean-cut guys out there and are waiting in line to meet you. Your young and time is on your side. Good Luck!

    Source(s): Life at 49.
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  • 8 years ago

    You have been very foolish to rush in and marry him.All the danger signs must have been there at the start and all this could have been prevented.

    You need to communicate and work out what and who needs to try and change.

    If no action is taken and neither of you are willing to work hard to save the marriage then its over.

    Dont waste any time in a miserable marriage,try and work it out but you need to talk first.

  • 8 years ago

    Ge you only been married 9 months ? wow not long been married huh ? seems both of you are way too precious ok give your self some breathing space you seem to be the type of person who wants every thing you haven't given your marriage much time

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    you need to try a lot harder than this.

    some people aren't as lucky as you, having someone love you enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you.

    if you're unhappy, tell him about it. try to work things out as a couple.

    don't give up yet. it's way too soon.

  • 8 years ago

    You should spend a little time alone, like stay at hotel and think about your marriage.

    I hope this helps and that you guys have thought it through!

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Too many negative waves in home spoiling the mental strength. Chat with le.smale@yahoo.in and lets find good solutions.

  • 8 years ago

    Pleasant evening,

    I Nachiketh advocate A.P High court , Hyderabad submit the following few information as per your query.

    Answer :Your husband attitude is a sadistic mentality as well as cruelty.

    Please inform me where are you form ? ( City , place and mobile number) as soon as possible.

    Your husband must go for psychiatric treatment as son as possible.If you want to escape from your place then what do you do?

    where is your parents? What is your husband profession? Please call me as soon as possible to escape from your husband .

    If you want any help from me always welcome.

    THANKING YOU

    NACHIKETH

    9885166618

    9703500856

    ADVOCATE ANDHRA PRAESH HIGH COURT.

    nachiketha5@yahoo.co.in

    Source(s): The Domestic Violence Act
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