What's step two for a gay teen?

I did it. I told someone that I'm gay, and it went great. For a while. I told her I was gay because she told me she was bi. Turns out she was lying. On top off that, the one person who I really want to know won't have anything to do with me. We were friends for years and now we never talk. This hurts me so... show more I did it. I told someone that I'm gay, and it went great. For a while. I told her I was gay because she told me she was bi. Turns out she was lying. On top off that, the one person who I really want to know won't have anything to do with me. We were friends for years and now we never talk. This hurts me so much because she was one of the few people who would actually say she was my friend. I never really have maany true friends, and when I get one, I hold on for dear life. But now she's gone, leaving me in a pool of depression. Lastly, there's the biggest issue with my life. That's having to live with the fact that any guy I love, any guy who I truely want to spend my life with would never return my love, and would hide from me if he ever knew. This is the worst deppression a gay guy can have, and It keeps me up night after night. It has made me try to kill myself, only to let the knife drop from my throat to my bedroom floor. I'm at my last rope, and next time I feel it won't just be suicide attempt. It will be suicide.

People say telling someone will make you feel better. It left me without trust nor a true friend. People say you will always find love. Where will I find love in this hurricane I call life? Where the winds of my secret rip at my body and the waters of my shame flood over me, eroding me like a stone until I am but sand on the beach of life. people even have the audacity to say it will get better. How? How Will It get Better? HOW WILL ANY OF THIS GETT ANY BETTER!?!?! I'M THIRTEEN AND I CARRY A FRIKING SUICIDE NOTE AROUND IN MY WALLET!!! TELL ME HOW IT WILL SUDDENLY TURN SUNSHINE AND LOLIPOPS FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME!!!!! Someone who walks their path shouldering such a burden as mine has a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, so tell me what it looks like from me outside. Tell me how I can make suicide seem like a BAD idea, instead of a good one. If I don't choose a favorite answer, just know that it was too late for me to turn back. Please just help me pull out of this spiraling fall.
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