(MALES PLEASE HELP) I kind feel like "the guy" in the relationship. Views on girls making plans/spending money?
(I will take views from girls as well)
I'm a 19 year old female living in Pennsylvania and he's 22 turning 23 in New York this week and I'm visiting him for the 2nd time. We met online at a site called Stickam and started talking a lot and I finally met him 4 months later and that was that. He's pretty much my boyfriend.
Now for his birthday I bought him one of his favorite icons suit jacket, a DVD set of his shows, 3 of his ties, and a funny book about courtroom stuff since he's into becoming a lawyer.
I'm going to see him for a few days this week so I can be there with him during his birthday and I wanted to take him out to a nice restaurant for dinner even though this is all a stretch for me. I am working two not so high paying jobs but because I care about him I don't see money as money, it feels good to give and I know he'll be happy.
My question tho is, in regards to the nice restaurant I guess it's cliche but then again it is his birthday. I will include as well that he has taken me out to eat multiple times and payed. And after that I make us share costs. Like he'll pay for dinner and I'll pay for the taxis or trains. He also pays a lot of bills and for everything himself even though he lives with his Father and his fathers girlfriend til we move in together in a year.
I am not a feminist but I really like being independent and not have to be dependent on anyone. My saying I mad up is, "Even ATM machines give out money sometimes too."
I guess my question guys is, do you think it's bad that I spend so much money on him? Until I move out in 2 months money is just for saving and I like doing stuff for him it makes me feel great. But some people are all into the whole traditional guy take care of girl and plan everything. We were friends first so the relationship is the same just stronger cuz we are very sexually attracted to each other and also have a friend bond as well. So it's not your typical go on official date crap. We go out to eat together etc but it's chill and that's how I like it.
- NormandLv 49 years agoFavorite Answer
I'm not a big believer in traditional gender roles, do what works for you both. If neither one of you have any problems with how things are going, then you're fine.
Some guys do have a lot of ego tied up in the 'provider' status and feel really guilty and stressed out when they can't follow through on what they think is their duty. So, do what you're doing now and have him pay for certain things and you others. That way you're both providing for each other and no one gets a free ride.
Just look out for any sign that he might be trying to take advantage of your willingness to pay for things. It can happen whenever there is an inequality in a relationship, it doesn't matter whether the guy always pays or the girl. I'm not saying that will happen, just that it can if you let it.
Hope that helps!Source(s): Self
- 9 years ago
Im a guy and i think you are doing alright. Most of these dating "conventions" actually come from the movies. For example the "3 day call rule" actually comes from the movie: swingers. I digress
To answer your question: In my personal view whoever makes the most money should pay. If you make more money than he does, which it sounds like because he lives with his folks then you should pay for more things.
Basically i feel that if you make more money then him but expect him to pay for more things you are SELFISH