If parents are paying for the wedding, the couple has no say?
So many people seem to use that as an answer as be all end all. While it holds true for th most part but I think there's a limit.
Even if parents are paying, I think the couples wishes should be respected regardless, after all, it is their wedding so don't their happiness count? If their wish is not going to cause extra financial strains eg. Difference in colour tastes, then I think parents (even if they are paying) shoul respect what the couple wants, after all, are they paying because they genuinely want to help or is completely self serving?
One might counter this by arguing that if the couple wants it their way, then pay for it themselves, I'll give u an example why this argument doesn't want work...
A girl i know want to have a small intimate wedding of 50 close friends and family. She and her husband are more than happy to pay for the whole wedding themselves and they can afford it. Parents got extremely upset because they had in mind a grand wedding of 300+ guests. Couple rejected the idea, got into a fight with parents, couple gave in to avoid further drama but told if that's what parents want, they simply cannot afford that many guests, parents say no problem, they are willing to help pay for it. Parents end up taking over wedding planning, invited every John smith in the community, turned wedding into a circus. Couple was stressed out and upset, because it's not what they wanted.
Some try to convince them weddings are not only for the bride and groom, it's for the whole family. OR if parents are paying, too bad and just go with it. Little do other ppl know thy couple was forced to have a big wedding, parents used money to manipulate what THEY want, not what couple wants. Could the bride and groom have stood up for themselves and say no big wedding, we don't need your money, we do it our way! Sure, but saying that would've caused a lot of bad blood and huge fight with parents.
Anyway, based on the story, this is exactly why I don't always agree when ppl say " 'whoevers paying call te shots" Its not always so black and white. Do u still agree with my question?
Ps I am NOT the couple in question
- PLv 58 years agoFavorite Answer
If the parents are paying for the wedding then they should have a say in the wedding planning. Yes it's the bride and grooms day but it's also the brides parents money. If the couple wants a wedding with 300 guest and the parents can't afford that kind of a wedding then they shouldn't have to pay for it. The parents have a right to step in.
The bride and groom should have a say in how they decorate the wedding. The parents should have a say in how much the wedding will cost. The parents have every right to turn down certain ideas because they feel it's too expensive.
I just got married and my fiance and I had to pay for most of our wedding. We were on a tight budget. Yet I was able to keep our wedding cost down and have a wedding under $10,000. My parents gave us $4,000 to help us out with the wedding and that was it. Because it was their money they had a say in how their money was spent. I agreed with them!
When you pay for your own wedding you learn a lot. Since, my fiance and I had to pay for most of our own wedding we both learned so much. We put ourselves on a strict budget. My parents did too. When a parent pays for their kids wedding I believe it doesn't teach the kids anything. Brides want these fancy weddings and then the parents get stuck having to pay for it. I do believe the parents have every right to step in and say no we can't afford that! Honestly, when my fiance and I paid for half our wedding we had no wedding wedding drama! Best thing a couple can do is pay for their own wedding!!Source(s): Married!! :)
- CarbonDatedLv 78 years ago
If the parents are paying for the wedding, they are the HOSTS. It's their show. The bride and groom can decide how many and who form the bridal party, but otherwise, it's up to the parents.
I think the SIZE of the wedding certainly should be agreed upon. If the couple wants a small guest list, their wishes should be accommodated. If not, they can tell the parents to go fly a kite and pay for and host their own wedding.
At some point, you have to decide you are an adult. If you feel your parents are being manipulative, it's time to call them on it. If they won't compromise, put them out of their misery and tell them it's over - you will make your own arrangements. If there is bad blood, too bad. It doesn't say much about the parents.
Neither my husband nor I invited our parents to our wedding. We held backyard receptions in each state after the fact.
- CarolineLv 68 years ago
Yes. If the parents pay for the wedding, they are the wedding hosts. They get to choose how their money is spent, of course. Why should someone else get that power? The couple getting married has the choice to turn down the money if they're not happy with the terms. Yes, always. No couple can be forced into taking the money and having a bigger wedding than they originally wanted. That's laughable.
- truefirsteditionLv 78 years ago
The person writing the checks has the power. This is true in any situation in life.
Now, lots of couples have parents who contribute to their weddings and the parents are very easy-going and don't want to cause a fuss or lay down rules. And that's fantastic and works well for many people.
But some parents decide that if they are footing the bill for the wedding, it should be the wedding that THEY want, regardless of the couple's feelings. And if that's the kind of parents your friend has, she probably knew that they manipulated people with money long before she got married.
If you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to say to your parents, "I really appreciate this generous offer, but it's important to Joe and me that we pay for our own wedding, because we want to keep it small and intimate. I know you all were looking forward to a big celebration - how would you feel about helping us throw a party for your friends and relatives when we get back from our honeymoon?"
When you let someone else pay for things, you cede total control of the decision. That's simply how it works. If it's important to you to have control, you have to stand up for yourself and either find ways to compromise or refuse to accept the money.
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- fairypelicanLv 68 years ago
YES - even if parents are paying - then the wishes of the couple should still be taken into account.
This is not really an occasion for the parents to flaunt their wealth & invite all their business associates / friends who have little or nothing to do withe the couple.
In the case mentioned there were 2 possibilities here :-
A - the couple should have said - Thanks ; but no thanks ( are they going to continue to let the parents manipulate them in this way) Also - the parents may have been peeved - but would have gotten over it.
B;- The couple could have parents - We want ABC - you want XYZ ( something totally different to what we want ) How abotu we comprise & have ACZ .
IF the couple are old / matuer enough to be getting married - then they are old enough to take the chance on their parents being upset & for them to stand their ground.Source(s): LIFE - had something similar concerning my younger daughter & my ex husband. He decided that as her 21st birthday party was being held at his place - then he could invite some of his friends - HE was only paying a share of the costs. I was NOT happy about his actions - nor was our daughter.
- Anonymous8 years ago
When anyone but the couple is paying for the wedding, reception or honeymoon, those people have a say in what does/doesn't happen. If the couple wants complete control of their wedding, than they should pay for everything.
- PaulaLv 78 years ago
I agree. My parents paid for a large portion of my wedding, and I intend to do the same for my children. But my parents gave us almost complete creative control. The only restrictions were certain people had to be invited, and certain requests on the menu and drinks. (His parents wanted about 20-30 relatives, most of whom we would have invited anyway; my parents wanted a few relatives and a couple of close family friends, maybe about 15 altogether). My parents had zero input on colours, dresses, venue, church service etc.
It's like when you buy a gift for your child, or host their birthday party. You do it for them so by and large you give them what they want (within reason). Even though you're paying, it's your gift to them and it's still their day.
- ChemoAngelLv 78 years ago
That wasn't the case 18 years ago when I got married. Yes, my parents paid for the wedding, but they involved me in every detail of it. After all it was my wedding, and they wanted it to be special for me.
Yes..I agree with your question. It's not always "Whoever's Paying calls the shots".
- diamondcollectorLv 78 years ago
the hosts have complete say. sorry.
polite parents take the bride and groom opinions on the subject.