What is going on, am i a lesbian?

I just turned 23 if that helps. I know as a little girl I had crushes on boys because I thought they were very cute. I can remember thinking this one friend of mine was very pretty but other then that I did not even notice girls. Back then, I was always a huge tom-boy because I love sports so I dressed like a guy to be like them. I never wanted to be one but just like them because I felt comfortable around them but so did I around girls they just shared very little of my interests at the time. I am a very passionate person when I find something I like, so inevitably I was going to surround myself with those that shared these interests. (Skateboarding, soccer, snowboarding, etc). Which was mainly boys. As I have grown I also have a side that relates to girls (generalizing from my own experience) more then boys in that I like to be expressive and write, dance, draw, play ukelelee, am an avid writter of poetry, dress pretty, smell good... I am actually a 2-d visual art minor because of how much I love to paint.

Now, throughout my life I swear I have had only physical crushes on guys and my intellect and emotions have only been engaged by girls, causing me to well it feels like fall in love with them. This has only happened with two girls. I never even thought they were pretty, well not ugly but nothing like when I see a cute guy. But for one we became friends and she really had some amazing things to say. We really didn't even have that much in common but I found myself wanting to listen to her and everything she said after a while, like no one in the past. She almost worked her way into my attention. I found out she was a lesbian when she jumped in my bed sober after I had gotten back from hanging with a group of friends and I was drunk. She kissed me when I was sleeping but as I woke up I noticed I felt like she was so special to me it was actually a special kiss. But I pushed her away; but inside I felt hurt because I liked her so much. I hurt her feelings that night. We are still friends but I told her I am not a lesbian. Things are the same and I still love her on this strange level that I can tell she knows but I have not openly admitted other then showing through always wanting to be near her her; but I am moving away so it will not be as easy as it was in college to hang out.

The second time this happened to me was senior year of college and I didn't even know this girl. One day she made a speech and it caught my attention. How it did was that her beliefs were the same as mine on the topic of individuality. She was funny and interesting. I walked away thinking man she seems cool. I made a speech on a different topic about a week later and she happened to be the one reviewing it and had to write notes on how to improve it. She wrote" wow, you are such an interesting young woman. There is a world out there that you will help so many people. Never loose your voice." Then one day in class she was looking at my hands and grabbed them and pointed out I only have one wrinkle on my hands. But she would not let go it made me uncomfortable. But after becmming friends the same thing happened I wanted to be around her all the time and found everything she said to be so interesting and important to me for some reason. She was all I could think about when I was not with her. For her I wanted her to hold my hand and I wanted to hug her and I wanted to kiss her. But I just never did anything about it. We still talk too and she always says things that make me blush like we should just move to the beach; but I just don't know what to do. I am not shy but I am shy about liking girls. These two make me feel like I could shut out the world and talk to them all day. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings by expereimenting with girls that have already expressed their interests in me but I am not certain if I share the same. That seems wrong to me.

I will say that of my 2 real/ longer then 1 month boyfriends prior to these feelings towards these girls, the feelings made me feel alive and they were so refreshing, I felt so connected and the relationship did not feel superficial. Which being me, superficiality, is just not something that can keep me around for long. I know I love people though in general and they interest me and I care about all of them; so maybe this is what is causing such confusion in the boundaries of my own sexuality. In a nutshell, I could see myself with a girl or a boy. I can't tell which I am attracted to though on a romantic level. I feel like if it is a boy he would have to be a lot like a girl (not just any girl though one with passion and interest and intelligence and deepness and sensitivity) . With boys anything more then playing sports and i am gone. Seriosuly, I don't even really like talking about sports so once the game we are playing is over they pretty much loose my interest. Where with those girls I felt a true natural and passionate connection (wh

4 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    your bisexual. sometimes also if men abused u. u might turn lesbo because u fear men hurting u again and u feel safer around chick. it totally normal dont worry. im 99% straight an 1 percent bi

  • pinder
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Well, you certainly have not met me and my female friend ;) I feel you are simply targeting butch lesbians who are not defined or suggestion of as lovely - and also you are not branching out and considering that the beautiful lady jogging subsequent to you at the avenue would be homosexual. Get external of that lesbian butch field and become aware of that ANYONE may also be homosexual. I the street to discovering your lifestyles companion is complex for every person. I imply, certain, persons discover them faster in lifestyles after which a few later so the time is distinctive, however the street is the equal individually. One day, all of the sudden, any person will arise and you can consider it. You'll understand. You can not ever be certain of while. I met my female friend (I are not able to stand the phrase companion) via my former roommate who truthfully had a weigh down on her first. She had lengthy brown hair, brown eyes, tanned epidermis, satisfactory palms and a butt on her. It was once the whole lot I was once watching for bodily and while I seemed into her eyes it was once the whole lot I was once watching for emotionally. I had a female friend on the time who I wasn't so into and approximately 2 weeks later I went after the woman I knew I will have to be with. It's been a 12 months now and my resolution was once the nice one among my lifestyles thus far! Good success to your seek. Patience is essential.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Your bisexual

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    you are just another lezzo slut!

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