Boston University essay?

My BU essay, I know it is over 500 words, but I plan on condensing later.

Everyone always told me, “High school will be the greatest four years of your life.” Little did they warn me it would be the hardest work I would ever commit to. All my life, I was the highest in my class. I was nominated to go to James Madison University for three weeks to study forensic science when I was only in elementary school. Not long after that I applied to the Passaic County Technical Institute, to train in medical arts.

I remember the happiness when I got accepted, but I also remember the happy feeling fading, quickly feeding into my ego. During orientation, I took a placement test in school in order to determine the difficulty of my classes. Not surprisingly, I thought, I was placed in all Honor-leveled classes for my freshman year.

Fast forward a couple of months to my first report card: it was a complete shock. All my grades were C’s down the line! What went wrong? I went to the school board in an attempt to lower my classes, but my school forbade it. They told me gifted students commonly went through an adjustment period since these classes were harder than anything they had been previously taught. That meeting is about all I remember from freshman year because on January 11, 2010, a car hit me as I crossed the street.

The hit from the car caused my brain to bounce within my skull, and the vibrations left me with a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). My brain was disarray, and it had to work extra hard to repair itself. The ER doctors had to medically induce me to a comatose state to give my brain a chance to relax as it sorted itself out. After weeks with little hope of recovery, I finally awoke, though not yet healed. I drooled, I stared blankly, and I had to use a diaper. I may have been awake, but I was not aware. The long period of time with no motion caused began to decay my muscles. I began using a wheelchair. Life was difficult. I attended rehab to retrain my body and brain to support themselves again.

Many things happened in that rehab, but the most important one was finding my true calling. One day, sitting on my wheelchair catatonic and lifeless, my mother left the television on for me to watch. Little did she know that leaving the television on would morph my whole recovery as well as way of life. The television show finished, but it didn't end in my head. “The possibilities are endless!” I thought to myself. For the next twenty minutes, I began to write the possible episodes. I felt all-powerful. For those twenty minutes, I forgot the horrors that had been casted upon me. Just like that, rehab was much easier to get through.

After much physical and mental training, I was able to return to my school. However, my dreams had changed drastically. I no longer pursued medicine. My true calling was, and still is to this day, screenwriting. I never gave it up. My one big obstacle was that my time away from school had made me a bit lost. For example, I was learning Algebra I when the accident happened. When I came back, the class I left behind began Algebra II. Taking this class was like being sent to a foreign country with no translator. It was hard, but I managed to pass the class. Eventually I graduated from the program, and I was ready to be on my own.

The accident resulted in something else along with my newfound passion for screenwriting. During my bittersweet ordeal, the Make-A-Wish Foundation reached out to me. They asked if I could wish for anything, what would it be? All my life, I have been a huge New England Patriots fan, Tom Brady in particular. I wished to meet my long-time idol, and after a few months, I did! The moments spent with him were mesmerizing. During our conversation, he gave me the best advice I have ever received in my life. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't; you're right.” Boston University, I think I can, do you?

3 Answers

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  • Froggy
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Can't send my suggestions due to the size.

    Email me with your email addy and I'll send you the word doc with suggestions.

    Source(s): Educator
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  • 8 years ago

    If you are looking for some proofreading - here is what I saw. In the 2nd paragraph don' t capitalize "honor" ( I would also leave out level - just say honor courses) When you start talking about TBI don't capitalize the spelled out version. Sitting in the wheelchair would be preferable to sitting on. And your statement about " ... the long period of time with no motion caused began to decay my muscles" should probably be reworded to something like : the long period without movement caused my muscle to decay.

    I hope this helps. Overall I believe you have a good essay.

    Source(s): I searched traumatic brain injury online and looked at the way the NIH and the Brain Trauma Foundation dealt with the capitalization of brain trauma injury.
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  • 4 years ago

    Gee, I dunno, how about telling them the truth as a substitute of relying on unusual reviews from strangers? Why'd you pick BU? Come on, be honest with yourself. There may be a motive you selected them over their nearest competitors. What is that cause? Did your high college counselor communicate of it in reverential tones? Does the most up to date lady you've gotten ever seen go there? Do you admire one of the professors? Will it please your grandfather? There is a reason. Find it. Write about it.

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