Girlfriend financially dependent on me?
My girl friend and I have been in a committed relationship for the last two years, and she moved in with me for a year now. Now I'm 34 and she's 21, so there is some age difference. She was in a troubled family and her parents were divorced. I know for a fact that she loves me, but I always had this feeling that it is not platonic love, but rather someone who filled in a gap, like a father or a supportive brother figure.
We have normal life, with active sexual life..etc, however, she is completely dependent on me financially. She is still in college, and I'm responsible for everything. She is definitely not too demanding, but I'm always under the impression she's into me for the security, not love. Because of this, we almost broke up several times, but we always came back together. I truly love her, and I know she does too. Sometimes I wonder that even if it was for security, so what? I am living a fulfilling life mostly. It is just the shadow of these thoughts that keeps bugging me from time to time. Sometimes I feel I am being used, and a lot of times, she prefers to spend time hanging out with her friends, and I can understand that due to the age difference since she needs to be among friends close to her in age and interests, but it still bothers me to some extent.
So this is quite confusing to me, I have a feeling that this relationship will not last for too long (but what does?), but again, I _am_ living it now and living it well (mostly), so should I really care for how long it lasts, or just cherish the moment? I'm not really sure what to think....
She will finished in 6 months and she will get a job immediately afterwards. I'm not sure how to "test" her, I have a professional level income and she knows all the details, and we just go shopping like 4 times a year at most. And besides food...etc, I give her about $100 a week that she spends hanging out with her friends on the weekends. The rest of the week we are together, even though she is addicted to chatting with her friends on the phone for hours and hours.
I actually DID discuss this very issue with her, and she said that she loves me. However, sometimes I feel like I'm a stage in her life until she can gains independence and moves on. But I am so attached to her that leaving her would be devastating for me. I think we need each other, maybe for different reasons, but we definitely do. I can't imagine myself being alone again and trying to find a new relationship, it gets difficult as you get older.
- MacGLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
Does she call you daddy? Because it sure seems like you're something of a replacement dad, an authority figure. Sooner or later she'll rebel against that, in all likelihood, whether or not she really loves you or is just using you. You know, females do find security attractive, anyway, so using might be too strong a word anyway. I don't know her, so I can't say. But whatever the case is, you have to decide whether you would like to have a future with her or not. From what you say, it sounds like you feel she is OK for right now, but you don't really love her.
- 8 years ago
Live for now, just don't marry her and till these issues are resolved. I don't know how long she has school left, but when she has the first opportunity to get a job, then she needs to. Maybe a even a part-time job till school is done. I am a stay at home wife and I sometimes wonder if my husband feels the same way you do, however he has never said anything.
- 8 years ago
test her! & if you could break up do it asap because if she's into you for the security it'll only get worse & you only get older! you are too understanding & selfless which is good but not good that she takes advantage of it. testing her is a better way of doing that way she'll do what she wants not what you want her to say. be discreet though. dont let her know your objective. & well if shes genuine about the situation, then great, but if shes not then you know whats up. i know you love her but its better to have enough time to find someone else who GENUINELY does then live with someone who does for the wrong reason. youre older than her running outa time but she has more than enough to find someone else who loves her too so dont feel bad for her. goodluck with that
- petrasLv 43 years ago
by using the way, forget approximately what some mentioned with regard to the whole lesbian ingredient. you like who you like. besides i think of considering you replaced into so used to getting extra funds, this surprising drop has substitute right into somewhat bit a ask your self. it is going to take some getting used to. in simple terms plan the style you spend it and probably initiate saving some so which you and your gf can circulate on trip. Or extra efficient yet save up something to purchase for her on condition that she is working lots. She might maximum possibly relish that. :)
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- the_branchiseLv 48 years ago
Tell her she is too dependent. If she disagrees, beat her. consistently until she becomes compliant