Is this a good first kissing scene?
I asked this in a different forum but only after adding it did I realize it was in the wrong forum so yeah.Okay so this is part of my book series. I wrote it on my IPod so there may be some mistakes. Please just let me know what you think. Is it original? Is it well written? Let me know if I should change anything
~"I hate AP classes," Addy muttered, flipping through her notebook. "What did you get for number nine?"
"I got zero." Addy's eyes furrowed together in confusion.
"How did you get that?" Cody showed her his notebook, walking her through the equation. Addy put her books on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch.
"This is boring." Cody put his stuff down and leaned back next to her.
"Agreed." Addy closed her eyes an let out a tired sigh. She glanced back at Cody and caught him staring at her.
"Pictures last longer you know," Addy joked. Cody cleared his throat nervously and dragged his gaze away.
"You don't need to apologize."
"You have really pretty eyes Adds." Addy blushed.
"Can I read your palm?" Cody asked suddenly.
"Um sure," Addy said, tentatively handing Cody her hand. Cody gently took her hand and flipped the palm up.
"This line right here is the life line. Yours is very long so you'll live to be an old bat. This other line is the fortune line. It's pretty long too so you'll probably get a lot of money soon." Addy laughed as he continued to gently fun his finger over her palm.
"You have a heart on the bottom of your palms. That means you'll find true love." He paused. "Can it be with me?"
"What?" Addy asked sharply, pulling her hand away. Cody shot to his feet.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. God I'm such an idiot!" Cody gathered his stuff and headed towards the door.
"I'm sorry," he said a final time before leaving. Addy grabbed her cell and called Juliette.
"This better be pretty freaking important!" Juliette snapped into the phone. "You know I don't like to wake up before two unless it's a school day."
"I...uh. I think Cody said he loved me." Silence.
"I'm coming now." Five minutes late there was a pounding on Addy's front door.
"Open up Princess!" Juliette yelled from outside. "I want the details!" Addy opened the door and dragged Juliette inside.
"So what happened."
"Well we we're sitting on the couch doing homework and he asked to read my palm. I let him and then he commented on how I have a heart on the bottom of my palms. He said it meant I'd find true love then he said if I would find it with him."
"Aw Addy that's so sweet! What did you say?"
"I-I didn't say anything."
"What?" Juliette practically screeched. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I don't know if I want more than a friendship with him."
"Addy come on! Everyone can see you two have chemistry."
"I don't want to put myself out there again." Juliette sighed.
"You need to let Ty go. He was a jerk. I can tell Cody isn't like him and my guy senses are almost never wrong."
"You were wrong about Ty."
"He was a vegan! I thought vegans were all nice. Plus I said almost. Listen Addy, I know I can't really give you guy advice considering I lack sexual appeal, but you need to take a chance on him. Trust me. He would never hurt you." Addy sighed slowly.
"You're right. I'll go over and talk to him now. Thanks Juliette."
"No problem Addy." Addy stood and started towards the door
"Nothing to steamy while you're there! Keep the kiss close-lipped unless he starts with the tongue! Otherwise he'll think you're a skank!" Juliette called as Addy walked out of her house. Addy laughed, shutting the door. Addy walked to Cody's house and knocked on the door. Cody opened it and looked slightly shocked.
"Addy, I didn-." Addy leaned up and gently pressed he lips to his warm ones, cutting him off. Cody's eyes doubled in size then slid shut as he wrapped his arms around the small of her back. Addy wrapped her arms around Cody's neck, pulling her closer to him. She parted from him slowly and tested her forehead against his.
"I want to find true love with you," she whispered. Cody grinned and captured her lips again in another passionate kiss.~
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
i think this is pretty good. my only recommendations would be to lengthen the hand reading part and the friend. my only problem with grammar is that you tend to use the words"cody" and "addy" quite a bit, when you can simply replace it with "he" or "she".
Take this example: "Um sure," Addy said, tentatively handing Cody her hand. Cody gently took her hand and flipped the palm up." We already know only two people are in the scene - cody and addy- so there isn't any need for you to say "cody" twice. "he" would fit in better the second time. there are a few other places where switching the word would be good also. i hope this helped some(:Source(s): i love writing
- 9 years ago
Its pretty cute, and the whole palm hand thing was good. Maybe stretch it out a bit more, cause it seems unusual that her friend would come for one second and then leave the next. Perhaps the two friends could live on the same street and they could both walk outside to meet each other while still on their phones? Little details make all the difference.
- pleissLv 44 years ago
Kinda too indistinct of a query theres alot of sequence that experience a kissing scene. And no longer inuyasha as earlier recommended the most important characters kiss as soon as and in one of the most films no longer the television exhibit and it particularly wasnt a kiss in any respect. Romeo X Juilet is a tight romance anime situated at the play.
- 9 years ago
Very cute, if not a bit cliched. But hey, that's what cute kissing scenes are for, right? :)
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- Anonymous9 years ago
Omg. To long to read haha