SO ANGRY! Should my boyfriend have defended me?

Okay, so i was a horrid girlfriend and cheated on him a few months ago. Because of that, we fought a lot and ended up on a break (intending to get back together after I see a pyschologist to deal with my issues). In the meantime, he told his whole family all the bad things i have ever done and they hate me now - they won't let me come to any family things. My boyfriend should have protected my reputation because in the long term, we are a team right?

He has also told his female friends, and one of the particularly bitchy ones blocked me on facebook so I can't even see what they are posting to each other (she hit on him back when he was single, so i am suspicious of her). I think its really disrespectful of our relationship and my boyfriend should tell her to unblock me.

He says, I have made mistakes and now must deal with the consequences of his family and friends not liking me. But, i find this unfair. My family and friends know some of the things he has done (eg: been quite aggresive, sworn at my mother) yet they FORGAVE HIM and still treat him nicely because we are Christians. Its unfair.

Update:

They know he lied about his education and hit me one time when he was really mad...yet they STILL invite him to events and treat him like a future son-in-law. We have dated two years now.

18 Answers

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  • 9 years ago

    Well, cheating is a big issue in relationships so I can understand why your boyfriend would tell his family and friends. I don't think he should have protected your reputation because, no matter what, you cheated and hurt him.

    I don't know what your boyfriend has done to you, but families are different. Instead of thinking about how "unfair" your situation is, just focus on being a good girlfriend. Give his family and friends a reason to forgive you.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Okay, well, to state the obvious, cheating is not good. However, I don't think your boyfriend needed to tell everyone. It seems to me that he's holding your transgressions against you, and that just doesn't seem to be a good thing for building a relationship. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, he's made mistakes, too. And yes, you will both make mistakes in the future. To have a lasting relationship, you two need to talk to each other about your feelings.

    So, in answer to your question, I'm not sure if your boyfriend should have defended you. Personally, I don't think he should have told a lot of people about it in the first place (it's understandable if he wanted to talk about it to someone, but telling numerous people seems petty and vindictive). However, if people are attacking you, he should let them know that it's between you and him. Even though they don't like what you've done, they should respect you both enough not to create drama over it.

    Also, in regards to the Facebook situation, that's just unnecessary drama. It's so inconsequential, I don't even know how to properly articulate it. Who cares if she blocked you? Trust your boyfriend to be loyal to you (something he also has to do with you, and you are the one who cheated). Just don't let that drama get to you. It's so stupid and pointless. Focus on the more important things.

    All in all, your relationship doesn't seem very strong to me. I know it's not really my place to judge, since I don't know you or your boyfriend, and I haven't seen how you two interact with each other, but based on what you've said, I think a break is a good idea for you guys. Work through your issues, and I wish you the best of luck.

    And remember: don't sweat the small stuff. Think to yourself: if something bad were to happen tomorrow, would I behave any differently? When bad things happen, it's easy to realize how silly it is that we let small things influence us too much.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    This guy is obviously not over you cheating on him and is still wanting to punish you for what you did. He may have gone back together with you for revenge...he wanted to see you being degraded, rejected, and called names just so that you can feel bad about yourself and him good. This relationship is not a real healthy relationship at all and it will only get worse from here and I guarantee it. If he thinks you are so bad why the heck is he still with you? I can only say that he suffers from self-esteem issues or that he wants you to go downhill. He is being very disrespectful to you and handling things like a big baby...he would have left you or he could have just accepted you got helped, tried to work on the relationship like adults, and stop making it more dramatic than it was. You are now getting a glimpse as to how he really is....aggressive, rude, disrespectful (to you and your mom), and unable to solve problems like a grown man. Next on the list, he will hit you. You two are obviously miserable together so I suggest you two should call it quits forever. It will make life bearable.

    EDIT: To all those people saying you deserve it for cheating...no. No one deserves to be hit or degraded like this just because she cheated and GOT HELP for her issues!! No one is even telling him he has to stay with her...he could leave, but the guy wants her on the ground and degraded....any therapist would tell you to move on or to fix those issues calmly and rationally (and this guy is doing the opposite--not gonna fix anything)...this guy wants her on the ground and degraded....honey, you dont deserve this.

  • 9 years ago

    From my point of view a long break is needed for the two of you. If he has treated your family badly and hit you one time then he isnt the one for you, and if you cheated on him that may be a big sign that you do not love him rather you are in love with the IDEA of loving him. From what you typed out this doesnt seem to be a healthy relationship for all involved.

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  • 9 years ago

    Well it sounds like you have other issues to work out, and yes cheating is bad and he doesn't have to forgive you, but he really doesn't sound like a good boyfriend anyway. If he's hit you and lied to your family and then broadcasts something that was about you two and should have remained between you two if you were going to work out the problems. I suggest ending this relationship... sounds too dysfunctional and not a healthy relationship.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    He hit u? And u cheated on him? My old gf cheated on me and i didnt hit her even tho i was sooooo pissed. I think u shuld move on. By the way im being serious. Idc bt getting the best answer. I get on this website to help people. I actually take time to reply for u cuz i care about peoples burdens. I hope i dont hurt ur feelings by saying u shuld move on :/ but a bf who hits u just loves u when he wants too. If i did that to my current gf i couldnt live with myself. Im actually tlkin with my gf bt ur question right now. We think u should move on. There will always be somebody else special to be with u forever :) just at least think bt my advice please. :)

  • 9 years ago

    If you cheated on your BF after he hit you and cursed your mother, then I don't blame you, he certainly sounds like an ill-tempered guy.

    You should definitely think about whether or not you'd be happy if you married a guy like this!

    Should he have defended you, well, he should have definitely done something.

    Now the people who he told will think to themselves

    "If she's so horrible why would he even date her?"

    heh, he sure looks like a moron now.

  • 9 years ago

    He has the maturity of a junior high teenage girl, has hit you, been verbally aggressive to you and your mother. He is intentionally trying to hurt and embarrass you. I know that he is important to you, and that you feel he has some redeeming qualities, but as someone who has been in a dysfunctional relationship and has seen many friends go through similar pain, I would urge you to cut him out of your life, completely.

  • 9 years ago

    Look you cheated on him it is his right to do what ever he wants to do since you cheated on him and yet your mad he told his family an got them to hate you I would do exactly what he did because cheating is wrong and you most likely hurt him on the inside and made him do this so this is all your fault actually for cheating

  • 9 years ago

    Cheating out rules all of that. I'm sorry but move on and don't make the same mistake.

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