Would Anyone Care to Help?

Hi, I'm David. Unfortunately I'm gay. Whether I was born this way, or turned this way or whatever, it sucks. Ever since my parents found out, my life has completely changed. When they found out, the first thing they did was to take me to some therapist in an attempt to change me. I had no idea. I thought they were trying to help me, trying to give me someone to talk to, but I soon found out about what they had in mind, so I quit going. I was now even more lonely. Throughout middle school and elementary I was always being bullied and made fun of. This made me extremely self conscious and awkward, so I always had trouble making friends. Junior year was the worst year of my life. I was almost completely friendless, and I had lost my two of my best friends. I would constantly end up having emotional breakdowns, and would find myself locked up in a bathroom stall waiting for school to end. I eventually began to slice my arms and made a habit of it. By January I couldn't take it anymore. I went online, found myself a suicide partner, made plans to meet up, and left my house. I slept in the streets and was homeless. Our plans didn't go as we expected, and a couple weeks later I was found by police, and was sent to a Juvenile Detention Center. I felt so low. I felt like a criminal. A few days later I was picked up by my parents and we headed home. I was expected to go to school the next day. I couldn't. I ended up dropping out of high school, with only four months of school left. I was supposed to graduate with my associates degree in May. I felt so humiliated, so empty, so stupid. Life at home is miserable. The door of my room was removed; privacy is nonexistent. I am not allowed to use the laptops. They are locked away 24/7 in the car. I only get the chance when no one is home. My siblings care nothing about me. They throw cruel, hurtful, and thoughtless comments at my face. I love them so much, but it hurts to be rejected by them. My parents attempt to shove religion down my throat. They read the bible and prayers at me while I "sleep", they play only religious music at home/car, they sprinkle all of my belongings with holy water and salt. It's like I'm possessed. Point is, I feel like sh*t. I've attempted suicide twice already, but i'm too much of a wuss to try again. I just want to leave my home already. I feel like a burden, and like I've shamed my family. Everyone I know looks at me weird, and treats me differently. Thing is, I need to get my GED if I want to find a "good job", but I don't have the money for it, and I do not want to ask my parents, because then they will question me, and I will end up feeling so humiliated. I would steal the money, but I did that already when I ran away, and do not want to do it again. I know I am asking for too much, but could anyone help me pay for my GED? Thanks

(Sorry, I know this is the second time I post this, but I didn't. get much answers:/)

Update:

Obviously I was sent to a JUVENILE detention center cause I'm underage...

And I can't just leave. I have no one to stay with, no job, no money, nothing.

6 Answers

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  • Hermes
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Alright -- let's cut through this and see what we can do.

    1. I don't know where you live, but I'm guessing it is in the Deep South. No matter where it is, internalize the following, you don't have to ever say it to them, but YOU need to know it: Your parents are insane. Period. Fundamentalism of any kind at the level you are describing in the modern world indicates an incapability on the part of those practicing it to see reality at all - and not dealing with reality is in fact, insanity. It's sad, its pathetic, but its what is and what you have to deal with. If I hadn't already known that, you mentioned reparative therapy, which has been condemned as destructive by every single major first world medical, psychological, and sociological organization. Practitioners of this discredited system number only a few hundred and formulated their own association, which rather than being recognized as a professional organization is recognized as a trade group, which truly is pathetic. California is about to bar it for minors and the APA is pushing for informed consent for adults. As a therapy its a joke, except for those who are forced to undergo it, as you were - those people it can damage, at least partially because of the outright bald-faced lies it tells (things like "gays don't form real relationships" and "gays are all drug addicted sex-fiends" and "its a lifestyle" and so forth), partially because they misquote or misuse the research of other experts, WHO HAVE IN MANY CASES SPECIFICALLY ASKED THEM TO STOP misusing their work, or are even suing their organization or its religious backers, and partially because the "methods" primarily used were discredited as causing real change decades ago.

    2. Everything you are undergoing is intended to undercut your self-esteem and break you down. The idea is, they think that if you are broken down enough you will "become" what they want. The reality is that you will become increasingly depressed, self-destructive, and possibly kill yourself. I very much doubt that everyone is looking at you differently, but I would guess that you perceive them as looking at you differently because your family's actions have at least driven you to paranoia -- and if you actually give in and sink into clinical insanity, they will tell each other its because you were gay. It will actually be exclusively because of them.

    3. Suicide and depression are not answers. they can NEVER be answers. EVER. So STOP. You want help? The first thing you do is stop the depression and stop the suicide, and it IS within your power to do so.

    Now then, unless you are in this area, which is doubtful - there is little I can do directly to help you -- but that doesn't mean I can't help you. There are organizations everywhere that I can get you in contact with. The organization I find to help you could be anything - including something religious - not ALL religious people are like your parents and their abomination of a church. It might be something political. It might be an LGBTQ group -- or person --- but I will find someone to help you if you are in the US if you are serious.

    My email is in my profile. If you are serious contact me. I need to know your city and state at a minimum, and whether or not there is public transportation that you can use. I need to know how you can be contacted besides email - IF you can be contacted besides email. If there isn't public transportation, I need your address to try to figure out what is actually walking distance from you - if anything is.

    If you don't have an email account -- then dump the depression and STOMP the idea of "oh I can't" -- and go forward to make a free account on one of the sites below. Do not let depression win ANYTHING AT ALL. Go forward, you may not believe it but you can triumph in every way.

    Kind thoughts,

    Hermes

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  • 8 years ago

    David. I spent my junior year in bathroom stalls, therapists offices and on the streets too. I'm now going into my senior year and after alot of cutting, drugs, loneliness and hard work things have changed. Not much, but enough that I've stopped spending windy nights scaling bridges. If you want to talk please please message me. Life throws alot of **** around. And that won't ever stop. But somewhere is a place where you can be yourself. I'm am a fully fledged lesbian and it took almost 6 years for me to accept it. Society will never fully except the lgbt community but that's not your fault or your problem. I promise that things will change, I can't promise a happy ending, but I can promise you change. And that's honestly all it takes. Go through each day with your heart in your head and remember that you are the only one who can secure tomorrow. I'm proud of you stranger. It's immensely difficult to handle all you've been through. I will think of you through my own struggle and when I am in a place where I have a good friend, maybe even a girlfriend I will know you have accomplished the same, because fundamentally we are all capable of the same things. And at the end of the day, you've accomplished more than most of the American population has 'cause its easy to live off an office salary but living from nothing is the hardest thing anyone can ever do. I wish you the best David, honestly. Luck & peace.

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  • 8 years ago

    I personally would take the humiliation of asking for money to get a GED just that once. Once you get your GED you can find a better job like you say. Its better to take the humiliation just that once or a couple more times than not having an education to move out of your parent's and be humiliated the rest of your life. Be strong don't try to take your life away, show them that you stand your ground. Or like others said search for organizations that help out with cases similar to yours, the help is out there just gotta know where to look. I hope you succeed in life so you can shove it on those who put you down :)

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  • Jon
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    Your sexuality will only ruin your life if you let it. Up until this point, you have. Your family might never accept you, but that does not mean that you can never be happy. If you hate your life, go do something about it. First things first, get the f*ck away from those horrible people.

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  • 8 years ago

    It gets better. Don't worry. It's not worth loosing your life over. One day you're going to find a wonderful guy that loves you so much it's like a fairy tale.

    You're not forced to stay with your parents. Leave. It'll be worth it.

    It gets better, don't worry. Stay strong.

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  • 8 years ago

    Then just leave, jesu. You are probably over the age of 18. They can't keep you at home.

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