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how far is too far to make your spouse move away from their parents?

im the wife. we have been married 5 years together for 7. i have two elem school age kids from my ex and me and my husband have 2 younger kids together. right now we live in a major city, cost of living is high, im a stay at home mom, husband works as a fast food manager. we pay $1250 for a 4 bedroom 2 story duplex in the south part of the city. husbands work is 10-11 miles away and his parents live about 8 miles away. im guessing havent mapped it yet. because we are in a very busy part of town with lots of shopping it on average takes 15 minutes to get to his parents house.

because husband is having to work 70-100 hours a week just to pay the basic bills and we dont have money for fun things or for emergencies I personally think we should move. im tired of living in the city. this is a city full of party people. with us having a major college downtown. it is not the quiet neighborhood to raise 4 young children in.

I mentioned moving out of the city into one of the smaller cities on the out skirts of town north of our city. his parents live in the south part of the city. if we move north rent is cheaper.

his parents are trying really hard to get me to look near their house ( they live in a ghetto area and im picky when it comes to the neighborhood cause that is the friends that my kids will grow up with and we all know monkey see monkey do) I have looked and there are a couple houses and duplexes within 5 minutes from his parents but they all dont have a garage whick we need having a large family to store stuff. they are old and run down, many having only window ac units, and having the back yards look like jungles and being in texas we have lots of snakes that like to hide in brush. the places are tiny most on average 950 sqft and lots of them have metal bars on the front doors ( that is a big red flag to me to start with) these places range in price from $950 to $1100

or for $1050 to $1100 we can move 30-40 minutes north from his parents and get a newly built ( 2004 year on average) house with two car garage nice manacured fenced back yard, in a housing subdivision the houses are usually larger in size being around 1200 to 1300 sqft one story houses. and have larger kitches with more storage for dishes pots pans etc.

AND the house that i am looking at in paticular is 2 blocks from a good friend of mine ( my husband doesnt like her) and she is a stay at home mom. she will watch my two younger kids if we move there for just $20 a day so i could get a part time job working 3-4 days a week. ( typical home daycare prices around here are $25 per day per child)

hubby could transfer to one of 5 stores that are within 12 miles of the house, there is a walmart 5 miles away also. its a smaller town so we wont have to deal with the day to day bumper to bumper traffic that we deal with in the big city.

his only reason he says he will not move is cause im being selfish wanting to move far from his parents. i personally dont see it being that far. i have driven to just before that city from his parents house to get my 3d ultrasound and it took 20 minutes at 10 am for 10 more minutes i would have been at that house. now i would understand if he has a close bond with his parents where he goes and has family dinners all the time or him and his dad watch the games together and what not but it is NOT like that. he sees his dad on holidays and some times not even then. we dont go to his dads house cause its too dirty at their house and not safe for the kids. he can not name the last time he saw his dad that was NOT when his dad stopped by his work just to get a discount on food. it realistically has probably been since christmas. ( it is June now) when his dad does come to our house he just wants to watch tv while everyone else talks.

( now im not racist so dont take this the wrong way my two older kids are half hispanic) but the school by his dads house is nothing but hispanics that most dont know english. the school in this other city is pretty much equally white, hispanic and black so they would have a diverse school i like that idea.

so am i really being selfish in wanting to move up north to a small city. to me if we want to see his parents we can just plan to visit and go and come back during non traffic hours just 30-45 minute drive. we would move doctors dentist and all that up there so everything would be within a 10 minute drive away with hardly any traffic.

3 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you are looking out for the best interest of your family.

  • .
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    People OFTEN live in different states or countries than their mother has lived 9 hrs (drive) from me for the past 8 yrs...she spent much of her adult life living in a different state than her parents (my father was in the Air Force and we got transferred every few years) and I've spent a good chunk of my adult life living in a different state than Mom (either due to my husband being Air Force or due to her having moved to NC because she liked the mountains)...

    People do what is best for them and their immediate family...some find it more important than others, to live near their parents after they are adults with a family of their own...

    Put on paper the savings you would realize from moving (in rent, fuel, childcare, etc) and maybe that will help him see the bonus of it...your post only made it sound like you'd save $200/mo or less on rent, so you need to make sure other expensives don't eat up that savings (you don't want higher utilities, a higher fuel bill, or anything else)...

    As for the distance, it wouldn't be too far at all for you guys to go visit his folks or them to visit you, on any weekend or day when y'all weren't could even do an occasional evening after work (I know lots of people who commute 30 - 60 mins for their job)...

  • 9 years ago

    remind him that his parents should have nothing to do with this equation. When a man and woman get married they become a team and make decisions together based on the best interest of their family, not based on how far mommy and daddy live. Tell him to cut the apron strings its time to grow up.

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