Does my poem make sense?

A friendship sparked from an innocent heart,

Perfectly glued; a work of art.

Piece by piece the fortress is built,

until the war dissembles their mighty stilt.

A blanket of sorrow falls on their realm,

The fight prolongs but soon will overwhelm.

Freed by the notion of a new beginning,

Their souls rejoice in song: ‘we are winning’

And now we lay - only worlds apart,

This is not the end but a chance for a new start…

My friend has recently passed away [committed suicide] and this is a poem i'd like to lay on her grave...does it make sense to you??

12 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Best Answer

    Place it on her grave as it is.

    A poem from your heart is an angel's gift.

    It shows God is with her.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Ya, it makes sense. Some of the words you use don't match the theme, like glued.

    A friendship began with an innocent heart,

    Perfectly blended in a work of art.

    Piece by piece the fortress is built,

    until a war dissembles their mighty quilt

    A blanket of sorrow falls on their realms,

    The fight runs on and overwhelms.

    Freed by the notion of a new beginning,

    Their hearts sing together ‘we are winning’

    And now we lay in distant worlds apart,

    It's not the end Dear Friend but a new start…

  • 4 years ago

    It shows a familiarity with the English language, and states that he is comfortable enough with the foreign language to skip some of the rules. But no, it doesn't seem like proper English. The first stanza is confusing because chatting, matting and dating; looking for the correct pronunciation is odd; when you read stanza two, then you can see the correct pattern and remove the first line is the rhyme scheme. The poem sounds as if he has a crush on you; I don't believe that it can be more than that when you haven't met. He wants to hook up as soon as he can with you. If you live in different parts of the world that make it impossible to meet, I'd keep it that way. In other words, I personally don't care for such judgmental people, so I wouldn't want to meet him. You decide for yourself. t

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    When one writes from the heart. From one to another. No accolades wished or wanted. Your friend would have understood all. This makes sense to me but it is to your own thoughts and feelings which matter most. Whether a thought or prayer or poem the sentiments are particular to you and she. Putting it on paper has some substance for others to peep into that world you wish to share with us for her.

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  • 8 years ago

    I'm sorry, but I think it works too hard to find rhymes, as in "dissembles their mighty stilt", and I'm not sure about bring war and winning into it. The last line, this can only be about you, not your friend. I think if I were you, I'd go with something simpler, a haiku perhaps.

    /p

  • 8 years ago

    Hi. This is very touching and heartfelt, my best friend, killed her self when we were in high School , i still missed her. May she R.I.P. Your poem makes sense to me. And I like the pictures words you painted. Yes I think you should lay it on her grave.

  • 8 years ago

    Sorry about your loss from by inner part of my heart,

    I thought the poem was fantastic and forget about the bits and pieces you missed on rhyming....that poem is really good.

    Source(s): From my weird shaped heart...
  • 8 years ago

    It's sad, It really is. I like it.. I wish I did that for my best friend of mine that killed herself.. I was only about 11 or so, and I guess I wasn't thinking about things I should get her but I was selfish thinking about how I'll be alone now because she isn't with me. I was sad she killed herself. I like it a lot.

  • 8 years ago

    At first i thought it was about a couple and the metaphor with the battle. Guess itd be good for your friend as well.... sorry about your loss.

  • 8 years ago

    I'm very sorry for your loss. And yes it does make sense and sounds very good and touching. But it doesn't matter if it does or doesn't make sense i think, its what your feel in yourself. God bless x

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