My GF is a cutter please help?
Well, like the title says, my girlfriend cuts herself. I need some tips for what I can do, I already asked her why she does it, but then she acts like it's no big deal... I do NOT want to hear 1, not even 1 thing about psychologists I only want to hear things that I can do for her PERSONALLY. Thanks
- The Bipolar BearLv 69 years agoFavorite Answer
i cut myself and my boyfriend finds it hard to accept/deal with :/ but one time i did it when he was there (but i thought he had gone) and came in to find me covered in blood. he basically took the razors away, sat me down, put a blanket round me, got me a drink and a paracetomol and gave me a hug and after that i didn't do it again for a long long time.
you need to be supportive, but firm at the same time. you can't shout or get angry otherwise she will hide it from you even more, but at the same time you carn't cuddle her each time she does it otherwise she will end up doing it just so you will give her the attention she gets after you see shes done it. if she does it when your not there, ask her to ring you or text you if she feels the need to do it, and gently talk her out of it, give her loads of compliments and make her feel good about herself, then she won't think about doing it. if she does it when your there, don't leave her on her own till you know shes stable enough for you to leave the room. if she cuts herself and you walk in, do what my boyfriend did because it made me feel loads better and i didn't see the need to do it again. tell her you love her but you will be upset if she does it again and tell her she can always talk to you and she is not alone.
i hope this helps :)
- Anonymous9 years ago
I am sorry to hear about your situation for starters and begin by telling you I am an ex-cutter myself.the reason I did it was b/c when I was hurt or angry I felt better hurting myself then I would by breaking things or hitting things as some other people will do.it also feels good knowing that nobody can hurt u more then u can sometimes.I don't know if either of these 2 things sounds like that might be your gf's reason then the best thing you can do personally is try to help keep her stress free or if she seems frazzled or upset-try getting her to talk to you about it.you wanting to hear her probs is something every gf likes.they like to know their man actually cares what they are thinking about and also if she starts talking about it&calms down then the interest to hurt herself will diminish also.I kno I stopped when I wasn't even in a drs care or had ever talked to a dr about it so she can stop w/out the help of a dr&a whole lot of love from u is a great place to start:) once I either got rid of what was stressing me daily&taught myself to chanel the stress that every1 has to deal with-the problem just slowly stopped.if u kno anyone that causes her more stress then necessary then maybe try to help her realize this person is unhealthy for her or just try to help with daily stress by going for walks&talking bout your day or u can just sit at home&talk when u are both free daily.I truely hope this can be of some help to u&your girlfriendSource(s): Personally
- 9 years ago
I'm a cutter and I have had boyfriends who have tried to help me with it so I have a lot of experience here.
The first and most important thing is that she has to be ready to try to quit, if that's what you're wanting. She has to want it for herself, not because she wants to please you or someone else. It's really, really important because if she's doing it for someone else, it will be a lot harder. If she doesn't want to quit, your first step has to be helping her find reasons to quit for herself. Some reasons might be:
The scars might make her uncomfortable around people or wearing certain clothes.
There are other ways of coping that might help a lot and not be so permanent.
She might feel bad or guilty after she does it.
She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that, and she deserves to be happy.
DO NOT ever, ever make her feel guilty for cutting. Don't tell her she should stop because it hurts the people she loves, that's a guilt trip and will probably make things worse.
If she does decide that she's ready to try to quit, then there is more you can do to help. Take it slow - don't let her try to quit "cold-turkey" as they say. It might have to be gradual. If she cuts a lot, like a certain number of days a week, start by trying to reduce it to fewer days. If she does a certain number of cuts usually, try to reduce that to fewer. If she can manage that for a few weeks, reduce it again, and again if that works. DO NOT just suddenly take away all the things she uses to self-harm by force. If you take them away and she didn't want you to, she is going to find other things with which to cut or at least she will try. You can definitely ask her if it would help her if she gave her tools to you to hold onto so she couldn't access them so easily, but if she says no, respect that. If she says yes, then it's ok. I've gone through that where someone took away what I used and I just found something else to use instead.
This is very important: If she's trying to quit, make sure you tell her that you will not be disappointed in her if she slips up! She might feel worried that you'll be angry about it or you'll think of her as a failure and be disappointed in her. MAKE SURE she knows that is not the case! Make sure she knows that you're here to help her because you care about her and if she slips up, it's not going to change how you feel about her.
Remind her that it doesn't have to happen overnight, and tell her that you're not doing this because you think something is wrong with her or that she's a freak. Tell her that you want to help because you care about how it's affecting her both physically and emotionally. Tell her that she deserves to have help and to be happy and tell her that you're not going to give up on her if it's difficult for her. Tell her that you're doing this because you want to, not because you feel like you have to or because you it disgusts you.
Remember, she has to be ready to be helped. If she's not, it's not going to work.
If you want anymore advice, please feel free to e-mail me. I have a lot of experience with this and have done a lot of research on it, and I will help you come up with ways to help her directly rather than going to a professional. I will say though that if you think she's in a life-threatening situation (she's cut too deep or is bleeding too much), you HAVE to call 911. I hope this helps and like I said, feel free to e-mail me.
-CassandraSource(s): Six year cutter, depression sufferer, suicide attempt survivor
- 9 years ago
Take her camping in nature and just have a laugh and sing songs together and just show her you care about her! Also, tell her to listen to this song: Hold On by Alabama Shakes. Good luck mate.
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- ΧριστόςLv 69 years ago
As a cutter myself, all I can say is, its a coping mechanism, I hope she stops, most do, but just being there for her, is the best thing. Hope your ok.