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My best friend is crazy - how can I help him?

I’ve pretty hard situation right now and I hope somebody here could help me. I’m 27 years old man and I’ve a friend. We’ve been best friends for almost 20 years, we’re like brothers. Together we’ve gone through so many good and bad things that he’s very close and dear to me. Now between us has happened something that may ruin his life, I think.

Some time ago we met at my place for celebrating his engagement. He has a girlfriend for some years and he’s going to marry her. But that evening when we were together, something happened that I still can’t really understand. We kind of made out. I don’t know how did it happen, but suddenly we were kissing and hugging and we gone even further. We weren’t even drunk. I have to say we did almost everything that two men can do. It was pleasurable, but now that I think about it, it’s so strange and disgusting. That’s so wrong and neither of us is gay.

Ok, I can understand that maybe it was just some kind of different experience that happened only once. But now he wants to stay with me. He doesn’t want to marry anymore, he wants to recall his engagement, he wants to leave his girlfriend and he wants to be with me. He says he loved her, but now everything is different and he just wants to stay with me. I don’t understand how can he just dump his bride just because of one night stand with his best buddy? I’ve tried to talk with him and persuade him not to do something that he’ll regret. Besides I wouldn’t be with him as well, because it’s sick to be gay and not with a person that I know for 20 years.

He’s my best friend and I don’t want him to destroy his life. How can I bring it home to him that he has to marry and that he cannot be gay with me?

7 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    Regardless of you, he shouldn't marry her now. If anything makes a person not want to be with the other for life they would be making a mistake to go through with it. If he wants to be with you than he is obviously ok with being gay. He has just never been brave enough to be open about it before, but now he feels like there is a chance between the two of you, and he loves you enough for it to be worth it. If you aren't gay, or you can't handle being out, or you don't want him that is your business, but it is wrong of you to try and get him to marry someone. Are you afraid of people finding out? You say it's gross and wrong! Well it's not. You two have known each other for a long time and care about each other. You were not drunk, so obviously in the moment it felt right to you. It think you are ashamed and scared, and that you think it will all just go away if he gets married. It sounds like you feel threatened by this. If you don't want your best friends life to be ruined than don't let him go into something that he obviously doesn't feel strongly enough about for it to be right. If you can't deal with him wanting you or any of that, than you may just have to separate yourself from him. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions. What would you do if you slept with an engaged woman and then she didn't want to get married to the other guy. It is the same situation. No matter what happens with you and him, trying to get him married is the wrong thing. That is up to him, and he has made his decision. He probably wanted you all along anyway, but never thought it was possible. He has probably convinced himself his gay feelings just had to stay locked up. Now he knows what it feels like to be himself. Remember it is you who thinks it is wrong and gross, not him. Let him be himself.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Tell him that you'll never love him that way and that you love him as a friend and will only love him as a friend. Your straight and he might be bi. He needs to accept the fact that you guys can never be together because your straight and you only think of him as a friend and always will.

    He should stay in the relationship with his girl and ask her if he can have an open relationship where he can be with men sometimes because right now he might be confused of his sexuality and if he is he should find out that he's bi because he's liked women all his life and now all of a sudden he likes being with men also.

    If he doesn't want to ask her for an open relationship or that doesn't work out then for him to be happy is to actually dump her and not get married and be with a man for a while (not you) and find out who he is and what he wants from life. Does he see himself marrying a man? Does he want to spend the rest of his life with a woman?

    He needs time to himself to figure stuff out. I wish your friend luck. And what you can do is support him in all of the decisions he makes. Make sure though that you tell him you and him cannot be together because it won't and never will work out.

  • 9 years ago

    I'm gonna answer this, but I don't care for your attitude. You simply have to tell him what you just told us. Perhaps this episode has revealed to him that he has bisexual or even gay tendencies and he's running with it. This will probably ruin your friendship, but there is little you can do. Make this clear to him, that YOU made a mistake by being with him. If you want to keep the friendship, you have to blame the episode upon yourself. However, if he IS bisexual, and he wants to investigate that before marriage (with someone other than you lol), you should probably discourage the marriage (only if you wish to keep the friendship--you may end up having to cut him out of your life, sh*t happens)

    Auntie Kookoo

  • 9 years ago

    Simply say to him in person that you are sorry about what happened. Then, explain to him that it was just an "in the moment" event for you and that it won't happen again. Walk away from him and do not create or allow another situation to arise where either of you would have the opportunity to repeat that episode.

    Your friend may need to consider individual counseling if those feelings continue to interfere with his plans to marry the woman he is engaged to marry. He may not have been truly committed to his bride-to-be if he allowed himself to be sexually intimate with someone else of any gender.He should postpone the marriage until he determines who he really is and knows exactly what he wants to do. Sex is usually a spoiler in any friendship where partners are not committed from the very beginning for longevity, monogamy and exclusivity, regardless of gender.

    Source(s): Human Sexuality Studies Interpersonal Relationship Studies Social Psychology conversations lifelong observations experience
  • 9 years ago

    Odds are he has liked you for a long time after doing things with him he realized he didn't want to marry some girl. That is his choice and if to are is real friend you would see that. Also quick question how can you be such a gay brasher when you just admitted doing " we did almost everything that two men can do."? To me it sounds like your a little gay yourself and in denial.

  • TTTTTT
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    first of all there is nothing wrong with being gay or even experimenting if you are single and both into it

    but the fact that he was engaged was not right & I agree he shouldn't marry her, but not be with you since you arent gay

    could you imagine being at or even in his wedding knowing what you two did together?

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Show your friend a video of Michael Jackson running around with naked little boys

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