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Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 9 years ago

Explain this to my 3 year old?

Yesterday me and my husband found out baby no.2 has downs syndrome. We have a 3 year old Carter and we know we should explain what this means to him. We don't know where to start? Please help we want to explain this to him ASAP


There is no way I'm going to abort my little Ellie! That is cruel for me to do that and for you to even suggest. My kids mean the world to me unborn or not and most importantly DOWNS OR NOT.

6 Answers

  • Minnow
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    First, I wouldn't wait. When Ellie is born she may need surgeries, she may need special care, and the trauma of all that is going to be something Carter needs to be prepared for. Language delays are common, so things like "Baby Signing Time" and learning signing (including Carter) may be important to start now so that Ellie is surrounded by it as she's growing.

    I would get books, from the library or just for our home library, and talk about it. I'd talk about how there could be more problems, how we'll have to be extra patient, things like that. Here's a link to Amazon's book list. I'd look at some for me as well and get as educated as I could about it. I know I have a friend who has Down Syndrome and I'd talk to her mother (I've talked to her in the past about it, and she's very proud of how intelligent she is at this point in her life, about the mentality of a 10 year old in some things, 7 year old in others, and I think she's going to stay there.) I'd talk to her siblings as well and figure out what they would tell my kids. So I'd start using them as a support system, connecting me to others who would help me further, etc.

    But knowing what I do about how a baby with Down's may need extra care and it could be traumatic at birth, I'd want my children prepared for that as best as I could. I wouldn't wait until they see that they look/act differently because I'd want them to know they need to help the baby more than normal, and that they need to sign more around the baby than normal.

    Come to think of it, the Baby Signing Time videos often use children with disabilities, and you can tell some have Downs Syndrome. I'd point those kids out to my kids.

    Add: And to point it out... my friend holds down a job, pays rent, and lives in an apartment with minimal care having to be given (someone checks on her once a week or so to make sure that bills are paid on time and such.) She certainly has a life, a good one, and is not dependent on her parents. It's pretty obvious who hasn't ever met someone with Down's syndrome. I mean, look up actors with Down Syndrome, and you can get a list. Down's Syndrome is not a life condemning condition.

  • 9 years ago

    I'm sorry about your baby,thats hard! My son is 3 and 3 yr olds are smart! I know theres books at the library that you could read thats at his age level. I wouldnt spend alot of time on it, you want him to looke forward to being a big brother and by the time the baby is old enough that it becomes an issue your son will be older as well. And I would like to add, bless you for not aborting your child! Abortion is NEVER the answer. You are a strong courageous woman!

  • 9 years ago

    I'm so sorry to hear the news about Ellie! :O, but 4 Carter, 3 year olds might not understand yet, but I suggest giving hints about it to Carter, and see if he and Ellie (Ellie and Carter are cute names, I like them!) will get along, even through she has down's. Good luck and congrats on baby #2!!!! :D

  • 9 years ago

    I'm sorry to hear about Ellie. :o(

    As for Carter, he doesn't need to know right now. He's too young to understand anyway. Let him get excited about a new baby sister. She'll be a year old before she can really respond and play with him anyway. Let him revel in the fact that he's getting a new sibling. You don't need to teach him already that his sibling is going to be different than everyone else. That will come with time. For now, just let him love the fact that he's getting a new sister.

    Good luck!

  • 9 years ago

    You don't. Children accept each other as they are - they don't know how to spot 'differences' until after they begin school.

    Just let them be and wait until the older one asks you questions - then explain it to him.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    That's not fair to the kid, press abort for the kid's sake.

    Source(s): It's cruel that you would force life on someone who doesn't have a chance. What is the kid going to do when your gone?
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