Im 15 how do i get through my parents divorce without being sad?
My parents seperated about 3 years ago and just got a divorce probly this year. My dad would still come over and now he doesn't because they are reall divorced and my mom has a new boyfriend and they're getting married. I can't help but think if one word was said. If I would of made them talk it out I wouldn't be at my dads house every other week because he would be home. I don't even know what to do for vacations and my 16th birthday because I can't invite both of them to a vacation because my moms boyfriend wont want them like that so I cant. I hate being sad and I wanna scream sometimes so can someone help me?
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
It's okay to be sad. That's normal in your situation. It's also normal to assume that you could have done something about it, and to take responsibility for their divorce. That's not right or okay. These are two adults who knew damn well that what they were doing. It's not always possible to "talk things out" when the problems and differences are too vast. I'm sure they tried. A lot goes on in private that you wouldn't know about. Your parents divorced because they were not compatible and were unhappy with each other. There is NOTHING you could have done, or should have done. To put it simply and honestly, it's not the child's responsibility to save the parents marriage, it's the parents. They failed you, not the other way around. You were destined to be at your dads every other week from the start. There's no way it could have gone differently.
That said, it's time for everyone to move on. Your mom certainly has, and I suggest you be very, very happy for her and accept her new husband. No, he'll never be your dad, but he makes your mom happier than your dad did, and that's awesome! Maybe in time your dad will move on to a happy new relationship, too.
Yes, family vacations have changed. You must now go on vacations with either your mom and her new husband or your dad and whomever, or just do one on one vacations with each of them separately. You are now of an age where you can go on vacation without both parents being there. You can even go with a friend and their family. In two years you can go alone, or with your own boyfriend!
You're growing up and your fammily dynamics have changed. You'll just have to be flexible and go with the flow. You don't have to celebrate your birthday with both parents together on the exact day of your BD. Take a trip with one or the other parent for your birthday and then celebrate it another way with the other parent on a different day. Think outside the box.
If you wanna scream, scream. it's okay! Get some counseling if you can, and keep an open dialogue with your parents and tell them how you feel.
- Anonymous9 years ago
I know how you feel. My parents' divorce was rough. I hate to tell you this right off the bat but it doesn't matter what words are said now. Your parents are not getting back together. Things happened in their relationship that you won't know about for awhile. You won't get the whole story until way later after everyone thinks you're old enough to handle it, but trust me. They're done as husband and wife.
However, they are still your mom and dad. That will never change. You need to talk to your mom about your birthday problem. Tell her that it's making you feel torn up inside. If she doesn't want to listen, tell your dad. If that doesn't work, then go talk to a friend and let it out. I usually had two birthdays. One birthday with my mom and one with my dad and my now step-mom then girlfriend. If your mother suggests having it all together, you can try it, but you should be prepared.
When your parents have to see each other, they're not going to act like the mom and dad pair you remember at all your other special days. They're going to act like strangers to each other. It will be surreal. These two people you remember as happy together will just look angry or indifferent. It sucks. The whole thing sucks, but that really sucks.
When you get the urge to scream, just go to your room and put in some headphones. Drown it all out with music. Whatever you like to listen to, plug it in. Don't bother arguing about the boyfriend with your mother. She's not going to listen. Give the boyfriend a break. He's not going to be your dad, but he can be a good friend if you give it a chance. It took me a long time before I came to like my step-mom, but we're cool now.
Things will get better. You'll start feeling better when you start seeing the weekend visits as fun mini-vacations instead of depressing reminders of a divorce. Also, when you can be in a room with the boyfriend and not use sarcasm every other sentence, that's when you know things are definitely getting better.
Anyway, best of luck!
- .Lv 79 years ago
It's okay to be sad...and understand you couldn't "make" your parents do anything...if their issues were as easy to solve as just talking it out, they wouldn't be divorced...apparently, even after 3 years of separation they realized that they were no longer a good match as a couple, and chose to move on with their lives separately...
You may invite your parents anywhere you choose, but if either of them has a new partner, then that new partner should be welcome also...hopefully in time everyone will be able to co-exist peacefully and without hard feelings...
I'm sorry you are upset and stressed...it can be a very tough thing to go through and to accept...my parents split up when I was 18, but I haven't seen my father since then so my situation was different...
Perhaps if you ask your Mom to let you speak to a professional counselor or therapist, that person would be able to help you deal with the situation better, so you don't feel so sad...
Take care of you...
- marnieLv 45 years ago
My mom and dad had a divorce additionally and my dad had PTSD from conflict and received a new gf and all that just right stuff. He even nearly committed suicide. Undoubtedly, its no longer as unhealthy as you've got it. But one factor i realized was that i cant manipulate the whole lot. Although family is primary i spotted that the choiced they made was once their possess option and im not the one to fix it. I focused on my self and when I used to be equipped to search out the force to help others, i did. Its type of funny cus you probably did exactly what i did, i acquired into all his emails and stuff first cus i thought i had the vigour to vary matters. I dont have so much to tell you that may aid you however just know that your now not by myself. Good success. Also in terms of institution, you might need to appear into FAFSA or different scholarships. If your household is rich but not inclined to offer you cash, that you would be able to stop being a elegant from your mother for the duration of your junior or senior yr to broaden your probabilities of recieving money from the gov. Ensure you look into these matters, this is just what i heard. Again, just right good fortune.
- nadieLv 59 years ago
As a child from a divorced couple, IMHO divorced parents are better than always-angry-and-yelling parents. Changes can be hard, I understand, but no matter how bad things ended between them, they are still your parents. Screw the boyfriend, you have EVERY right to invite both of your parents to your birthday, and he doesn't have a say in it.
- ?Lv 49 years ago
The fact that you recognize your feelings already is actually a good thing. That will make it easier to get through this time in your life. Realize your parents did what they did on their own,...had nothing to do with you. Work hard at becoming the best person you can be and working toward your dreams and goals. Bringing negative feelings into situations like this and keeping them there does you no good. Learn from their mistakes..become a better person from them...and move on. Life is about moving forward..not dwelling on the negative...good luck