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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 years ago

She's moving in with boyfriend? Now what?

My BF is going away to masters abroad for a few months. People in his group want to rent places together instead of living alone. He only knows a few people going very well 2 guys and 2 girls. He wants to live with one of the girls that is a friend that he's known a lot closer for years (they've worked on projects, hang out) sortof close. I've known my BF before he met this girl( we weren't dating then) but he seemed at the time to have a little crush. Anyways she has a serious bF now who she just moved out with and suggested her and my BF live together. I'm feeling really awkward about it and he states it's unchangeable and he'd hate to not be together because of that but that's the easiest thing go do and makes sense. To clarify, I'm not so concerned about breaking up right now but am concerned more with what it's normal to feel, and how to act about it. My BF in the past has never been good with boundaries with friends and we ourselves started out as best friends. I've met the girl once and she was very friendly. Not threatening in most ways, but had a great personality thats almost electric and I have a hard time feeling like my BF isn't attracted to her. He is a very secretive person, so although I trust him it just feels weird. Especially because he insists on me telling him everything and he's told me flat out yeah he wouldn't be ok if I had tons of close guy friends. I've made it a point to now look for more male relationships to even make sure he and I understand the other persons shoes. I really hate being confuses so am happy to not be together but he makes me feel like I'm being stupid. He wants me to stay with him but I can't fire out WHY?

1 Answer

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I was following you up to the end there. Let me go step by step here.

    You need to trust your boyfriend, and it sounds to me like this is trust issues. There is nothing you can do if he hasn't done anything YET.

    If it really is bothering you THAT much then give him an ultimatum. "Either respect my wishes, make me happy, and don't live with her, or we break up and you lose me completely. Which is more important to you?" If his answer is breaking up then you know he wasn't worth it in the first place.

    He's lying if he says it's unchangeable, ANYTHING can be changed. Anything.

    You're acting normally, you are behaving normally. If he thinks otherwise then he is not fulfilling his part of the relationship by putting himself in YOUR shoes. Anyone in their right mind would be concerned about their significant other living with someone close of the opposite sex.

    You say you feel weird, but do you feel weird enough to tell him to do something about it is the question to ask yourself.

    It worries me when you say "in the past he has never been good with boundaries with friends." Which goes back to the problem of trust issues, which goes back to the ultimatum.

    I'm glad that you're looking for more guy friend to understand where your boyfriend is coming from, just make sure you don't do it for the wrong reasons and only doing it to make your boyfriend jealous or get back at your boyfriend.

    Then at the end there where I get lost is because it sounds like a child is writing. He is calling you stupid, what is he? 4 years old? He wants you to stay with you but you cant figure out why? Uh...he's your boyfriend. If he didn't want to be your boyfriend then he wouldn't be staying with you, he would break up with you. Obviously, since he hasn't broken up with you yet and he knows this girl for a long time then he likes you more than her.

    Sorry if that last part was a little blunt and harsh, but you needed it.

    Source(s): Experience
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