How do I behave after I breached his trust?
I was insecure and irrational so I checked his phone. I found something there which I confronted him about, but it turned out to be a big misunderstanding. He has done nothing wrong, but is very upset with me because it violated trust. I have apologized profusely, thought about it a lot and promised to change. I honestly won't ever do it again because I hated the feelings of supreme guilt I went through. How should I behave now? I haven't talked to him yet.
Otherwise stable, loving 2 year relationship.
thanks for the answers, everyone. i think he got upset because he really has been working hard on changing himself to make me happy, and to show me that he loves me, which is not something he does well naturally. i know he is trying hard, and he just got upset because he felt like after all his hard work to love me, i was still insecure enough to want to check his phone.
- BLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
I would be more interested to hear about what exactly caused you to check his phone and what you found and how he explained it. I think there's a 50/50 chance that your instincts were correct but if they truly were not and you are the irrational person you say you are then all you can do is keep yourself in check in the future and give hi time to get over it.
My hubby once saw an e-mail from a guy named Chuck and the subject line said "can't wait to meet you" he got upset and called me. I was calm and told him to go ahead and open the e-mail, he did and it was something about a dating web site. When I got home I showed him all the spam e-mails that come in. He got it and was fine.
My point: I did not get mad, hurt, upset and I certainly did not make him feel guilty for questioning this. We had a chuckle over it and still make a joke over it on occasion. So I would be inclined to question why he became so upset over this? "me thinks he protest to much".
- DulcineaLv 69 years ago
It's not such a big deal. It might seem like a big deal to you now, because you are up close with this problem. Move back a bit, and get some perspective.
I've been in similar situations before. I once had a text message that said "Happy Anniversary!" and my boyfriend opened it up and it was spam from my cell phone company thanking me for 1 year of service. I thought it was cute he was so concerned. I let him check my phone and email and facebook, I have nothing to hide about that. He lets me check his as well. It's a strange relationship I know, where almost no trust is breached because there are no trust boundaries.
The fact is... this is not a big deal. If you feel guilty and he feels you breached his trust, then vow not to do it again and view it as a learning experience. Sometimes people get so dramatic and say "Ooooo the trust is now gone, the relationship is doomed!" But... it's really not. Who says you have to follow silly cliches and rules? Just check yourself and work on your insecurities and you will be fine. Everyone has points of weakness now and then.
If you still feel guilty, just give it time. Your relationship will be fine.
- Oakville RocksLv 69 years ago
Trust is gone. Stability is gone.
- tludwig40Lv 69 years ago
Back when we were dating, my wife snooped in my e-mail. She found an e-mail from a dating website and assumed I was cheating on her, but I showed her that it was just spam. I was upset, just like your boyfriend.
The only way you'll make things better is to actually change and to prove it to him. Perhaps you should work on your insecurities with a counselor. My wife did that, and she's now an extremely confident and strong woman.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- free spiritLv 79 years ago
If you feel the need to snoop, it might not be that good of a relationship.....
All you can do is explain why you did it and apologize, I don't think the relationship should end over this.