How to reply to a wedding invitation that we will not attend?

We have been invited to attend my husband's cousin's wedding. This is her second wedding (within 4 years...) and it will be out of state. We are not very close with her, and frankly she has been pretty bitchy to me in the past. So we really have no desire to go. However, I am expecting and our baby will be born about a month before the wedding. We really wouldn't want to travel with the baby or leave her with my mom because she'll still be really young and needy. Should I include on the RSVP card our reason why we will not be attending, or just send our reply with no explanation and let her eventually piece together why? I'm not sure if she knows I'm pregnant because we haven't seen her in a while.

14 Answers

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  • A User
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Just tick "unable to attend" and include a card to wish her a happy wedding day and just say sth along the lines of "best wishes and congratulations for your wedding. We regret being unable to attend, but we will be unable to travel out of state with our newborn child. Have a great day."

    You don't have to, but being polite doesn't cost anything.

  • 4 years ago

    place the handle on the back of the envelope. sure, the post place of work prefers it on the front precise left, even with the undeniable fact that it particularly is not any longer a great concern for it to be located on the back. And evidently so a lot extra effective that way. As for the reaction envelopes I continuously placed the bride and grooms names on the 1st line. See occasion: Cloyd/Christiansen wedding ceremony P.O. container $$$$ Anytown, u . s . 12345 That shows understand to the two families, whether you are the only one which will receive them.

  • 9 years ago

    Send your RSVP card and simply state that you will not be attending. That is why they send those cards, you know? As a guest, you are not required to give any reason at all. Still, send a congratulatory wedding card around the wedding day.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    She invited you all because you are family and you invite family to your wedding, not because she is demanding your presence. Her day is going to happen with or with out you there. You have to send the RSVP card back marked "unable to attend" and leave it at that. If she asks you later on down the road just say traveling with a new baby is hard and with lack of sleep I wouldn't have been able to enjoy your beautiful day anyways.

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  • 9 years ago

    NO. You do not owe an explanation. Only explain if someone calls you and speaks to you about why you can't make it. If you see a relative somewhere and they ASK why you aren't coming then explain and just say you don't want to travel with a baby.

    I would simply check off "No we won't attend" or whatever the RSVP card says and mail it back with no explanation.

  • 9 years ago

    she loves is correct . it is inappropriate to add anything in an RSVP card . So don't ! But i see your feeling defensive . After you mail the RSVP ( include a small gift like pearl earrings or whatever , I know of a great wedding gift on ebay for less than $15.00 , contact if you want link to seller . it's not me .. lol )... call here , congratulate here and let here know you expecting . Case closed . You have nothing to be worried about. ppl can't expect us to pick up and travel for every wedding like in the old days when you just got one a piece ... Congratz to you on you new Baby !!

  • 9 years ago

    Of course, you check the "cannot attend" portion of your RSVP card and return it promptly.

    You do not owe her an explanation for not attending.

    HOWEVER - you as well as everyone else knows that people like this will demand and explanation - especially since you haven't seen her in a while.

    So, I'm going to suggest a tried-and-true "Southern Belle" type of response. The idea is you're not saying anything mean (which can be talked about) but it IS loaded with innuendo; and you truly mean every word.

    When she whines "But Deborah! I was COUNTING on you to bla-bla-bla-bla!!" (perform whatever slave labor she was hoping to foist off onto your shoulders) you can be all happy-happy-joy-joy and say "Oh, Tina! Didn't you know? I'm expecting our baby to be born within just a few days of your nuptials; and, well, traveling across country with a newborn and then having to nurse during the services - and - oh, the cries and fuss - well, it would simply ruin your ceremony... and then during the reception - well. We just thought it would be all for the best if we stayed away this time. It would ruin your entire day and take away from your happiness...."

    This is all true, by the way. She won't like it but you do have a legitimate excuse. Moreover, you have to do this in a bubbly manner - all happiness and joy - despite the fact that you would rather the earth would open up and swallow her - butter can't melt in your mouth.

    This is called "bubbling someone to death." It's half insincere - but you mean it just the same. Besides, it's true. You really don't want to take away from her special day with something more precious and lovely than a second-time bride - namely a beautiful happy healthy baby for grandmothers to gush over...

    This is done by phone, of course. You already sent back the RSVP card with your regrets. SO, just be prepared for her to whine. Then bubble her to death. Talk of nothing but the baby and how excited you are about the baby - and how you don't want to detract from her day - with a baby... She'll get sick of it and leave you alone.

  • 9 years ago

    It is usually rude for someone to ask why someone is not attending their event. Simply just say "unable to attend"

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    You really need not send an explanation, however, Andy's response shows social grace and will never be frowned upon, so I agree with him.

  • 9 years ago

    In an effort to keep family relations friendly, I would send the RSVP back with a small note of "We regret we cannot come because of the new addition to our family coming so close to the date of your wedding and we send our best" Something along those lines will be well received and not let any animosity grow between family members. Good luck!

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