Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 9 years ago

Do guys grow up after the baby is born?

I'm 4 months pregnant with my first child and my boyfriend has done next to nothing to help me. I'm paying our midwife out of pocket and my boyfriend hasn't helped me pay at all. My dad and I have been paying for everything while my boyfriend works part time and stays up all night every night. He comes to bed in the middle of the night and wakes me up. It's always so hard for me to get back to sleep after he wakes me up so I told him if he's not going to come to bed with me he might as well sleep on the couch, but he won't. I have been trying to get him to look for another job for months but he won't. I just feel so alone because I have to do everything for myself, even with extreme morning sickness, he just sleeps through it. I don't want to end the relationship, I just want him to be more responsible and help me out more. I don't even see the point of him being here if he's just going to make things harder on me. Do you think he will change when he sees the baby, or is he always going to be like this?! He was a mama's boy and his mother passed away a few years ago. Ever since then I have felt like I'm a young woman(in my 20's) raising a teenager. :(

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  • 9 years ago

    I felt the same way. Only we are 28 weeks along. All he dose is rant and rave about how his life is over and we never do anything fun. A few weeks ago he wanted to rent jet skis for 100$ an hour. We got into a huge fight about how the bouncing is bad for the baby and how we could use the 100$ for something for the baby! But then this weekend he held his baby nephew and started cry and ever since then he changed. He started helping me pick out names and he got a raise at work and we even put an offer in on our 1st house .. he is only 20 also. and I was so worried I would be raising our baby on our own bec he was being such a little kid. But something changed in him.

    Maybe your honey just needs a wake up call like mine. something to get him excited .. also if you just allow him to do what he wanted then he wont change. Guys are kind of like dogs .. you have to train them .. in all honesty they do not think like women .

    Good Luck

    Stay Strong

  • Chris
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    Wow there sure are a lot of men haters that have replied. I must be the exception because I completely changed my ways after the birth of my son (10 months old).

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    He sounds like an assh*le. He can't use his mothers death as an excuse to be a lazy father. If anything he should know how important it is to have a bond with parents, and he should want to make sure he does this with the baby. However it seems like his priorities are ALL wrong.

    My partner pays half of all our bills and when I was having bad morning sickness he would always hold my hair back and tell me how beautiful I looked when I was throwing up. He tidies up the house because I'm too tired to, he will go out to the shop at midnight if I have a craving for something..... I'm really lucky, but I know I would be the EXACT same way to him if he was pregnant (not that that's possible of course haha)

    I can't imagine he is going to change when he sees the baby. He is not playing an active role in the pregnancy so why would it change? I think you would be better off alone to be honest. He is not making you happy.

  • 9 years ago

    Im in a similar situation, but ive had my baby and he is 1 now.

    My man was very uninterested while i was pregnant, didn't take it serious. the night our son was born he was instantly so in love, he loves our son so much but he is still a little immature, just with little things like if our son is crying but he is watching tv or something its like he doesn't hear him, its frustrating but i guess that's just a guy thing, they aren't maternal like us women.

    maybe you should tell him he has to change or get out, if he doesn't change follow through and kick him out and tell him he can return when he wakes up and starts acting like a grown up.

    if it doesn't happen your better off alone, if he does change, Great !

    good luck. I hope the morning sickness stops soon for you xx

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  • 9 years ago

    No

  • 9 years ago

    Ignore the person who said give the baby up for adoption. I had my first child at 20 prior to starting college, now have 3 kids, and graduated and made the Dean's List. I'm 28 today with a 7, 5, and 2 yr old. You decide what will be best for you and your child.

    I was married when I had my first and my husband didn't "man up" until he saw the baby on the ultrasound and found out it was a girl. Come to find out, he ignored me and wasn't there in the beginning because he was stressed figuring out how he was financially going to raise a child (and he had a job at the time, just not a good paying one). I could respect why he was worried, just wish he would have told me.

    If your bf has no emotional tie to seeing the baby on the u/s then there is a great chance he really doesn't want to be involved. In that case, you don't need the additional stress. No one needs to raise a teen acting adult when they are first time parents. A lot of change comes with being a new Mom and you have no choice but to immediately adapt.

    If he's not doing much for you, then kick his tail to the curb. Causing you stress? Kick him to the curb. If you happen to have post partum depression last thing you need is a lack of support and emotional stress from someone who should be there to support you. If he's not willing to do this for himself, let alone his own child, he won't do it for you.

    No one wants to be a single parent, but you at least have your Dad helping you out. Things will be hard, but its all more a reason for you to work harder to give your child a better life.

    Source(s): Myself. Mom of 3, had 1st kid in early 20's.
  • 9 years ago

    Looks to me like you took the place of his mother. You need to decide if that's how you want to live your life because he likely won't change. Most people like him don't change their behavior unless their forced to. The only way for you to force him to would be to put the pressure on him and make him do it. Unfortunately, that will put you and baby at risk so you won't so it and he'll never change. Sorry but you need to dump his *** and see how he likes to pay child support since he's so out of touch with reality. Get rid of him and find someone who actually wants to be with you and will accept a package deal. You sound way more mature than him anyway. I'm surprised your dad hasn't given you an ultimatum of either leaving him or getting no more support from daddy.

  • Bobbi
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Go take him out job hunting. Drag him to the baby store and 'dream' of dream nurseries. My grandma told me to never let my man sit at home all day doing nothing. Get him out of the house and lead him where he needs to go.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Place this baby up for adoption, dump the boyfriend, and get yourself an education.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    NO sorry he's gonna have to learn to grow up on his own men dont have that "I NEED TO BE A PARENT"instinct like us women do..the best thing is probably to end the relationship if he doesnt turn around then that means he doesnt really care about you or raisng the child..Good luck!

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