Verbally abusive father.. help?
I've already asked this question before and got some wonderful answers on how to deal with it.. but since I spoke to my father last he's just been getting even worse.
My mother, father and I were having dinner the other night and my dad decided to try out a new way to barbecue steak.. I didn't like it as I don't like sweet flavors with meat (not to mention I don't really enjoy meat at all..). I told him this and he suddenly flipped out on me. Now to be sort of fair he had been drinking, A LOT, that night and I suppose the alcohol set him off, but I'm literally still shaking when I think about it. He had thrown his plate across the room and screamed at me calling me a, "Worthless no good b*tch!" and proceeded to spew other profanities at me. Easy to say I spent that night curled up in bed crying myself to sleep.
Two days have passed since then and my dad won't even look at me, but that doesn't stop him from ordering me around like a slave. I went out to get a glass of water earlier and as soon as he saw me he yelled at me to get him another beer (it was only 1:00PM [13:00]). I told him in a quiet sort of voice that he shouldn't be drinking so early, trying to avoid yet another drunken encounter with him. But that set him off again and he threw the remote to the television at me which hit me in the face, giving me a bloodied nose and swollen lip. He didn't even seem phased about the fact that he had physically hurt me and continued watching TV, only moments later telling me to bring him the remote back.
I don't know what to do anymore.. I've tried talking to him, to my mother, to my aunt, to my teachers.. even a counselor but they all tell me the same thing "It'll get better" (Save for my father of course). I have low enough self-esteem as it is because of my mediocre grades and rather average looks which my father points out to me almost every time we speak.
I need serious advice now. Do I leave my family to live with another relative/friend.. or tough it out another year and a half?
I appreciate any advice you all can give me, and if you need more info please message me.
- Favorite Answer
Honey, if you've spoken to all of the people who are supposed to be there to help remedy a situation like this and they are telling you to wait it out because 'It'll get better' then they are not the people you should be turning to. My step father was a very abusive man and though he rarely attempted physical harm, the emotional and mental abuse I suffered was far worse. What you are going through is not right and if you really have tried speaking him personally about this and he reacts violently, you have to know that until he's looking to seek help and is fully understanding what's he's done to you, things won't change. It's very rare that they do unless someone takes a stand against it. What I did at your age, when I had no one to turn to, was that I moved out of my parents home and into a local home for teenagers called Harbor House. I went to the local house/office during my lunch break and skipped class to have a meeting describing my situation and my reasons for wanting to leave. In most cases, Harbor House will require you to go back home and set up a meeting with your guardians to come back in so the counselor to speak to them about what's going on. They won't take someone in without alerting their guardians first unless the situation is dangerous or harmful and you need out of your home immediately. I don't know what part of the country you live in, but my suggestion is that you ask around or look on the internet for places like Harbor House. They give you a bed, three meals a day, shower, and you're allowed to live there until 22. I believe most places will require you to have a part time job so you can save money for when you leave and you will be required to do chores and obey a curfew. But compared to where you are now, that's freedom from abuse. You can receive counseling and continue going to school.
I left my home the very next day and I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not even saying it's guaranteed to make you happy. But you will have freedom and you'll be taking the first steps away from an abusive home to start healing and developing into the person you want to be. Do not stay where you are hun. It's understandable if you fear leaving or are apprehensive. But know that if you choose to wait this out for a year and a half more, you maybe giving up a lot more than just time. You're a precious girl and no one deserves to be treated this way. If you ever need to talk, my e-mail should be up on my profile. If not it's warmth_in_snow Just know you have someone fighting in your corner for you. Abuse should never be taken lightly or brushed off. I wish you the best.Source(s): personal experiences
- 9 years ago
I would tell you to tell your father how you feel about his putting you down and verbal abuse but I looked at your previous question and it seems that someone has already suggested this.
I think this really would be the first thing you do if you haven't already done so.
If you have already and it hasn't helped, maybe you should stay away from your father in the house (Since you're 16. Read it from other question).
Some may tell you to ignore him and don't think much of it but I know that this is a hard thing to do. I had a person I considered my friend a few years ago who insulted me at times. Though I'd laugh it off and pretend he was just joking, no doubt I cared at least a little bit about his comments especially because he was someone close. Staying away from him means he'll talk to you less. You wont hear his negative comments as much. It might help a bit.
Stay around friends or people so he can't say anything bad to you. Usually, if you're around others, it seems like people can't attack you verbally as much.
Stand up for your self and learn to accept yourself for who you are. / Know / that his insults are not true. If abuse gets serious (whether it be physical or verbal) maybe you should really try living with a friend or another relative as you said.
I hope your situation gets better. :)
- Anonymous5 years ago
I feel good for you on your realization and looking to make a change. My household has some history of no longer respecting one a further and releasing anger in unhealthy methods. I would think that your father at this factor would not fully grasp or might be he does that he customarily feels very powerful when he will get to communicate his trade. There's a just right publication via patricia evans on verbal abuse. It talks about manage. I suppose the first-class factor we will do for ourselves is educate ourselves. Also one other good one is nasty individuals by means of jean carter that could be a e-book you could find in the library. A excellent announcing my GP instructed me is "do not wrestle WITH PIGS" (not that your father is a pig) you both get soiled and the pig enjoys it. In my household yelling and swearing has been an authorized follow but we are trying to change that. Good i am seeking to exchange my conduct and that's all i will be able to do.
- 9 years ago
You need to wait for the last straw, and you need to say this to him calmly. Do not yell.
You: Dad, I want you to know that i love you, I care about you and I respect you, but this is not the way i want you to show me your unconditional love as a parent. If you do continue to treat me like this, I will walk out that door and you may never have the chance to see me ever again. I don't want my last memories of you, being resentful. I'm going to the mall/to my friends/to the park/out so you can have time to cool off and when i come back i want to talk to you about all of this and how this is affecting our relationship. I do not deserve to be humiliated by the one man who is suppose to protect me.
If he is drunk when you get home, simply say, "Dad this really upsets me. I wanted to talk about this and your drunk Good bye, dad" and leave.
When you go back keep it simple. If he begins to get abusive, LEAVE. Do not say anything or yell when he gets abusive, because he will get what he wants... a rise from you. Simply say, "Good bye dad," and leave for the night.
It hurts more when he realizes how you were the mature one in the situation.
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- Anonymous9 years ago
Leave Your Family OR Defend yourself Girl
you dont deserve to be treated like this.
Im trying to protect my family and myself too from my crazy brother and i cant leave because i want to protect my mother but in case anything happens i have pepper spray and a giant Metal flashlight with my in case i need to defend myself. I also look around and remember what places and what things i can use as weapons in case somthing were to happen.Source(s): me
Try not to have altercations with him, but go to the police....that is child abuse, mentally and physically..dont be scared, go to the police..wish you the best