Abusive husband but says he loves me. 5 months of marriage. What to do. I am confused.?

I am married for 5 months now. My husband treats me badly. He abuses me, calling me names, tells me that i am good for nothing. He tells me that i am useless thereby lowering down my self esteem. Every time i try to do anything new, i am criticized by him. Every time its like him only who has to decide on things. I am nowhere existing for him. Initially when he started taking control on me, i never confronted thinking that this is just for the first time or may be he wil not repeat it. but i was wrong, the more i resisted the more i suffered. When i tell him that i didnt felt good about what u said to me or the way u insulted me, he points it back to me and blames me for his anger. I mean, whatever he is saying or doing, it is all because of me.. I just dont know what to do in this case. This happens like every month, a big fight happens and small small issues would always be there every week. When things are calm, he comes to me as if nothing happened and he loves me alot (which he says that he loves me but i dont). After all this, i am getting hopeless, i have lost my confidence. I am happy that i dont have a kid as of now else things would have been worse than this. But i need to understand what all is happeneing around. He abuse me, insult me, call me names, says that i stink, and i dont love him etc. but still says he loves me.. I am totally confused. I think about this all day and night. When he tries to get sexually active, i get irritated because all that has happened to me. I cant forget what all he has said to me or done to me. And now the situation is so worse from my end that a small issue which is avoidable, hurts me badly and i feel helpless. There are very less times when i feel good and as soon as he start saying things to me, i feel like i should die or i should run away from this place, but never had the courage.. My parents are supportive but still i dont know what to do. I know i am not well and i need a supportive husband who can help me to get better but if i stay with him, my situation would get worse. I am in an indian family and i really dont know where to start from or what to do.. I am so confused. Sometimes i feel i should stay n this relationship and wait till he changes.. But i dont know.. I need help and advise badly.... Pls pls help... I live with my in laws and they also dont support me as my husband and me are earning member of the family, so they are kind of neutral + deviated towards my husband... They are from village and have orthodox thinking...

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Best Answer

    For the sake of your well being, your happiness, and your sanity, you should end the marriage before it is too late. Men like that don't change. They stay the same and get worse. You should seek help. Don't tell him your plans because he might try to hurt you. Marriage should be happy for you, not stressful. You sound very clearheaded about the situation, and you know what the right thing to do is. Follow your heart.

    Source(s): Life
  • 8 years ago

    you both should talk on this why he behave like this if ego comes in between you both may be a problem,astrologer could help also.Becoming Aware Of What Is Ego

    All of us are familiar, to different extents, with the emotion of ego. All of us don't even define it in the same way. We are also aware to different extents, about the negative repercussions (effects) of the emotion of ego on us and on others. Depending on how aware we are about the effects, we work to eradicate the emotion from our daily lives, so that it neither disturbs us nor others. Some of us even consider it a positive emotion and feel it contributes positively to our personal and professional progress. To be aware completely of the negative effects of ego and to realize clearly whether it is a positive emotion or not in the first place, it is important to first become aware of what it is exactly. So, how can we define ego?

    Ego is attachment, inside my consciousness, to an incorrect image of my 'self' which I then mistake for myself. When the attachment takes place, you lose your sense of identity in the image of the object of attachment which you create on the screen of your mind. That object can be something physical like your body, your physical personality, a relationship, a material possession, your status, money, a particular skill, respect from others, etc. or something non-physical like a belief; an opinion; a mindset, a memory, a particular virtue, specialty, power or a sanskar (positive or negative), etc. Therefore ego is the self attaching to and identifying with an image that is not the self. This process takes place entirely within our consciousness many times in the day, on the screen of the mind. E.g. When we say this is my salary package (something physical) or my opinion (something non-physical), we are (without being aware about it) creating an image of the salary package or the opinion inside our consciousness and becoming attached to it, so that we lose our self identity in the salary package or the opinion, believing that 'I' am the salary package or the opinion. So at that time, the salary package or the opinion becomes an incorrect image of the self to which I am attached. This is ego. If while thinking, feeling or speaking about my salary package or my opinion, we do not become attached to or do not lose our self identity in either of the two, then that is not ego.

  • 8 years ago

    Hun...hes not going to change. By u staying there it shows that he has control over u. Personal opinion drop that jerk like a hot potato and find a man that will treat u with respect like u deserve. But if u truely love him and want him and u to work then lrave him and take a break. Let him relieze what u mean to him and when hes asking foe u back tell him ull take him back but that he needs to stop with what hes doing bc this wilk be the last chancw. Hoepfully if he has a brain and change then stay with him. But if he doesnt leave him and show him that ur a strong women. Hope everythinf works out hun. Let me know how it goes

    lilly

  • 8 years ago

    Sweety tell your parents...EVERYTHING... don't leave anything out! they hear all that and they're gonna have no choice but to move you outta there! Thank God your parents aren't far away and they are supportive because a lot of women don't have that. You have any kids? if not great it should be fairly easy for you to get out of there. I know the fear of the unknown. But if you stay he can mess you up mentally it happened to my mom and at that point it's almost impossible for it to be fixed. I will be praying for you for peace, and strength may God be with you.

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  • 8 years ago

    okay,the problem is not you,the problem is your husband.He is a selfish,self absorbed,inhuman type of monster.

    He is angry and frustrated with something else and finds it great to remove his anger on you.You in turn dont stand up for yourself tolerating everthing ,and he gets more incouraged to do it so.

    The only thing you can do here now is sit one day and explain to him how it is hurting you.If he doesn't understand then you can leave the house.It is easier to file for divorce when yu dont have kids.

    I don know why are you in love with him.He is only troubling you and torturing you and you are tolerating everything & bein kind to him.

    Leave himYou deserve a man who is bettter than this mess.Once you are away from him you will be able to do activities you could'nt do wen around him.

    I suggest people to start doing painting or drawing because you will be involved in something and those things will not affect you.

    Please leave him.

  • 8 years ago

    tell your parents and take a decision now. because if you got baby then it is difficult for you to settle your life or problem to take a hard decision. BEST OF LUCK.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Men do not know the meaning of love.

    They think sex is love.

    There is no via media for your problem.

    Either you have to accept him as he is or dump him by divorcing him and find a job for your survival to live your own independent life.

    But it is very difficult for a woman to live alone in the male dominated world.

  • L S
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    You need to leave and go back to your parents. Abuse messes up your thinking, that is why you are feeling confused. It is a sign you are being abused.

    Abusers act nice sometimes to keep you. Get out before there are children. It is very unlikely to get better and you need to get out. Stay there and have children and they will be abused or taught to abuse you too.

  • 8 years ago

    your family life is not healthy,

    hence you go to your parent's place for some time,and wait and watch

    ,even though your problem is not solved than

    take divorce.

    pkeode@yahoo.in

  • 8 years ago

    RUN RUN RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK. hE SOUNDS LIKE A CONTROLLING JERK AT FIRST HE WILL BE VERBAL ABUSIVE AND BREAK YOU DOWN AND CONTROL YOU RLIFE COMPLETELY AND THEN IF THAT DOESN'T WORK HE WILL START PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING YOU. JUST LEAVE HIM AND FIND A REAL GUY.

    Source(s): REALITY.
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