He Doesn't Want Me To Take Birth Control?

My boyfriend is more on the traditional side, he is older than I am (in his mid-30s, I'm in my early-mid 20s). I'm traditional too, but slightly more modern than he is. In our relationship, the gender roles are pretty defined: he wants to be the leader, make the money, provide & take care of me, & he wants for me to cook, clean, and care for the children.

Our relationship isn't perfect but we try for it to be communicative, and of course filled with very passionate sex and lovemaking. He tells me that it's one of his fantasies to get me pregnant. We are serious & plan to marry in the future.

However, he does not want for me to take birth control for some reason. We've been safe sometimes & sometimes unsafe. He was raised Catholic but is nonpracticing at the moment. He's always been against it, but I don't know why...he says it's unnatural & it's because of hormones/weight gain, etc. but I asked him what would happen if I got pregnant & he said we'd get married but I told him I don't want to get married while I'm pregnant...so why is he against me taking birth control pills?

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  • **E**
    Lv 6
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Oh gosh, I'm in the same boat as you. My boyfriend doesn't want me to take birth control either. He doesn't believe in it, but says I can do as I please. So naturally, I am on birth control. It is extremely important to me that I'm married prior to having kids. And like you, I don't wish to be a pregnant bride either. I don't completely understand why some guys are against birth control. I do understand that it is "unnatural" and all, but there are non-hormonal birth control options, so what gives? I just think with your boyfriend (and mine) he just sees a future with you, and doesn't want anything tampering with that. But try to explain to him that whether you're on birth control or not, that doesn't change the fact that it is *him* you wish to be with. And if he's so traditional as he seems to be, then wanting marriage before having (or even trying for) children shouldn't even be an issue.

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  • nadie
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    C.O.N.T.R.O.L. You don't see this when you're in love, but he wants to be in control of when and how you get pregnant, he wants control of your body. Stand up for your rights ASAP, or you will spend the rest of your married life doing a bunch of crap you don't want to because your husband says so (this also goes for your plans in the future, you don't mention if you want to stay home and cook and clean, think this trough very carefully, then think about it again).

    Edit: Please listen to ohjustforgetit, it is so true. Even if you think you could be ok with that lifestyle, after a couple of years it wears you out on all levels. Been there.

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  • 8 years ago

    Honestly, what he "wants" needs to come in at around 18th place right now. For everyday of your breathing life as a woman who is not legally married, the places from 1rst to 6-7th star you.

    Please don't fall for what this man "wants". He is a grown up man who hasn't asked you to marry him, hasn't set a date, gotten a marriage license, designed invitations and he has zero right to ask you to carry his baby because he "wants" a future with you and "wants" to get you pregnant. This is the way that kids talk. Please try to understand that. This is the way that teenagers talk. Make believe. Pretend.

    Grown up men take action. If they want to marry a woman and get her pregnant... there is NOTHING in the world to prevent them from marrying the woman and doing so. Unless they are currently married to someone else. Or don't really feel that way.

    Since he doesn't seem to care or respect how you feel... demand birth control and dump him if he insists on making you a single mother. No one can take the higher ground when they are insisting on doing something low. Please get that. It doesn't matter how much he talks about nature or religion or some future marriage.... what he's really doing is pulling the wool over your eyes. The best I can say is that maybe he's pulling the wool over his eyes too but he's too old to get away with it. Don't get pregnant as a single woman with a bossy boyfriend who TELLS you he'll marry you someday. Please don't do that.

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  • 8 years ago

    OMG..young lady please read your letter. You have basically answered your own question. If you really want and will accept this advice please read on. If you are unsure and really do not want the advice do not read ahead.

    Whatever you do do not get pregnant before you are married to this man. Do NOT get pregnant before you marry this man. If you are a progressive type of young woman, the lifestyle that you describe will drive you batty eventually. You will lose yourself to your kids and husband,. You will be merely a blah on the paper. You will become a boring woman that has nothing to share with your husband other than the kids, the cooking and the cleaning. Go out and explore life before you make a commitment to this type of lifestyle. Meet somone your own age and grow with them. Meet other young women that are doing things and meeting people. The way I see it, he is trying to make you an old maid before you have even lived. He is ready for kids but not a wife. What kind man is that? He systematically trying configure your life for you. YOU make that decision, not him. Good luck.

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  • 4 years ago

    I would go with the IUD if I were you. I had the Mirena IUD for 3 years, and have recently had it removed to try for baby number 2. The IUD was painless to get in, I had it put in at my 6 week check up after my daughter was born. It is safe to use if you are nursing your newborn, and it lasts for 5 years!!! Plus you do not have to worry about pills or anything else. The only think I didn't know when I got the Mirena is that is can take awhile for your menstral cycles to return to normal after having the IUD removed. I had mine removed in December 2008, and in the past couple months my cycles have finally returned to normal, other than that, I HIGHLY recommend the IUD!

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  • 8 years ago

    His claim that it's unnatural could just be it BUT he may just want you to get pregnant already (maybe.) But, you know, your boyfriend sounds like a control freak to me.

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  • 8 years ago

    Are you serious!?

    HE GOT HIMSELF A FOOL!

    You need to wake up! you are being dumb on so many levels!

    Enjoy playing house with your sugar daddy...& get knocked up.

    Source(s): PYT (pretty young thang) ... should be PT (play thang)
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