Is this a good start to my story; Criticism pleasseeee!!! and you can revise if you wish.?

(I don't own anything from DC comics, considering this is a fanfiction..) He stood up above his city, staring out at the twinkling night lights of the city he stood for as a symbol. Of all the people every night he’d risked his own life for, he knew there was still a number of them he had never saved. Guilt... show more (I don't own anything from DC comics, considering this is a fanfiction..)

He stood up above his city, staring out at the twinkling night lights of the city he stood for as a symbol. Of all the people every night he’d risked his own life for, he knew there was still a number of them he had never saved. Guilt weighed on his shoulders every night he pulled the cowl over his head. He let his rage out on the criminals he would manage to capture, beating them to a pulp, but not enough to kill.
As he let the wind whip back his cape, he thought of the people he cared for; loved. His butler and long time friend, Alfred, and the love of his life he’d betrayed.
Rachel.
He missed her beautiful features; the brown hair, perfect skin, soft lips, bright eyes and her voice. There was so much he yearned for, but he couldn’t change the past. There was only today and the future, and he had to move forwards.
This part of him, the mask, it consumed him, and that was now the future for him. He began going out more often, leaving the playboy persona for a small part of his life, and swallowed himself whole in the darkness.
______________________________________...

It was only a little past midnight when she woke up. She was lying across something cold, and wet. For some damn reason, she couldn’t manage to breathe right. There was pressure against her lungs, an invisible weight she couldn’t lift.
Shifting uncomfortably, she felt pain shooting through her midsection, particularly her ribs, and then something dripped into her eyes. She squeezed her eyes, and rubbed at them. Pulling away her fingers, she looked to see a dark substance that contrasted with the colour of her skin. Even in the dark, she could tell it was dark crimson. Then, she brushed her fingers across her forehead, feeling the cut flesh, and stinging pain. With her eyes shut again, she tried to revisit the previous events that had managed her injuries, but she could not recall. It all came as a blur in her head; a pulsing headache.
She gurgled blood in her throat, almos choking, and began crying out in the night.. Why had she fallen so weak, under what cirumstance...
Update: K , I know there are no spelling mistakes, except for 'almos.' , but that was because my keyboard did not type out the 't' at the end. Repetitions? Okay..... WTF
Update 2: and that was too; ††AnkhesenKheper††
6 answers 6