Anonymous asked in TravelAfrica & Middle EastLebanon · 9 years ago

Any Lebanese married outside of race?

I came to the US as a baby. I speak arabic, I'm proud of who I am. I married an American, we have kids. He's a good husband but more than once I've been made to feel like the odd ball out by his family. I now refuse to attend any family functions which obviously affects the marriage. I miss being able to speak arabic to my spouse, like my parents did. I miss the deep understanding of culture with my spouse. As most Lebanese I grew up in a strict house. Maybe my way of thinking is because of that but I feel like I've missed so much because I didn't marry my own kind. Is there anyone else out there who feels like me? I love my husband but he's not Lebanese. Will my culture and language die because my kids are half American? Is it normal to miss those things when you marry outside of your race? I hate that I feel like this but I do.

9 Answers

  • Abb_
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    it is up to you ... A lot of my relatives have married latins or europeans and their children know nothing about lebanon except what they see and hear in the summer vacation when they come here .... They don't even speak arabic ... Why ? Because their mothers (my cousins) where't talking to them in arabic ! ... You have to speak ONLY arabic with them ... Because they are already going to learn english from their father and their school ... You are their only chance to learn arabic ... And be sure that the language is the key to the culture ... If they know arabic they will be curious to read in arabic and to know what is going on in lebanon , if they don't speak arabic they will have nothing to link them to their country and culture !

    Another thing is going to be hard on you and them .... They are not going to have the lebanese citizenship because a lebanese mother can't give it to her children and this is another thing that is going to make them more distant of the lebanese culture ... So the only chance is to make them learn arabic since they are little kids ...

    Source(s): a lebabese .....
  • X-GIRL
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    well my spouse if Lebanese but he was raised and lived all his live outside Lebanon. He doesn't always get my jokes, I don't always get his, we sometimes seem to be thinking about one thing differently but at the end of the day I think we are a perfect match.

    I always say he took the best of being Lebanese and the best from the English Society ( best of both worlds as they say)

    think the same about your kids, make sure you teach them Arabic, not only at home but also send them to Arabic school ( I am sure there should be one available where you are) make sure they read and write Arabic, it will not only be a cultural thing but a plus on their CV :P

    my brother in law is married to non-Lebanese, he always tells his mum I'm gonna get you the kids to raise to make sure they will learn Arabic properly ( his mum was an Arabic Teacher in London ), however if you are saying you do not see your parents that often you might need to make sure that the language would not be lost and this has to be a personal effort.

    My cousin is married to a Lebanese, they both live in the U.S. their kids were born and raised there ( I am sorry to say but now non of their kids ( 3 of them) can speak Arabic and non of them know anything about Lebanon, I'll have to say it is back to the parents, how often can you take them Lebanon? how long can you stay there?

    So even if your husband is Lebanese, with you loving abroad that is a risk that your kids will only get part of what you got about this culture.

    I was once told, we only took I do not maybe 50% of connections and knowledge of our culture of what our parents had ( since we did not live all our lives in Lebanon), our kids will take less than 50% from us, since they will be born and raised in the west and then do not even think about their kids.

    It is sad but true, we are sacrificing certain things for us to have a better life ( well at least that what we convince ourselves)

    So as said there is a lot of personal effort involved I am afraid but if it works it is definitely worth it

  • 9 years ago

    As Abb_ said

    Language is the key to everything, once they speak arabic, you wouldn't need to worry anymore.

    My aunt married a french guy and she has 3 kids: 2 of them don't speak arabic and don't care much about their mother's heritage and the oldest learned a little which made her closer to lebanon and now she loves it so much! Plus if your kids learn arabic and get involved in the lebanese culture, it will bring them close to their lebanese relatives. Like as much as I love my half french cousins, I prefer to be with my other lebanese cousins who live in canada because I feel that they are more like me. (Not just the language, i'm a USJ frenchie so it doesn't bother me much, but the person is different in general)

    So if your kids are still young, talk only arabic to them, and get them involved in what's left of our beloved culture!

    Source(s): Personal experience
  • 4 years ago

    I would not be upset in any respect. A character is a character. It's no longer the colour of epidermis I fear approximately, however their persona and the way they deal with my youngster. Love is love and I plan on elevating my kids to take care of anybody, whether or not they're white, black, or crimson. I suppose if I, or one among my siblings, ended up marrying any one of an extra race, nonetheless, my mother could ought to take a while to get used to it. She's no longer racist, however my grandfather is unluckily and he or she was once raised via him telling her that epidermis colour *does* subject. She is aware of epidermis colour does no longer make a change however she has a few disorders when you consider that she was once virtually brainwashed via her dad. Thankfully she raised my siblings and I to seem within a character and no longer care approximately what they seem like at the external. And that is how my youngsters will likely be raised as good.

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  • 9 years ago

    Many Lebanese marry outside of race, try to interest your husband, go to Lebanon with him and your kids… teach them about their history and culture… show them how nice lebanon really is…

    Your husband must respect above all your identity, if he does not it's his loss… he does not deserve to have you of so… if it's only his family, try to act more homogeneous around them… they will understand u are trying to be friendly… stay away from political discussion…

    Source(s): I know people who have been through it…
  • 9 years ago

    I completely understand what you're going through. You should teach your children to be in touch with their culture. Talk to each other in Arabic, watch Arabic TV, go to their oftenly, etc.

    Good luck.

  • Hyksos
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    I know some cases like yours and the family got detached totally from their original culture

    My advice: listen to Abb_ language is the key

  • RG
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    i agree with ABB about talking in arabic, that's my parents did to me and my siblings while we were young in australia, and i have got to say we are really good arabic speakers.

    But i do feel sorry for you, it will be great if your husband/kids can learn arabic, that will erode away those feelings.

  • 7 years ago

    you have no chance, your kids are americans, Im sorry but you screwed up!

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