I need help revising my 1st paragraph!?

I am doing a position paper on the Millionaire's tax. Can you help me revise my Intro? feel free to correct or change anything...

In the past few years, our struggling economy has been forced to have many drastic budget cuts in California due to the 2.2 billion dollar shortage which has deliberately put many people in a very ruthless place. Currently, California has declared over one billion dollars in budget cuts in schools and social services (CBS Interactive Inc., 2011). Ever since 2008, budget cuts have led to big increases in K-12 class sizes, nearly a doubling of community and state college tuition, and billions in cuts to essential services for children and seniors. Without it the state would suffer billions of dollars more in cuts, leading to schools and hospitals closing, thousands of people losing their jobs, and millions losing opportunities and services. The new measure will prevent draconian cuts from occurring and will send a signal that the people of California want to fund education and vital services. (Courage Campaign, 2012). California cannot afford to have anymore budget cuts, and the Millionaire’s Tax proposal is the best way to restore our economy and prevent it from getting worse.

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here you go. There are three bits you might want to take out.

    In the past few years, our struggling economy in California has been forced to implement many drastic budget cuts due to the 2.2 billion dollar shortfall in revenue. Over one billion dollars of these cuts are in educational and social services (see CBS Interactive Inc., 2011). Since 2008, these cuts have led to big increases in class sizes from kindergarten to the 12th grade. They are also responsible for a near doubling of community and state college tuition fees, and drastic reductions to essential services for children and seniors, and for how badly I've written this.

    Without the so-called "Millionaires Tax", more billions in cuts will be required, leading to the closure of schools and hospitals, job losses in the thousands, and millions of Californians suffering a poorer quality of life for the lack of opportunities and services. The new tax will prevent the need for such draconian cuts from occurring and will send a signal that the people of California are committed to funding education and vital services. (see Courage Campaign, 2012).

    Any further cuts in services will irreparably damage California's infrastructure, and risk destroying the unique way of life there, perhaps leaving this great state to become just a backdrop for Hollywood. While the new tax will be a burden for some bloated plutocratic trust fund parasites in the short term, in the longer term it will give the next generation a future where California is still one of the greatest states in the USA (which is to say, almost half as good as any of the states in Australia).

  • 4 years ago

    each physique starts off it in a diverse way. a minimum of have an basic profile of your characters (history, aims, aims, fears, etc). you will possibly have a time-venerated plot and start up writing organic and organic and organic and organic, or you will possibly be able to thoroughly plot and outline your novel and write consistent with that. What works for me is focusing on the story for the 1st draft. I write the story from commencing as much as end (i could pass some factors and write them later, like I wrote the ending interior the previous I wrote the commencing up and that i wrote the middle-convey with regards to the previous something). i do now no longer pass back and appropriate any of the obtrusive errors, purely with the help of fact all enhancing, alongside with, deleting and springing up could be accomplished on the 2nd, 0.33, fourth, 5th drafts (in spite of the particular undeniable fact that many drafts i choose for). I"m an beginner author, so i will choose for greater suitable drafts than the expert author. purchase some writers magazines like writers digest or some books approximately novel writing, like Stephen King's On Writing. you will get tips and advice for writing a distinctive. Writers digest internet internet site additionally has an excellent variety of writing tips for beginner writers, which incorporates a thank you to make stronger characters and plots. GL.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.