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Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceHomework Help · 8 years ago

Edit/ improve this paragraph? 10 POINTS!?

i need someone to edit this paragraph and overall improve it for spelling and grammar. i also need opinions on this paragraph thast part of my essay on how teens are more sexualized due to the meda.thanks!

On an average trip to the mall, a teenage girl is surrounded with sexualized merchandise marketed specifically for her. First she might go to the ever popular Hollister and purchase a tight-fitting T-shirt that reads, "I heart The Woody”. At the pharmacy, she will find their favorite teen magazines, with articles titled “Sly Ways to Push His Hot Buttons” or “V Card Confessions!” As she leaves the mall, she might be listening to Britney Spears’ hit song “If You Seek Amy”. And as she gets home, she will watch her favorite reality show titled “The Bachelor”, where a group of attractive young women compete for the attention of one man. Teens are being constantly bombarded with sexually charged television shows, racy music, and over sexualized magazines ads. And all this Constant exposure to so much racy content can sneakily influence the way a teen feels they should live their life.

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Constant exposure to sexual content can easily influence the way a teenage should live her life. For example: on an average trip at the mall, a teenage girl is surrounded with sexualized merchandize marketed specifically towards her. First, she may go to the ever popular Hollister where she will be subjected to purchasing a tight-fitting T-shirt that reads, "I heart the Woody." At the pharmacy, she will find her favorite teen magazine with articles of "Sly Ways to Push his Hot Buttons" and "V Card Confessions!" As she leaves the mall, Britney Spears' hit song "If You Seek Amy" will come and when she gets home, she'll watch her favorite reality show, "The Bachelor" where a group of attractive young women compete for the attention of one man. Teens are being constantly bombarded with sexually charged television shows, racy music, and other sexualized magazine ads. All of this constant exposure to so much racy content can influence the way a teen feels they should live her life.

    You can't say "a teen" and "their" ... it's improper. You have to give it a gender. Therefore, since all of your examples for female, I chose "her/she." You can say "one" or "he" but I just did what fit the rest of your paragraph.

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    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    track right this moment performs a extensive place in an adolescent’s existence. and doubtless that isn't mandatory a bad element, even with the undeniable fact that while a fourteen 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous is making a music “enable’s circulate carry out a little stupid Sh***”; it particularly is risk-free to declare that mainstream track has become much less informative and greater like what dumb sh**t will we sing approximately now, which will make us tens of millions and advance are fan base. Artists right this moment inclusive of lady Gaga, and Katy Perry, often sing approximately racy and violent content cloth, with their track movies further advertising obscurity and promiscuity. those artists upward push to the actual of the charts with each hit music it particularly is often overplayed on the radio. Take as an occasion; pop famous individual Katy Perry. Wildly time-honored with the pre-teen set, “Teenage Dream,” her recent track video portrays her very nearly 0.5 bare prancing around coastline making a music “ enable’s circulate all the way this night”. the comparable Katy Perry become only featured on Nickelodeon’s “toddler’s decision” awards or maybe visitor began on Sesame highway. adolescents glorify those starts, often viewing them as idols that have become effectual because of this habit. consistent exposure to this racy and sexualized content cloth makes it look a norm. and adolescents quickly become desensitized by his habit

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  • 8 years ago

    Some areas that need commas

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