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Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 8 years ago

Would you read this book?

I am in the process of writing a book, but I'd like to know if anyone would read it. Would you guys mind reading the prologue and telling me what you think about it, suggestions, etc.

"They were all after something. They called it The Rod and allegedly it had more power than we could possibly believe. One of the states had gained possession of it, and the other states were angry. Why did they get it? What made them so special? What made them superior? What made them worthy of such power? Well it all escalated towards something worse, and eventually the government intervened. Everything was under control, until the states rebelled against the government. Why hadn’t they intervened before? Maybe it was their fault, for keeping The Rod a secret from the rest of them! They blamed the government even though the government had played the smallest role in it all.

The government, sick and tired of it all, installed the Wall. It took a long time, but they somehow managed to install a 50 foot wall that separated all of the states from each other. Passing the Wall was forbidden. Of course, they wanted to teach us a lesson. Each state was to get its own job, as some sort of lesson that we couldn’t fight with each other, that we needed each other. Only they went too far. Each state had a job like agriculture or weather. But with the Wall up, how would the rest of us get food if only one state produced it? We all fell to poverty. Those that didn’t produce food were malnourished. There were the Bypass days, but those only came twice a year, and it was hard to get a lot sent to each state during such a small time period.

I’m not saying that the government is bad. They were just trying to teach us a lesson. So why didn’t we listen? We should have listened. We tried to rebel instead, and the government only had one option. No one remembered what had happened, because the government had brainwashed us all into believing nothing had. But what if someone found a document that revealed all that occurred? Well they fixed that too. Each of the states was given a new name (prior to the brainwashing, of course) so that if they tried to find out what had happened, they would only find information on a bunch of foreign places, the fact unbeknownst to them that these ‘foreign places’ were in fact the United States of America. Only then they were not united. They were the Divided States of America, for all that had happened.

And, gradually, all of the neighborhoods bore new names, for the same reason that the states had even though it was all so unnecessary. But they got carried away, and renamed the whole blasted country; except for of course, they left it as the United States of America, as a sort of joke, to be ironic.

And because schools are generally named after the states they reside in, they decided to close down all of the schools except for three, named after the state. So in Ces, there’s only Ces Elementary School, Ces Middle School and Ces High School. This was all too unnecessary but the government wanted to make sure no one found out what had happened, and they thought that someone would figure out unless they changed the school names as well (because schools often bear the names of the towns they reside in) and they couldn’t have multiple schools with the same name, so they resolved that by giving each state only three schools.

So of course each school was much too large, each of them having to hold hundreds sometimes thousands of students, having four to eight floors. It was all so unnecessary. It was all so badly thought out and so poorly executed. Each student didn’t even know half of her classmates, and each school had to order an absurd amount of food each year so that its students didn’t starve. Surely they could have taken a better approach. Sure before the War and the Wall there were schools with five-hundred students or more, like the elementary school I attended, but I doubt there were ever thousands.

And how do I know all this? Well that’s getting a bit ahead. First, in order to understand, one must know what the Rod is, and in order to do that, she must know about the Chosen. And in order to know who the Chosen are, one must hear the tales of the six girls, the first being Annabelle Mary-Anne Goldberg, a girl who I know very well indeed."

So?

2 Answers

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  • David
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Is this an excerpt? I don't think it should be. It's a whole lot of narrative summer, telling, not showing. Don't use this at all, no prologue either.

    If this is just a description of the setting or conflict, it's hard to judge because it's written rather subjectively.

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  • sepe
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    a number of those are from lady perspectives, some could be a splash "girly woman" to your liking yet others must be ok. i've got left the two type on and you will decide. Meryll of the Stone (Brian Caswell) Picnic at incredible Rock (Joan Lindsay) Stranger with my face (Lois Duncan) enjoying Beattie Bow (Ruth Parks) My Sister Sif (Ruth Parks) Hitch hikers instruction manual to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) Holes (Louis Sachar) Lord of the rings / The Hobbit Eragorn trilogy Narnia The Golden Compass Interview with a Vampire (Anne Rice) Requiem for a Princess (Ruth M Arthur) searching for Alibrandi (Melina Marchetta) Angels Gate (Gary group) Sisterhood of the traveling Pants Pelican's Creek (Maureen Pople) The Diary of Anne Frank To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee) The Shiralee (Dárcy Niland) Into the Wild (John Krakauer) Chocolat (Joanne Harris) Harp interior the South; undesirable guy's Orange; Missus (Trilogy via Ruth Parks) the place the guts is (Billie Letts) My place (Sally Morgan) Little women human beings (Louisa might Alcott) Rebecca (Daphne De Maurier) the three Muskateers (Alexandre Dumas) something via the Bronte sisters or Jane Austen despite you do don’t run The December Boys (Robert Noonan)

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