My Boyfriend Doesn't Listen?
I have a real passion for sociology, and as a senior in college about to go into the field I just love to talk about it. My boyfriend is the same way in that he loves history. However, while it's fine for him to tell me all about WWI and the Cold War, it's not okay for me to tell him about something interesting in sociology class. He'll literally tell me to stop talking! Some times he'll fidget, look bored, or simply start doing something else. I don't talk for an extended period of time - fifteen minutes at most, honestly, and I've timed myself just for this purpose to know if I'm over talking. Is it so much to ask for my boyfriend to listen?
Meanwhile, we have another problem; he's a rambler. I love listening to him talk about history and such, because I know how much it means to him. We recently got engaged so things are serious. But some times he'll get to the point where he'll tell me stories over and over again; I'll politely listen, unlike him, though. We've known each other for three years, been together for one year, so I expected this. I just didn't expect to hear stories as often as I do from my grandmother... And he goes on for up to an hour, maybe longer some times. It really makes me feel claustrophobic.
How can I tell him that he needs to listen more and talk less? I know I may seem like a bad girlfriend here, but if you knew him, I think you'd be sympathetic... I've seen him lose friends over this. He really doesn't have any. They get tired of him talking and rambling without being listened to. It's for his own well being, and for mine, that he try to decrease the rambling and listen more. What he's asking me isn't fair.
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
We keep bumping into each other, don't we?
Well, in my opinion, you should talk to him. He shows signs of clearly being distracted. I have some similar problems with my fiance (it's eerie how alike we've been so far), and we found out he suffers from ADD. He takes medication now, but there's always still that lingering factor. He doesn't really listen to me, and two days ago in the car I told him "You know, you haven't been a good listener. I know you only ask me questions to answer them yourself, and I feel you don't even try to hear what I say." He apologized immediately and we've been a working progress. He told me he needs me to give him small bits of information at a time, rather than a whole speech, so he can remember it.
I don't know if your boyfriend suffers from this as well, but it's worth getting checked out. It's odd that he just won't listen to you some times, so perhaps a therapist would help... maybe couples counseling, even, if you're engaged. As far as him being a rambler, well, I think my answer goes with both. You just need to tell him you feel that he expects you to listen to him so often, but he won't return the favor. It shouldn't be a chore for either of you to listen to one another; your passions are your passions, and if he can't sit there for fifteen minutes without telling you to shut up then there is something seriously wrong there.
Hope I helped, again.
- barthebearLv 79 years ago
Almost all women think they can change a man. It doesnt work. Whatever problems you have now would escalate 100 times if you eventually marry. To me, you two are not a match
- 9 years ago
just tell him it realy means something to you what you have to say and that you love listining to him as he should with you
- 9 years ago
if your really in love with someone, you should be able to overlook any of their bad habits!
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- 9 years ago
talk to him about this tell him how you feel. communication is very important.