How do you feel about this so far?

I'm working on this story right now, but I don't really have a plot worked out yet. I tried sneaking some faux old English in there, but I might drop that idea.

The kitchen was bustling with hasty servants and maids all decked out in their finest rags, all eager to please their king waiting in the great hall beyond the kitchen doors. Some were huddled over large boiling pots twice the size of their own heads, careful not to let any of the sweat beads pooling on their foreheads enter the concoction. The maidens deemed most pleasant to gaze upon would scurry in and out of the kitchen, bringing more food out to the impatient lords feasting glutinously in the great hall. The head cook could be heard screaming out orders, and occasionally whipping butter knifes at the heads of servants she believed were slacking.

The servants working in the castle knew her as Madam Mastercook since they knew not of her real name, though they secretly referred to her as Chinwa, meaning Devil Woman.

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  • 9 years ago
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    I quite like this, it's really fun and spunky; something I rarely see on here. A few things, though...

    1) 'Glutinously' is an awkward, jarring word that ruins the passage. Just leave it out, or find an alternative to an adverb to put in it's place.

    2) You really don't need '...since they knew not of her real name...' it just pulls me from the story.

    Overall, though, it just looks fun. I'd definitely stop writing and think of a plot first, though, just so that you are leading from a beginning, to middle, to end; no point rambling aimlessly.

    Source(s): ~ Jayne.
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