Boyfriend wants sex before marriage, I dont?

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now (officially), but have known him for around a year, he's 21 and I'm 19. I'm crazy about him, and he has all of the qualities I want, he's sweet, soft and we get on like best friends. Our relationship has been next to perfect until a few weeks ago when we had our first argument. At the start of dating I told him I wanted to wait until sex until marriage, it starred off predominantly a religious thing but has changed slightly to other things too, in that I do want my spouse to be my only one because I am terribly sentimental and know that I would regret it if we broke up. He was okay with this at the start saying sex wasn't that important to him, that I was worth more etc. Now he tries everytime we do stuff (we do all the rest excepting this) and last time got so frustrated he didn't talk to me for a while after and completely shut off. He told me that he's found it to be the reasons for other frustration that it transfers onto, after getting in a bad mood when he thinks about it. He has had multiple partners beforehand, a few girlfriends and a few one night stands, the latter which bother me, and claims I don't understand how unhappy the sexual frustration makes him and how hard it is for this reason and because he is has increased frustration also because he's a man (hormones and all that. Its creating arguments now because I get upset about the fact it's getting so significant to him and he's still pushing it when he knows I don't want to, and he gets upset at the fact I don't get it and the sexual frustration itself. I know I will regret it if I do, so what I'm really asking is for some guidance on how he does feel because I do want to empathise, and is it this difficult for everyone, with this much bearing on emotions? It's getting to the point where he is just randomly in bad moods, even if we haven't been doing anything even slightly sexually related like going out for dinner and tells me it's that. Another quick question is 9 people a lot to have slept with before? Guys specifically does it change with gender and do you find that it is worse for you? Thankyou so much for reading this and any advice/thoughts at all, I realise it's extremely detailed. I'm really contradicted so I would love for any third party guidance

7 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It may seem tempting, but do not give in to your boyfriend's advances if you're not comfortable. If he's going to be with you, he needs to be able to respect your decision, and if he cares for you, he will. If he doesn't, if he keeps pushing you to have sex, then he's unfortunately not the right one for you. In these sorts of situations, giving in and having sex before you're ready just to end the tension between you two DOES NOT work; there will still be tension and the relationship will likely end on its own, and you will be filled with nothing but regret. Sit him down and have a serious talk with him about what you're comfortable with; re-establish your terms and make it clear that he needs to be alright with that. If he's'll be tough, but you know what you'll have to do.

  • Amelia
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    Not everybody has this problem. My husband and I dated for years before marriage and didn't have sex before we were married. Like you, we did everything else. My husband never minded or complained at all. In fact, he ended up being the one to suggest we keep waiting for marriage when I'd originally just planned to wait until we were financially stable.

    He was a virgin, though, so that may have made a difference. I can see how it would be the sort of thing that once you've tried it, it's harder to go back to not having sex.

    Do you bring your boyfriend to orgasm when you're making out? I think that can make a difference as well. We always ended things with him masturbating while I helped him along so he never felt frustrated.

  • 9 years ago

    "Now he tries everytime we do stuff (we do all the rest excepting this)..."

    If by that line you mean you're doing oral, handjobs, getting fingered, etc then you are doing nothing more than teasing him and that's just not cool. You are trying to have your cake and eat it too which only serves to frustrate him. Poor guy.

    Yes, he SHOULD respect your wishes to wait until marriage; however, if you're doing everything short of him sticking his penis in then you are leading him on. That is rude and not fair to him.

    If you want no sex until marriage then knock off the fooling around. If you'd like to just get it over with then do it and stop teasing the poor guy.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    So I know how you feel but if he really loves you he will understand but on he other hand if you have sex it's a way of bonding I respect your religious views but in the end it's up to you I don't think anyone other than you two will know except god i can see where he is coming from its because he loves you if he waited 8 months then he must really love you but men will get up and go if they don't get sex

    Source(s): Me
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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I think it's time to ask him whether not having sex is going to ruin the relationship. If it is, then it was a beautiful relationship while it lasted and you will find someone who you will fall for who doesn't care. Confront him about it. At this rate, he's going to feel urges to cheat on you to pleasure himself, and that's horrible.

  • 9 years ago

    A guy who is respectful and mature enough to be your husband WILL RESPECT your wishes. From what you write, he seems like a little boy. Find a real man for yourself.

  • 9 years ago

    Just have sex and be protected

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