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A Short Poem. Will you comment on it?

A SHORT POEM

Yes, you read it right.

The name of this poem is “A Short Poem”

I like to keep things simple------

and “A Short Poem” is about as simple

as you can get.

I suppose I could’ve just called it

“Poem”

but I think

that’s been taken.

“What,” you ask, “am I gonna write about?”

That is a good question.

I have several ideas kicking around, and

I plan on selecting one soon.

I was thinking maybe writing about

The Titanic

but,

according to The New York Times,

“To write

about the Titanic a poem

worth printing

requires

something more

than paper,

pencil,

and a strong feeling that

the disaster was a terrible one."

-----so, that kinda lets ME out...

I’d write about death,

-----or something equally unpleasant

but it’s such a nice day...

...I kinda hate to go there, right now, if

you know what I mean.

Well...damn!

----------I’m gonna make another sandwich

and

I’ll get back to you soon.

I promise.

Update:

LC: chicken

12 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    The only suggestion I will make is that you should say what KIND of sandwich, it seems unfinished...

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  • 8 years ago

    Actually, not a bad job. The New York Times needs to be italicized though, or you could use a vague reference to "that popular paper" or something- same with Titanic. The dashes and dots are a big no no when it comes to grammar, or should I say getting it published, but don't let that stop you (the best example would be the writings of Dickenson in poetry, an editor did away with all her dashes and it sent her into hiding.)

    With the way you used the length and shape of words to punctuate you might not need them to form meter and flow, seems alright to me, but I personally would do away with the repeated dashes, think e.e. cummings

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I enjoyed that. Very quirky and interesting. The only think I'd do if I were you would be to work on rhythm because right now it seems the lines are separated quite awkwardly, with no discernible purpose and the pacing is kind of off. But it's interesting.

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  • 8 years ago

    Interesting poem. I like the way you've put your thought train in to make it slightly comical ("I'm gonna make another sandwich", take a bow).

    To improve you could attempt to put more poetic form in ie same amount of syllables in each line, a rhythm, rhyme etc.

    Good job!

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    This is a very nice poem.

    I like the way you led us on, and then you made a sammich.

    I also like the way you said you wanted to write a poem and you were kicking around ideas.

    In addition to that, I like the promise you made.

    Source(s): *dancing Skype guy* *arm flex*
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  • doe
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    So if I figure out how to Skype then how do I find the dancing guy and you eating a chicken sammich? First I have to figure out how to hook the camera back up and then I'll need to get up enough nerve and then.. well it may all be too much for me.

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  • SXE
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    Eh. Poems have more rhetoric strategy than that, in my opinion. It's an interesting way to go about it, but I don't think it really has a story or moral to it. It works as humorous poetry, but this isn't the type of work that will be examined for its genius.

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  • Iggy
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    I will comment

    But where did I put it

    I'm sure I saw it somewhere

    Get back to "ya"

    You know the drill.

    LOL

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  • HD
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Is it such a nice day? Not for me. Yes, here you can pat me on the shoulder and say - Its O.K.

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  • 8 years ago

    I - Feel - A - Cheese - Setting - Itself -- Firmer - To -Tip -The -Scales Of - Y!APS!

    Much - Stronger - Flavour - For - Us - To - Savour!

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