After 12 years divorced thinking it would be nice to start dating again but find it almost impossible at this?

After 12 years divorced thinking it would be nice to start dating again but find it almost impossible at this?

as the guys of my own age late 50's or the just want one night stand, are too needy, to controlling, they carry lots of negative issues and the just want a quick fix it, or from first date are planning a dirty weekend away or some holidays to get you in bed. I am looking for friendship first get to know them socially and take it from there, but it seems that i am to straigh lace ( honest) for them or too romantic. finding the whole thing quite difficult and disheartening to be honest. your honest opinion ,thought of the matter would most appreciate indeed, thanks in advance

21 Answers

Relevance
  • Milton
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    What you need to find is a man who was happily married. That is the kind of guy looking for what you are looking for. For you to find one, he has to have lost is wife.

    The problem is that most of the available men out there in the age range you are seeking are divorced or single. Neither is a particularly good risk for different reasons. If he is divorced, it is likely that there were good reasons for the divorce or he is gun shy after a bad experience. If he is single, either he doesn't want marriage or is unsuited for it.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I was in my late 40s when My ex-wife moved out. I started dating. Most of the women I met were unemployed or underemployed, they had a pubescent boy-child with behavior problems, and an old car that needed work. They expected nice meals, and entertainment. They got it. They promised intimacy soon, but soon never came.On the rare occasion that it did, it was as far from satisfying as possible. After wasting years, a lot of emotional effort and yes, even a lot of money, I decided that I would no longer call for a second date if there was no sex on the first one. This got all the tension, posturing and playacting out of the way, and then we could actually get to know each other. I found I was dating a much better class of women. They were fun, confident, successful, and could actually carry on a conversation about something besides soap operas.

    Do you suppose this is why your dates offer a romantic week end? Or want to see if you are sincere or just looking for entertainment, and a good time? At our age being a "professional virgin" isn't at all attractive. Being coy and holding out on a 50+ male is a guaranteed turn off.

    Ragwort expressed this much better than I could.

    Source(s): Met my wonderful wife of 27 years this way!
    • Login to reply the answers
  • 8 years ago

    Have a star. You got the guys on here to open up more than any straight fore-ward question would on the subject.

    I hear Blu is available if you ask him .

    I know your situation.

    Either they are out too soon after the wife has gone, for what ever reason., and they are looking to fill the slot with what they had before. They have lost a piece to the game and they just want the playing piece back...they don't want to buy the WHOLE game again , just the missing piece.

    Not only that but in the guys mind she has now become a SAINT. YOU CAN'T WIN THIS.

    I see on here the guys are saying they are still the boys they were in what they want but YOU , my dear, should grow up and forget the girlie needs and wants.

    And they don't want to be there for you and do the car, do repairs, and yard work.....but YOU , my dear, should still like to clean the floor , fix the meals, and do those dirty shorts they leave on the floor.

    Me, I would be looking for an occasional ,no string attached and skip the personal needs of some guy.

    The old guys are too needy and controlling. They don't have jobs and they want to herd something, kinda like an old border collie who has been retired. ..can't run the distance but still wants to shove things around.

    I have been on coffee dates and you are totally correct. It was all about them and they never asked a thing about me , just talked about themselves and their EX female for 2-3 hours.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Beulah
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Well what is the difference between now and when you were a teenager first dating? Young guys were only out for a one night stand even though they said they wanted you to be a friend. Older men would also try and hit on a young girl if they thought they stood a chance. Nothing about men has changed in the 30 years or so since you were a teenager.

    I do not know where or how you meet up with the men you do meet, but if it is just through friends or family that could be part of the problem. What kind of hobbies do you have? That can be a great way of meeting both men and women with similar interests and just having fun with no thought of anything else. One of my hobbies is photography. Believe you me, when you go off for a weekend shoot with a bunch of men, it is definitely a weekend of big boys and their toys. You would have to look like the latest Canon or Nikon Pro DSLR to get a second look. But that works both ways of course. The women on the weekend are just as hooked on their cameras. Genuine friendships are often built up in such groups. And friendship is what is needed first.

    Beulah

    • Login to reply the answers
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • ?
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    You don't seem to hold men in very high regard. Perhaps it is YOU that is also carrying baggage from your past.

    You are no longer a shy blushing teen and neither will 'he' be a nervous fumbling young man. You can't turn the clock back.

    If I were a divorced guy looking for a solid relationship I would want to know fairly soon whether we were compatible 'physically' assuming we had both hit it off well after 2/3 dates.

    If you can both hit the high notes together you may have the basis for a ltr. If either one of you are dissapointed in the bedroom it's doubtfull if your relationship has a chance regardless of how well you get on together in other areas.

    If after 12 years on your own you don't feel the need for a physical relationship perhaps you should re-think your strategy. Perhaps you just need a platonic social relationship; someone to chat to and accompany you to social events etc. in which case make that clear from the start, then you shouldn't be pestered by guys expecting anything else.

    Source(s): Married for 50 years, still 'in love' and still 'making out'.
    • Login to reply the answers
  • 8 years ago

    Trouble is, straight away you are "dating", and then you wonder why the guys are looking for sex. Most men who are into dating, are looking for just that. If you met them through some other area, like working together in a volunteerr job, you'd actually meet heaps of guys just as friends. Then it could go from there. I volunteer on the front desk at a museum,. and there a lot of guys there. If I was looking, I'd have dates lined up with them. Meeting in a non-date situation means you will be friends first, then start dating.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 8 years ago

    First thing, a change of attitude, be more positive. All those negative comments about men just means you are not really ready to date or start another relationship. You are grown up mature woman, when you meet a guy you tell him what you expect in a relationship. If he does not like that, move on. Honesty, is far less common than people think, including your own.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 8 years ago

    The problem is not you, people are too selfish today.

    I was married for 11 1/2 years, when we were 32, my first wife was killed in an auto accident while she was visiting her family in the midwest. I didn't want to get married again because I was still in love with her and didn't believe I would ever find another woman like her. But after 2 years, I convinced myself to find someone, and I did, and shortly after we were married. Seven years later, we were filing for a divorce and I blame myself as much as her, because honestly, I expected her to be like my first wife, but in reality she never had the ability, or intelligence to be like her. Now, I will never marry again, because I know, in my heart, that I will not be able to "make a go" of another marriage. I will not be able to mold myself for the selfishness and greed of people who are married today. Marriage has to be a partnership, so to speak, and very few are anymore; especially with people under 50.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • blu
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    If you want something, feel free to pursue it. I support women's lib ... still waiting for the first woman to ask me out. That one scores high as attractive to me. Either that, or she rejects the liberation and embraces how it was just before it happened. Most women fall in between, I'm not interested in them.

    I'm age 59. I am as independent as it gets. I'm content anticipating I will be single the rest of my life.

    Sex? ... I no longer need that. It took a number of yrs. for my "overdrive" to diminish to a normal libido. I rarely think about it any more.

    Women should be more concerned when men no longer express an interest in them sexually (unless they, women, don't want it).

    This has always been one of the gender mysteries to me. Women complain about the man being a sex crazed maniac but if he's not interested there's something wrong w/ him. Or they (woman) fake an orgasm as the man apparently didn't please her. Men are better in touch w/ their sexuality.

    Women usually hold the sex card ... that's a power trip for them. I guarantee that won't ever happen to me again. If she wants sex, she can ask me for it ... again, I'm for women's lib.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Poppy
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    I am in my sixties and find men my age needful too. In our generation women still looked after their hubby as well as the kids. Some of us even worked outside the home as well. I don't want a man to wait on. I was married 42 years before my divorce, I enjoy my life and so I know I am going to stay single from now on. Not looking for love.

    • Login to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.