Advice for a struggling bipolar girl trying to stay true to God?

I've been raised my whole life with a faith in God...although I never grew up in church or was baptized, and my parents were anything but models in my life. My father died when I was 6 or 7 and I suppose I suppressed how much it actually affected me and didn't realize it. Growing up my mom sometimes... show more I've been raised my whole life with a faith in God...although I never grew up in church or was baptized, and my parents were anything but models in my life. My father died when I was 6 or 7 and I suppose I suppressed how much it actually affected me and didn't realize it. Growing up my mom sometimes physically and verbally abused me, my family is poor and far from perfect but at the same time I guess I'm lucky in a lot of ways because I have my family...however I'm often depressed and lonely, I feel as though I've been used....after straying from my faith in the Lord recently got into a relationship that was taken way to fast, physically, and I felt used afterwards and depressed....I'm already have a past of cutting myself since the 3rd grade and almost cutting into one of my veins about a year ago. I was in a deep depressed within the last month or so....where ever I would walk or go it was like this black cloud was hanging over me, but one day I was sitting in church with my grandma and usually I had gotten use to not even wanting to hear or listen to the pastor...but I sat their in complete desperation and just started calling out for Jesus in my thoughts, praying....and suddenly things started to feel a bit better...and a few weeks went by and I got a call from this counselor saying I was getting free CNA training and I'm pretty set for my future....but I recently met this new guy who is EXACTLY like my ex boyfriend (who used me)...and he seems so nice and tells me he wants to go to church but at the same time he is really honest about his past and drug use and how many people he has slept with, and I feel like I'm being tempted back into this same exact situation as before. He has made it very clear that he is seeking to eventually have a relationship with me...I don't want to lead him on in a friendship but I don't want to get drawn back into the same bad situation as before....I feel like it's just incredibly ironic how much this guy resembles my ex. I want to abstain from sexual relationships because I'm so young (18 and in college) and it seemed to really mess with my head losing my virginity ...

I want so bad to follow the Lord but it seems that the whole world is cracking up and I don't know any other Christians, all my friends are either Atheist or Agnostic or they don't follow a good path.

The only times I've really felt comfortable lately is when I am at church, I feel this calling to help people and walk with the Lord but it seems like all these negative forces are trying to hold me back? Like my own compassion and love for people is being used against me by the world.
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