How should one deal with a stalker {or "stalker-ish"} type person?

And am I allowed to carry a gun with me--is it legal?

It all started a couple of yrs. ago after taking a walk in a local park. I stopped after a walk of several miles to do some journaling. Then this guy I recognized who used to be a customer where I used to work invited himself over to chat. I thought to myself, well that's kinda weird but didn't see any harm in it so we discussed real estate, as he implied that I could make a lotta $ selling real estate. So in between the last couple of yrs. he'd "bump into me" at the park many time & actually about several different times atleast--right when I pulled up into the parking lot to take my daily walk, there he was suddenly parking RIGHT behind me! It started getting to weird and too "coincidental", so instead of walking in the park, simply walked/jogged around my neighborhood for the regular 3-4 miles exercise. Well that had to come to a stop as well since one day, he saw me, parked his car nearby where I was walking mentioning that he lived on that street [which so happens to be somewhere within the main street/heart of this town] He asked me where I lived and of course didn't tell him. Then he asked me stupid questions about what to put his ad on craigslist for some real estate ad. I just told him there were plenty of examples on there he could get ideas from.

Well, before things got real weird (b4 I stopped walking in the park for awhile) we did have a few conversations about real estate as he invited himself to walk with me 2-3x. I didn't want to seem rude but really didn't want to walk with this person. NOW I STAY CLEAR AWAY from him as a few months ago he was suddenly appearing at the grocery store exactly the same time as me. I've shopped there for years and it's a small place--never saw him in there. On one particular night he took me off guard buy running into me at a cross aisle (he knew where I was though I had no idea I'd see him) and do you know WHAT HE SAID TO ME?!?! He mentioned what a "small town it was, that we're always running into one another." Then he mentioned that I walked by his house--implying that I was the one following him. (This made me really sick to my stomach...) RIght after that he said "we had a mutual friend on facebook." (I got scared then, because then knew he knew my last name. This really depressed me and causing some anxiety). Immediately when I got home I deleted the 'mutual friend' & also replaced my photo with a cow picture & blocked him--and no, in case you're wondering he was NEVER on my friend list on FB. FB has those notifications I guess. And I don't go on FB a lot either.

Well months have passed .... and now that spring has sprung everyone is out exercising, enjoying the weather again and all that fun stuff. I did see him at the park just recently and he gave me a dirty look. I thought to myself --oh GOOD --he finally got the hint and will leave me alone.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Two days later as I was walking in the park going back to my car, as the sun was going down I see this silhouette of a stocky stalker build & knew it was him. Pretending I didn't see him--he took the extreme and utterly annoying measures by waving his arms around saying, "hellooo! And approached me asking how I was doing. I mumbled good and grabbed my phone to dial a #. So he left immediately, as I never even made eye contact with him. But when I got to my white Jetta, noticed that f*cker parked his black Corolla right next to mine.

I will be going to the police dept.to file a report tomorrow. Also try to get into the park at very early hours from now on + would really love to buy a gun. I'll be looking around online at local gun shops to purchase one. I NEVER followed that twisted creep! He's purposely doing this to me! (And I've never had to deal with a stalker before--weirdos yes, but not this kind ...) HAVE YOU HAD TO DEAL with anything like this? And what did you do about it? How did you handle it?

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  • 8 years ago
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    I am so sorry about your situation, I identify with you and want you to be safe. While I haven't had this particular type of stalker my family has a crazy family handyman who was fired and keeps badgering us and we're worried he might do something rash.

    As for the use of a firearm, check the gun restrictions for your state. Under many circumstances you can legally carry a handgun if it is unconcealed, i.e walking down the road with it, most states recognize this right. However, this won't be an easy task as you can imagine, almost all private areas such as a store, or many public place i.e the library, a park, a city swimming pool will not permit you to to hold up a gun in plain view obviously due to the panic that will arise. Though there is a wide variation from state to state, it is often a crime to carry concealed weapon of any kind (knives can count) unless you have specifically been issued a license to carry it concealed, usually this is for experienced citizens who demonstrate advanced knowledge of their weapon and expertise that will be evaluated in courses, and may depend heavily on it in their lives such as someone involved in military service.

    It might be more practical to carry pepper spray or take self-defense classes. However, you don't need force to be protected, you have the law, Unfortunately, though it is obvious that this man is trying to harass you, as he is in public places and not your private residence he may not have broken any laws, unless he has spoken to you aggressively making some kind of threat or had some disorderly conduct, such as swearing at you, sexual overtures, appearing drunk. It is perfectly alright to make the authorities aware of the situation however, they I am sure will tell you what is best. If you encounter him again make sure that you stay in a public area, do NOT be alone with him, even if it means that you have to run into another area where there are people. In the public area I would also implicitly tell him to leave you alone and stop following you, I understand that you are afraid him, but first it may make him do just that... leave you alone. Perhaps not, but you would have grounds for the police to make an immediate arrest if he continues to come up to you, as of now he may be able to claim that he didn't know he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was visiting a friend and business adviser. But he cannot continue to approach you, at that point it is certainly legally stalking, and depending on where you are at the time it may also be trespassing.

    Do not worry, this is a situation that can be remedied. When you speak to the authorities also ask about the possibilities of a restraining order.

    Take care of yourself,

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