The difference between liberals and conservatives?

When a liberal sees a problem, he tries to think of a way to fix it. When a conservative sees a problem, he claims the liberals made it up and does nothing. A religious liberal keeps his religion to himself. A religious conservative insists that his religion be taught in public schools. When a liberal sees... show more When a liberal sees a problem, he tries to think of a way to fix it.
When a conservative sees a problem, he claims the liberals made it up and does nothing.

A religious liberal keeps his religion to himself.
A religious conservative insists that his religion be taught in public schools.

When a liberal sees that a foreign country is acting aggressively, he uses diplomacy and imposes economic sanctions, with the military as a last resort.
When a conservative sees that a foreign country is acting aggressively, he bombs innocent civilians and starts a decade long war that costs hundreds of billions of dollars and thousands of U.S. troops.

When something conflicts with the values of a liberal, he ignores it as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.
When something conflicts with the values of a conservative, he tries to pass a constitutional amendment banning it everywhere.

When a conservative sees the U.S. attacked by terrorists, he takes away rights in order to "protect" freedom and starts unnecessary wars.
When a liberal sees the U.S. attacked by terrorists, he sends Navy Seals to shoot the terrorist in the head.

When a conservative wants to create jobs, he gives hundreds of billions of dollars to the military to build useless weapons.
When a liberal wants to create jobs, he gives hundreds of billions of dollars to cancer research and infrastructure projects that will actually help people.

When a liberal is gay, he accepts it, finds someone he loves, and gets married.
When a conservative is gay, he stays in the closet, becomes a pastor, and condemns homosexuality.

When a conservative sees you carrying a bag of skittles, he shoots you.
When a liberal sees you carrying a bag of skittles, he gives you a fist bump and goes on his way.
Update: When a liberal wants to cut taxes, he cuts them for the middle class.
When a conservative wants to cut taxes, he cuts them for the top 2%.
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