Ninja Cat asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

New poem! Need some constructive criticism please!?

I've been working on this poem, and something still doesn't feel right. To me, it seems like the second to last stanza should be the last stanza, but I don't want to loose the last stanza.. do ya catch my drift?

Is there some way I could make it mesh better?

Thanks!

All In

If you put effort in,

Then you'll get as much out.

You can fly if you try.

Of this, I've no doubt.

If you go for your goals,

And you give it your all

If you still have the will

To get up when you fall

If you can keep going

Even when things get tough

If you can accept losing

Without giving up

If you can push yourself on

And you believe you can do it

You can achieve anything.

That's all there is to it.

If you put yourself "all in",

Then you'll get as much out.

You can succeed if you try.

Of this, I've no doubt.

8 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    What the HECK did you do to deserve such unwarranted, harsh criticism? This is a nice, uplifting poem, quite reminiscent of Rudyard Kipling's "If". After having written such a pleasant poem about how we can succeed and soar if we let our mentality take flight, I'm afraid you'll follow with a poem about those whose thoughts cause blight.

    Keep writing. You're good.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Reminds me of The song 'life what you make it' By Miley Cyrus

    I think you did a good Job don't pay Attention to the haters .... Go threw it multiple Times if it feel right to YOU.... it perfect ..... If not keep Working on it Remember poetry Is about expressing Ones Self .... Not any thing else

    Source(s): 17 with the mind of a 30 year old poet
  • 8 years ago

    well up you go! nasty little fall you had, eh? No doubt next time you'll learn not taking such plunges of the much exalted tower we here at this little prestigious establishment like to call Poesia (better known as teenage cockroach drivel). Go die somewhere. Well good day to you dear soul, and what not eh?

  • 8 years ago

    Over all, it's fantastic. The only small problem is the fluency. Try and make the transitions a tad smoother.

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  • 8 years ago

    "You can fly if you try.

    Of this, I've no doubt. "

    Show me.

    One needs a very good reason to say utterly ridiculous things in a poem (as one does in a bar).

    Do you have one?

  • 8 years ago

    i think you should work on its rhyming scheme and last stanza btw poem is good

  • 8 years ago

    .... To be honest, I didn't like it at all. And my constructive criticism wouldn't be constructive... it would be destructive.

    It just doesn't feel like authentic poetry to me, it doesn't connect with the reader, and the message is.... weak, to say the least.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Blaaaargh !!! Sorry.

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