I've been really depressed for months now. really need some non judgemental advise. really need help :(?
There was a guy I really liked, Dan. eventually I built up enough courage to talk to him. My friend told me she knew he liked me so i went ahead and asked him to the girls choice winter formal. He said yes instantly and asked if I liked him. I said yes. The next few weeks were great. We didn't go to the dance because he wasn't going to be in town no biggie. He asked me out about a month later. We dated for about 5 days.. I went to his basketball game and it was great we hung out had fun. The next day i got a text after school that asked if we could talk. As you'd imagine he broke up with me. I cut off all kinds of contact with him. I was extremely depressed and I cried for days non stop. everything would make me sad, id throw up, I stopped eating and fell behind in school. A week later i ran into him at the library and he spoke to me. Later he texted me saying he still liked me. I thought things would change but they didn't. then winter break came. I went to mexico for vacation and while i was there i received a comment and a message from him on FaceBook. He promised things would change when i returned. When i did get back we had class together and he said we needed to talk. We did i told him i still liked him and by the end of the night our conversation ended with him telling me there was another girl and he had to choose one. It wasn't me. I was devastated. 2 weeks later she broke up with him and he came crawling back. He told me a lot of things one week and the next e wouldn't talk to me any more. He said it was better if we were just friends, it really hurt but oh well we both agreed it'd be better that way.Then I Started talking to Carter. This really sweet nice and funny guy who i'd always had a crush on. We FaceTimed every night for hours and always text. I really like Carter. A few days later Dan told me he couldn't forget me and that he liked me. I again told him how I felt, the next day wen went to a music shop after school and it was pretty awkward he hasn't texted me sense then he just talks to me in class. After this I started talking to Carter who is like my BEST FRIEND. I can tell him anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Carter told me he liked me and that made me super happy :) Or at least i thought it did. We FaceTimed and it was the cutest thing ever. He would say really sweet things. Last night we were both at my friends house and I knew what he wanted to ask. I kept avoiding the topic because after a lot of thinking i Realized that im not over the past situation. So i told him i didn't feel confortable being his gfriend yet and then later we Facetimed again and after a lot of insisting with "what's Wrong" I told him pretty much everything i mentioned above. I told him the entire story from beginning to end. eveything from the two anxiety attacks ive had to the drama going on at home. Im under a lot of pressure. I will be graduating high school soon and i need to figure out what i want to do with my life. he seems to have understood. But now i feel terrible and I've had some almost suicidal thoughts.. Im just scared that things wont work out and im scared that I might have messed everything up that could have been with Carter. Ever sense my breakup ive been extremely depressed and I cant cope with it anymore. Ive tried talking to friends but it doesnt seem to work. Im scared that Carter wont like me anymore even tho he said he understood what i was going through. that was my terribly long story and, not gonna lie, it feels nice to be typing it all out. I feel like this is just a jist of it. Any advise? please no Judjement Im pretty mature but im still young. I just need help