Ok, let me try to clarify.
In Judaism we believe that everything that happens is for a good reason; no matter how sickeningly terrible. If G-d caused it to happen then it was the best thing that could have happened. Even if we don't understand how and even though with situations like the Holocaust it seems impossible to believe. I don't think anyone today has the authority to say that the Jews who had to go through the Holocaust deserved it. Who are we to say what anyone deserved, or that anyone could possibly deserve what they went through then? But the reality is that there is a common belief in Judaism that whenever the Jews try to be like everyone around them, and try to blend in - that is not considered to be a good thing according to G-d. Since Judaism is such a strictly strange and "non-modern" religion, you can't keep it in the way that it's supposed to be kept and fit in. It just doesn't work. To blend in you have to compromise in Judaism and you have to drop things. There is a common belief in Judaism that if Jews don't make themselves separate through Judaism, and let go of it in favor of fitting in and not not being the weird odd one out, G-d will have to remind them that no matter what, they ARE different. And usually the way He has to do this is painful. No one can say that the Jews of the Holocaust "asked for it" without freezing your heart. It's not anywhere near in our authority to say. But we can say what Judaism teaches about how the world works in general - which is that that if we can't see that we are different on our own, we will be forced to know it by those around us not accepting us and persecuting us. It's not an *outright* cause of antisemitism; as no one will say "I hate the Jews because they try to assimilate", but that is one of the spiritual reasons it has come about throughout the years. Not the only, but definitely one.
I don't know how to say this in a way that it won't sound bad; I realize that it sounds bad and I wish the reality wasn't so so that I'd have to say this, but here it is - When I first heard of the book UnOrthodox, as an Orthodox Jew, I was saddened by Deborah Feldman's bad experiences and over the fact that she felt that she needed to write this book making Orthodox Judaism look bad. Judaism is a complex and deep religion and I think a big mistake that many Jewish parents have made in the modern generation is assume that their kids would see the beauty and not put much effort into showing them the beauty. So some just don't ever get to really see it; so they drop it. When you don't know the reason for the customs and laws and when you don't see the place of beauty and sense that they come from, they will definitely seem dry, idiotic, backwards, limiting, and invading. I originally assumed that Deborah Feldman was one of these cases - it was never properly explained to her, and with her having had a dysfunctional childhood, along with the horrific fact that she was molested by her cousin, it made perfect sense that she wouldn't automatically see beauty. I thought the book would be about how she saw the customs and laws of Judaism as limiting and invading, etc.; the places that she missed the beauty behind the meaning and the purpose. However, unfortunately, I was wrong. I have not read the book, but I have heard from people who have read the book that she speaks of certain things that are just not true; that simply aren't laws or ideas that Hassidic Jews hold by. I heard something about everyone having only a fourth grade reading level, and something about no one wearing seat belts? I can't say much detail because again, I didn't read it. And I wish I didn't have to say this. But it seems that Deborah Feldman, for possibly understandeable reasons with her mistreatment as a child, has a score to settle and she is willing to settle it by stretching the truth to make it sound like the dysfunction with which she grew up is the norm for the Hassidic community. I would say it's like assuming all Muslims are like the radical suicide bombers, but it's different than that. It's more like saying that a mentally ill Christian who is willing to physically harm someone who doesn't believe in Jesus is the standard for all Christians. It seems to me from what people have been telling me about what she's said and claimed, and from my own impression of her account, that that is what she is doing.
I told you it would sound bad. I'm sorry. You don't have to believe me. But I felt the need to put it out there, because if I don't tell you who will? What happened to her was unfair but what she's doing to the Jewish community is unfair as well. Not because it's true; whatever is true, even if it's presented in a specific way to make it sound bad - fine. But twisting and painting the truth in a way that presents the dysfunctions of her own experiences to look like the direct result of healthy, good Jews just following the Torah; that's just not fair to us.