What wrong with my boyfriend?

Ok I have been dating this guy for over a year. I’m a 45 year old woman and he’s a 50 year old man. He has never had a serious relationship or lived with a woman. He says it’s because he’s in the military and he gets transferred every 3 or 4 years so I told him why didn’t he just ask the woman to move with him….there are other people in the military and they do have girlfriend or wives.

And he said he might be transferred to about 5000 km from where he is now living and still he doesn’t want me to move in with him, he just wants me visit him. And get this at 50 years old I was the first girl he introduce to his parents and his siblings, yes I am not joking. I am also the first girl he’s introduced to his co-workers from the military.

Now I have to drive 2 hours every weekend to see him and I’ve told him that it would be very easy for me to get transferred to where he lives (I’m not in the military) and no he’s not ready and he’s not sure so I don’t push but his male friend got recently divorce and now lives with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend took a few days off from work because his male friend was upset due to his wife divorcing him and my boyfriend also took days off to support him at court and he even took time off from work to make him a home made lasagne…he never baked me a lasagne and I cook him meals and bake him home made pies all the time.

My boyfriend is sad now because his male friend is moving out of his place in a few weeks and he told me that he (my boyfriend) would be lonely and misses his friend (male).

My boyfriend has told me in front of his male friend that he has been dreaming about his male friend so I said what…I’m a woman and you dream of him???

He has 2 lesbian sisters and a gay brother and they will be visiting next weekend, so I have to stay somewhere else because there will be not enough place to sleep at my boyfriend’s but he insists that his male friend meets his family???

Plus my boyfriend loves to swim so he told me after his male friend moves out he’s going to go to swimming sessions after work for 2 days a night. He has been talking about that for a long time so I told him that he should have taken swimming sessions sooner, but this his what he told me ‘’ I can’t go now swimming after work because I have to eat diner with (his male friend). I said wow your male friend is a big boy and it’s just 2 nights a week, I’m sure he can eat alone, but he replied that it was complicated.

I thinking that he’s gay and is using me because his co-workers must have asked question about why he’s single and has no girlfriend or he’s not married, they must have wondered too if he was gay.

In the bedroom the s..x is the worst s..x I have ever had, he seems not comfortable with a woman’s body.

Sorry this is so long, but there were very important facts to write and do you all think that he’s gay and do I assume he’s gay or asked him if he’s gay….or simply assume that he’s gay and brake up with him….one thing for sure is that I like men and I’m staying a woman so there’s no way I want to be involve in a relationship with a gay guy.

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  • 8 years ago
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    I don't think you need to confront him about his sexuality and whether or not he is gay doesn't matter. This relationship is not working for you. You are dissatisfied and wanting more from the relationship and he is not ready or willing to give it. Tell him you value his friendship (if you do value it) but that the bf/gf relationship is not working for you and you have to move on.

  • 8 years ago

    It all seems rather sad doesn't it? Read this through as though its a friend of yours saying this to you, and what you would suggest she does - I think the answers lie in the content.

    Relationships that last are usually (but not always) born on compatibility, enjoyment and satisfaction. This relationship does not appear to provide any of these things for you, and perhaps not for him either.

    If I was in your situation I think I would sit down and simply, and nicely ask if there is anything that he DOES want from the relationship. If the answer is 'not really' then he is either a sad person with really low self esteem and an inability to commit and would benefit from your care and attention to holding the conversation carefully, or... as you suspect, he really is not interested in this and it is a false front for something else.

    Its all about his 'friend' and not you. Even if he isn't gay he obviously cares more about his mate than you.

    If he has never cooked for you, does not take you out properly, does not make an effort for you at all... then this begs the question: What on earth are you getting out of making all this effort for someone that doesn't give a darn for you?

    Give yourself a break. Perhaps test this:

    - Next time you see him broach the question of having a holiday together before he moves away... see what he says. Ask him if there is anything he would like to do on say Friday evening a bit different - maybe cinema etc... if its a 'no' again... then come away with any bits and pieces you might sometimes leave there and see if he ever calls you again, if he doesn't then forget him. At the very least he should maybe call to ensure you get home safe but its my guess that he won't even do that.

    I think maybe you're missing out on love, and you are worth more than this.

    Good luck x

    Source(s): we've all been in a bad relationship at least once... :)
  • 8 years ago

    You answered your own question.

    And anyway, it sounds like neither of you are happy in the relationship, especially if you have been dating this long and feel this way. You suspect he's gay, you hate the sex, you're disappointed in how things are going... You should probably move on. Confront him about your suspicions, and explain why it isn't working out.

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