WOMEN 30+ only PLEASE........ I NEED real help. PLEASE serious answers only Thank You?
I have been dating my GF for over 2 years and we have had our share of problems. I have MS and to make a really long story short, I became addicted to pain meds because of it. I have since completely stopped taking them for over 6 months but I caused a lot of problems during that time with lies and lies etc. No infidelity just lies about meds. Anyhow she also has issues due to her childhood and she is in my opinion bipolar and not medicated for it. I must state also that I have two sons and she has a daughter. And we are all very close. But I am nearing the end of my patience. We honestly honestly 100% love each other but I got held up at gun point on Valentines day night. I was supposed to take her and her daughter to dinner and obviously I couldn't. Get this, SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME!!! Mind you I have a police report and report numbers and everything to prove that it happened but according to her I ruined valentines day!!!! This is where I think the bipolar comes in. I don't think its her but I can't live like this anymore. There is obviously more going on but that is the main stuff. As I said, I love her with all my heart and I know she loves me equally but I just don't know what to do because I'm losing my mind. Please only mature answers please.
- craig bLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
LOVE is accepting the other in all their faults no matter what.
And she does not do that!
Ergo, she does NOT love you!
It's that simple!
No matter what she says - she does not love you. She only says she does so she can USE you!
"Boundaries" by Cloud / Townsend
(get a clue!)
- Anonymous8 years ago
1. Get into recovery. The NA suggestion below is spot-on. You'll need to learn how to have consistent trustworthy behavior about everything-the med lies infiltrated every aspect of the relationship.
2. She needs to be assessed, and if necessary, medicated for mental illness. if she won't go, it's time to decide whether you'll stay in a marriage to a sick person who doesn't want to get well.
3. Look into http://www.marriagebuilders.com It's a pretty comprehensive site & free program (I'm not paid nor represent them, but have used the bulk of it successfully). Once you've looked at it, you can try the stuff that is suggested for the partner who has an unwilling spouse, or you can take the chance of presenting an option to her: that program, or both individual and couples' counseling. in fact, individual counseling is a MUST for anyone with "childhood issues". Abuse, especially child sex abuse, wrecks every part of the being that should be able to trust. The result is that you end up punished for stuff others did in the past, and if she won't address it, then it's not fair to you.
In marriage, you're either all-in, or not. It's not like poker, where you can play to flop and then fold if you don't like the cards. Play that hand that's been dealt, and now that you've traded a few cards for better ones (as if you're playing stud), you have to finish the hand. Not sure if that analogy works, but it clicked when a friend told it to me that way.
Good luck to you.Source(s): Happily married sober 13+ years woman w/bio and step kids and PTSD in remission.
- BLv 78 years ago
I'm well over 30 yrs and my advice is to end this relationship because neither of you is in an emotionally healthy place or ready for any relationship.
Thoughts on this one:
1) You can not fault her for not trusting you, anyone who would trust you at this point is frankly stupid.
2) You don't get to diagnosis her and therefore, can not claim she has flaws that are not there.
3) If you believe she has "childhood issues" that effect the relationship it is your responsibility to end the relationship. If you choose not to do that then you give up the right to say these issues effect your relationship because by staying you have accepted them.
- 8 years ago
1 year in is a beautiful time in the relationship. 2 years in when you first move in starts getting tough, include the kids, harder! I moved in with my man 7 months into the relationship and quickly became pregnant. I loved the first year with him. Going out, trying new things, meeting his friends and family. But them when we moved in, responsibility came into the picture. I couldnt just skip work to hang with him cause i had rent to pay. After baby came I was at home ALL the time and he was out working. The relationship literally took a nose-dive! We then went on to get pregnant again and add to the load. We had the roughest next 2 years of our lives! But then we realized what we were doing, not dealing with things. And we talked and fought and argued and finally came to it that we`re in this to win it! We try everyday and only time heals. Its the same for your relationship too! All you have to do is try! Its okay to change the little things if your girl wants you too and she can change a few things too. Talk! Thats the key!
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- TexasDollyLv 48 years ago
You need to attend NA meetings to help you get over your addiction to pain meds. Even if you think you are ok, you need the support of others who have shared your experience. You have to accept that your lies may have caused others in your life much pain and you may lose them. As for this woman's "bipolar" -- that's just an excuse for her bad behavior. It sounds to me like you two need to go your separate ways. Remember, a person can love chocolate, but can't have it because they know down deep inside, it is bad for them. She is your chocolate. Love yourself and your child enough to let her go and find someone who is easier to love.
- TanyaLv 48 years ago
My brother was married to a bipolar woman for 5 years. She was always on and off her meds. Off meds she would do crazy, drug induced things from cheating to God knows what. She would be gone for days upon days. It was complete insanity. Mind you my brother is very straight laced Christian (which he thought she was too) and doesn't even drink alcohol. She put him through hell and back for their entire marriage, finally she filed for divorce. He would not leave her, the divorce was horrific and she ended up taking his house and everything. She completely destroyed him emotionally and financially. She also had a shopping addiction, which is common with bipolar and ruined his perfect credit, had to file for bankruptcy I finally convince him to moved out of state to get aways from her and he lived with us. We tried to help him put his life back together. It took a long time but eventually he ended up falling in love with my best friend, they are very happy and have two beautiful kids now. I'm just saying you need to know what you will be getting yourself into. Is it a relationship you can handle with your MS? I hate to be so blunt but you will eventually need some able to care of you as your disease progresses. Wait and make sure you are making the best decision. She would need to be diagnosed and stay on her meds always to have a successful relationship with you, you need her healthy.