Why did my husband said he doesn't love me ?

He said this during an argument/fight, an argument caused because i said i would not go get him soda( so he can make more rum & cokes for himself) but i will go the next day,he called me lazy and spoiled, asked me when i'm moving out cause he doesn't want me here,i remained calm and i replied by saying i think you're drunk, you need to go sleep on the couch and said good night. He then yelled he doesn't love me anymore and hopes i enjoy living with someone who hates me and slammed the door and called me a *****. This morning he was stomping around, making noises, and slamming doors trying to piss me off and wake me up. I pretended i was still asleep and waited till he left for work. I don't think I will be speaking or making any contact with him today.


This is all that happened last night at at 10pm when i arrived home from school. My husband works full time and pays the mortgage, i work part time and i am in the national guard and i pay all utilities and medical and dental insurance, I never ask him for money cause i make my own. I also do all the chores, and most of the cooking. Plus i take care of the dog. I'm not looking for sympathy but a theory of why he threw such a temper tantrum when i wouldn't do what he wanted at the exact moment.

Update 2:

i did come in the house without speaking cause he was texting me crazy stuff while i was at class, and he drinks alot ( family of alcoholics) so if he means what he says when he's drunk, last night was all fine and dandy saying how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. My theory is he was trying to hurt my feelings with a low blow.

Update 3:

Ok if he is possibly interested in someone else, months ago we had a fight about money and he threatened divorce, i said i don't a divorce but i can't force him to be with me and if he wants to leave he can file i'm not going to stop him. Therefore i do not thinks it cause of infidelity i just think he's is a controlling and emotionally abusive person, and i honestly believe he would hit me before he would cheat on me. I'm becoming more and more independent and i don't think he likes it.

13 Answers

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Wow reading these answers here it seems like there are a lot of jaded people here. Ok, first you said that he comes from a long line of alcoholics. Chances are he's an alcoholic. He drinks cause he wants to. Sure he'll use you as an excuse but he drinks cause he wants to. Ask him when he is sober why he drinks so much. Maybe if you're lucky he'll admit he has a drinking problem. Try going to al-anon. It's a group of people who live with someone ( a roommate, family member, or spouse ) that is an alcoholic. There they can give you some advice as to how to handle living with you hubby. Sounds like he needs help and probably needs to go to AA. I know I've said similar things to my ex wife while drunk and said many hurtful things when drinking. It wasn't her, it was me being an alcoholic. I've been sober now for almost 22 years and know of what I speak of. Get some help, try al-anon at least you'll get some help in finding out whether you hubby's drinking is the problem and how to get him help or what you can do different to make your marriage work.

    Just my two cents

  • 9 years ago

    Sally you are so silly, you married a two year old. Here's the truth, listen carefully, Drinking reveals the true person. Let me say that another way, the things people say and do when they are drunk, are the things they truly feel and want to do. Your husband never loved you, he married you for other reasons, and he is frustrated because he just recently met someone he prefers and feels trapped. He now has less interest in pretending to love you, and in the back of his mind wants you to be the one who decides to leave. After a day of silence, I would suggest you talk to him and get to the bottom of his issue. If this was the first episode, the relationship may not be in jeopardy. If in a sober moment he sticks to what he said, then the next move is yours. Don't be afraid to make the hard choice, don't drag it out. If he denies he did anything wrong or dismisses it as just drunkenness, don't let him stand on that, remember drunk him is the real him. If he is honest and admits to having second thoughts and what caused it, you have a chance to work on it and take your relationship to the next level.

  • 9 years ago

    They say the truth comes out when someones drunk, maybe he doesn't love you anymore and drinks because he's unhappy, its a bit odd that he would want to drink so much the night before work too, ask him today while he's sober if he loves you and if he says he doesn't then I'm sorry but you should end it and waste no more time on him

  • 9 years ago

    The bottom line for an alcoholic is that when it comes to choosing between the relationship or the alcohol, you will ALWAYS take second place. By sticking around you are doing neither one of you any favors. The ex-alcoholic who commented and has been sober for 20+ years talked about his "ex" wife. She left him for a reason and that may be what brings your husband to his senses. You did not break it and you don't have to fix it. Don't be silly anymore. Take back your power and save your own life. We only get one chance. Keep doing what you can to get your independence and please don't wait around for him to hit you so you have an excuse to leave. You already have one.

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  • 9 years ago

    when ppl are drunk they tend to say more than they mean. he may have meant it, so trying to ask him and talk to him sober is a good idea. You did good remaining calm, and not letting him bother you, even when he wasn't being very nice at all!

    I know from experience that it depends on the person when they are drunk if its worth listening to what they say or not. some will tell you the truth some will just babble.

    sounds to me like he is an angry drunk. talk it out sober.

    Source(s): experience
  • 9 years ago

    It was V-Day and you probably walked in at 10pm complaining to him and nagging him instead of rushing into the house eager to make love to him!

    IF you would have walked in the house and got naked without speaking you BOTH could have had an awesome evening and a good morning too!

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    he wants the other woman but knows he is going to have to give you half of every as sett. even if he grows tired of this particular woman there will Always be another waiting in the wings. why not cut your losses and find a good attorney who can advise you and see to it you don't get taken financially.

  • 9 years ago

    He said it because he is a substance abuser and oftentimes when substance abusers don't get their way, they will pout and kick and throw tantrums like a child. He said he doesn't love you because he was trying to hurt your feelings because something you said must have cut his heart and he wanted to hurt you back. It's a new day. Forgive and see what the new day brings.

  • jude
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    the truth does come out when a man is drunk, at least it was this way with my ex husband. i would believe everything he was saying.

  • 9 years ago

    When he says he doesn't love you... believe him.

    Anyone who actually loved you, would never even think of saying that. Kind of the same if someone actually loves you, they never cheat.

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