How do you share expenses in a long-distance relationship?

I've been in a relationship for more than 2 years now, but there's more than 650 mi distance between us. Just about from the start though there's been the feeling that the expenses are shared unfairly. She's said she doesn't feel right that I have always carried the burden of the expenses in traveling to see her. I've told her I'm willing to pay more just to be able to see her and that I don't feel that I'm being taken advantage of from it. Being a mother though she has a much tighter budget than I do, and if I was to wait until she was able to fairly carry the costs then I'd only be able to see her once or twice a year. Even as it is though I feel she's growing more distant with each time I travel to see her and that's just with 3 months between week long visits to see her. How do you balance respect for her feelings and still maintain enough of a connection for the relationship to stay alive? I've thought about moving closer to cut those costs but the job market & wondering whether the relationship will still continue leaves the feeling like trying to cross a frozen lake when you have no idea how thin the ice is. What would you do?

Update:

Yes she has a daughter and on one of the visits she brought her daughter along. During that whole visit she had fun & wanted to basically play the whole time I was there & I enjoyed that stay, but that was the only time she was included. I've told her that I want to include her daughter in the relationship as if she were ours & not only hers.

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Maybe the next time you visit you can sit down and talk to her about the future of your relationship with her. Let her know your concerns and how you feel about her. It sounds to me like this relationship means a lot to you. If she feels that your relationship is lasting also... she will understand that you love spending the money to see her and spend time with her and her kid/kids(Am I right in assuming that you love them too?).

    If she doesn't understand that or feel the same as you do about the future of your relationship it may be time to move on. And let her move on as well.

  • 9 years ago

    If you had really make up your mind and decide this is the best you guys would do, including her daughter's cost,, simple ...

    First, you guys need to know and budget of all the costs you and her spend in a month (e.g: travelling, daily living, groceries, school, kiddy needs, rent , etc)

    Total them... and divide by two.. Pool the money in one's bank account and use that money everytime there's a relating costs. That would be excluding your daily meal, transport costs etc (or it'd be better if you include your costs too, and it would be fair)

    Now you got an even division of costs between you two... :)

    Source(s): Working in a budget department ;)
  • 9 years ago

    It sounds like she is trying to make something out of nothing in order to sabotage the relationship

  • cosio
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    JD: Yeah, ur in a real bind right here. U could think of that shifting "to stay w/him" in TX is an determination. that is not. No way. Your dating wld get to the backside of decrease than each and all the multiple stresses. U could particularly come to dislike one yet another--or worse. particular, i recognize u love one yet another, yet there are extreme obstacles to happiness there in TX. the smart company of residing can immediately placed a dent in a loving friendship the only possible, good determination is the only u are advocating: he strikes to Oregon. This wld clean up--to 3 quantity--particularly some underlying prblms: a million. U'd be at the same time. Yay! 2. He wld be out frm decrease than this enslavement to his mothers and fathers. Yup. that's what that's. 3. He, lacking course, ought to get a clean start up interior the NW. scent that clean air! 4. He ought to nonetheless help his mothers and fathers. He would not could desire to be of their residing house to try this. Sorry, besides the undeniable fact that it ought to nicely be hopeless and the two certainly one of u flow on. "could desire to I purely permit him on my own and allow him discern it out for himself?" i don't think of so (except, secretly, u particularly do choose to try this. hey, that is okay) U have been offering the only respectable determination. If u choose, proceed to sell that is fee to him. i could, howver, set a company time shrink for him to return to a determination. that is not honest to the two of u to maintain all this up interior the air JD, i've got self assurance what's going to take place right here, is that on the time shrink he will reject Oregon. Be arranged for that: he can't bypass away mom & dad. THEIR desires are greater significant to him than...yrs. Thn that is rather time to bypass alongside. this would not recommend that u can't proceed to love one yet another. of direction, u can! U've prevalent one yet another those form of yrs. U've outfitted 'nests' in one anothers hearts. however the dream of residing at the same time is effectively...over. possibly later there will be a wreck by using at which will exchange. for my area, I doubt it. U've have been given to get on w/year existence and end being ensnared by using his problems. they are HIS not yours. Sorry i can't be Mr Sunshine right here. U laid each and every thing out so nicely, I incredibly plenty observed the form of it perfect off. U've lived aside and enjoyed. U can proceed to love. aside. perfect to u the two. *

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