My fiance's parents hate me. What do I do? Please help!?
I have been with my fiance, James, for going on four years now. We are both juniors in college, and have proven to be very self-reliant. Both of us get scholarships to pay for our schooling, but we also work. Ever since James and I met, his parents have been beyond disapproving. The first time we met was at my then boyfriend's wrestling tournament. I walked up the stairs and spotted his parents. As soon as I saw them, I waved and smiled. I was so excited to meet the couple who had raised such a great guy. Instead, his stepmother immediately made an angry face and looked away. I assumed that this was due to the fact that she didn't seem me. Unfortunately, this attitude never changed. She never tried to get to know me. I visited their home a couple of times, but whenever I would talk to her she would either not respond or give one word answers and walk away. She even snubbed my mother when she came to introduce herself. Her father, at first, seemed to take an interest in me. This was until I was quizzed about my family history, and honestly responded to the question about my father's whereabouts. My father committed suicide when I was six years old. This then turned into the reason why my boyfriend, James, would not be allowed to speak to me. According to his father, my mother being mentally ill proved that I would also prove to be mentally ill. James' older sister even stated that my children would turn out to be "retarded". I was completely caught off guard as I am not mentally ill, and am in fact a very well adjusted young adult. No one had ever blackballed me that way because of my father. They judged me based on myself only. Other than being a complete wreck about the situation, I was devastated that they wanted to take James away from me. He was everything that I had wanted in a guy. We broke off the relationship until he finally graduated high school. Afterwards we immediately resumed the relationship. I made subsequent efforts to win his family over such as buying his stepmother a gift, proof reading his sister's paper, and basically giving into any demands they had of me. For example, his sister told me to convince her brother not to go away to college with me because they would not get to see him and he isn't "ready" to leave town. I did as she asked, hoping to gain her approval. At first it seemed to really work out when she told James that he could move in with her. I went with a friend to give James a housewarming present only to be told by his sister that he wanted nothing to do with me and I was better off just leaving him the hell alone. James immediately ran outside when he saw me and explained that he had no idea I was even there. He was extremely angry with his sister, considering he had hoped she would be the person he could trust to support his relationship, and eventually moved out of his sister's home. Since then, she has sent me nasty facebook messages. His father has called James to tell him that I am only ruining his life and he needs to turn back now. I'm so baffled at this entire situation. I've always told James to do whatever makes him happy. I also push him to do well in school, as academic success is something that I value myself ( I was valedictorian of my high school class). I've never been so disliked before in my life. I was always taught by my mother that If I treat others with kindness and respect that it would be returned, but it seems like it doesn't happen in this case. Now that James and I are engaged, and plan to marry immediately after college graduate, it is getting more and more difficult to deal with. James said that he would just cut his family off completely, but I want to make sure that I've exhausted every option before I consent to that. The last thing I want is for James to not get to speak to his parents or sister ever again, despite how awful they are to me. Please help me!
We are marrying immediately after college because he gets stationed as an officer in the marine corp, and you have to marry, in order, to live together on base.
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
Seems like you have done everything you can do, I would stop trying and just be yourself ignore them and let them know when they are ready to accept you then you will be there like you always have been but until then I would just ignore it. James should be the one to sit and have a talk with his family and let them know if they don't stop then what is likely to happen, it is sad that people out there can judge someone like that. You seem to be very smart and well put together, you would think every parent would want there son to be with someone like that.
- dourdanLv 78 years ago
"James said that he would just cut his family off completely,"
he has the right idea. i can;t belive that re treating you so horribly, but the fact that he is willign to do that means he truly loves you.
there are allot of great marines bases across Europe and Asia. i hope you guys get to go far far away, and have a chance at happiness.
- 8 years ago
Your man has your back, don't try to make them like you. They seem to be uptight buttholes. Just let it go and make yourself a nice life with James. You sure as hell don't need their negativity around you, your future marriage or any future children. As long as James loves you, that is all that matters.
- Anonymous8 years ago
it was long so i didnt read it but im sure if you go to the kitchen and make me a sandwich it will all be ok.
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- Anonymous8 years ago
try telling your fiance.maybe he can do something about it.Source(s): kjd