Is looking at Gay porn bad?(Please read details) Help?
I don't want any comments like:
"You're sick, go see a doctor" or "Yuck". Please, be mature, this is a very serious question and a sincere and thought out answer would mean a lot.
I am 20 years old and female. Up until I turned nineteen, I lived a very strict and sheltered life. My parents didn't allow me to go out with friends later than eight o-clock at night, or even go on a date without a chaperon. I didn't have any way of letting out my emotions that I had sexually...I didn't even know how to talk about it with my friends because I didn't understand them.
When I was eighteen I started getting into gay anime porn. (Male&Male, not Female&Female) I am not proud of it whatsoever. I went through a phase when I did nothing but get home from school and download files so I could read/look at it. It made me feel disgusting and in-sociable but it made me feel good in a way that I'd never felt before. I never and have never masturbated to it. I just sit and look at it and feel shivery(in a good way.) Eventually my parents found out and took me to my pastor. They told him that they thought I had a demon and that they wanted me exorcised.
I was ashamed of myself and I almost believed them so I went along with it. I didn't feel any different afterwards but I still went home and deleted all of the stuff I'd downloaded because I was afraid I was going to go to Hell for it.
Only a few months afterwards I met a wonderful man on the internet and moved away against my parents wishes. He watches gay(Female&Female) porn. But I have never told him about my past porn addiction. Whenever guy on guy stuff is ever mentioned on TV or in a commercial he changes the channel or acts grossed out. But when girl on girl stuff comes up he immediately wants to go to the bedroom.
I recently started reading the gay anime porn again because we had a fight and I was angry at him so I rebelled.
We are still very active in bed and he has said recently that I am even better lately. I feel a little ashamed but at the same time he watches the girl stuff so why can I not watch the guy stuff? It hasn't affected our relationship in the slightest, we seem to be doing better than ever in fact.
But I still don't like carrying this secret around. I don't read it all the time, just when I have nothing else to do. Should I stop and just delete it all? What should I do?
I understand that guys are naturally grossed out by male&male activity unless they are bi or attracted to the same sex. I can relate to that because female&female activity doesn't appeal to me at all.
For girls, guy&guy stuff is essentially the same thing as girl&girl except to the female perspective.
You guys say
"Do you like it because of their asses or what?"
We girls say:
"Do you like it because it's two puss*** or what?"
I am asking for open minds and opinions. Thaanks